A Game of Thrones XV - Green and Gold Rugby
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A Game of Thrones XV

A Game of Thrones XV

The Front Row

1. Loosehead Prop

xgot 01

Samwell Tarly - Jon Snow’s best buddy is naive as he is round. However, he does have that fat baby face that would make the ref say, “how could I randomly penalise a face like that?”

2. Hooker

Davos Seaworth - His new-found ability to read means Ser Davos has always been trained to be player who needs to read the least.

3. Tighthead Prop

Varys - He’s niggled his way to the top with diplomacy – can he niggle his fat neck and bald bonce to scrum victory too?

Second Row

4. Lock

Hodor - His height and communication skills make him an ideal lock, while his boy-carrying ability surely translates to ball-carrying ability.

5. Lock

Brienne of Tarth - Her sense of honour often lets her down at the breakdown, but her rather stilted manner means she’s a great lifting option.

The Back Row

6. Blindside Flanker

Jaime Lannister - That golden hand comes in handy when knocking down lineouts, or reaching around mauls.

7. Openside Flanker

Diana Rigg - This experienced old schemer comes with a wealth of tactics to get over the gain line in international diplomacy and internal politics. She also comes with a Tony Award for Best Actress, which is always handy.

8. Number 8

The Hound - While his ball-carrying is yet to be tested, he has a pretty interesting character arc. That hints at some underlying pathos, which is always an important characteristic of any good number 8.

Halves

9. Scrumhalf

Littlefinger - Despite not being a big guy, Littlefinger’s slimy nature and ability to piss people off makes him the perfect choice to be a scrumhalf. Displayed a good tactical kick when he punted Lysa Aryn down the sky well.

10. Flyhalf

Daenarys – Let’s face it, she’s going to take over the main place and marry Jon Snow. She has white hair, he has black hair; her dragons breath fire, his name is Snow and he spends most of his time in north. Song of Ice and Fire and all that. Anyway, she’s flyhalf.

Centres

12. Inside Centre

Jon Snow - He doesn’t know a whole lot, but he does know how to set up a box play. Also teaming up at 10-12 with his future wife.

13. Outside Centre

Melisandre - “Normal” outside centres like Samu Kerevi barge their way through defences. Melisandre births ghosts out of her vagina to get past defences. To each their own.

Outside Backs

11. Winger

Arya Stark – She’s small, she’s nippy, and she take on other people’s identities (like that of a respectable footballer). Just like every other winger.

14. Winger

Bronn - Not trustworthy enough to put at fullback, the mercenary man has been shunted out to the wing. Has a few street smarts.

15. Fullback

Cersei - All her children are dead, and she it’s mostly her fault because she’s an absolute bitch. Therefore, in the Mike Brown mold, she’ll be a great fullback.

 

  • Bushie

    Well Done – Favorite is the OutCentre “Melisandre births ghosts out of her vagina to get past defences. To each their own.” Is this why Jason Little was almost untouchable??

  • Alister Smith

    Excellent analysis – I would have perhaps looked at “the Mountain” in the second row to replace Hodor – Hodor would be difficult to lift but does appeal to me as one of those enormous 6 foot plus props that the south africans sometimes have -perhaps sub him for Sam Tarly at half time (also the likeness between Samwell Tarly and Matt Dunning is remarkable – so you don’t want him on in the last ten when you are 4 points short and he thinks a field goal is the best option) .

    • Missing Link

      I’d have to agree, Hodor calling the line out is a disaster waiting to happen

  • first time long time

    Thanks for the reminder to press record!

  • The problem with Varys at THP is that the 2nd row can’t get a good bind on him because there’s nothing to grab on to.

    • Strip Chief

      Hahahaha….laughing my head off

  • Timbo

    ‘Displayed a good tactical kick when he punted Lysa Aryn down the sky well’ – my coffee is now on my keyboard. Thank you

  • Jasper Sapien.

    Always a joy to find the word ‘vagina’ in an article.

    • jamie

      Must be a first on G&GR

      • Jasper Sapien.

        Hopefully first of many?

  • Strip Chief

    Would have put Varys at 8…at least he wouldn’t need to stitch up his sack of potatoes like Buck did, when playing France in Nantes…

  • Fatflanker

    This has to be a piss-take surely? Get rid of Varys for a start – you won’t get a meat-and-potatoes performance from a bloke with no meat-and-potatoes. Khal Drogo the obvious 8. Has to be a place for Ramsey Bolton too.

    • BigNickHartman

      Both of those fellas are dead though

      • Christopher

        Spoiler Alert warning…

      • Alister Smith

        If you are going to remove eligibility from players that are dead then by the end of GOT you will probably only have 3 players to choose from. Also being dead is a little fluid in the show anyway….

        • BigNickHartman

          Yeah, so it’s like the Wallabies. But replace ‘dead’ with ‘playing in Europe’

        • Nutta

          Bahzinga!

  • Anthony David

    Correction: Openside Flanker should be Olenna Tyrell [Dianna is the actor]
    Whinge: No objection to the selections, but wingers are the most important positions on the team.

  • Alister Smith

    my favourite thing about this is the picture of JOC as the truculent child king

  • Nutta

    Some minor suggestions:

    Put the Brothers Grim up front. Hound at LH and Mountain at TH. Bugger-off with the other two nonces. And this gets Karl Drongo into 8.

    Hodor Locking with Brienna a good call unless we pinch a couple of those giants off the White-Walkers

    Hooker is Tyrion Lannister surely?

    And 7 should be Chief White Walker guy – he just miraculously shows up in places way off-side and no-one knows howdafuk he got there. Or else that feckless guy from the Unsullied. Small enough to weazel the breakdown but committed enough to keep going.

    Make the Old House Tyrel Girl the Coach. Or better yet – Treasurer/Sponsorship-Coordinator.

  • Nick

    You know nothing Jon Snow!

    Also, a bit harsh on Cersei with the Mike Brown comparison.

    • Nutta

      Yeh I thought so to. The Big C is punching-on for her family. The Mike Brown comparison simply ends at a big C.

Rugby

Hopes to play David Pocock in the inevitable biopic. Lifelong fan of whoever Jarrad Hayne is currently playing for.

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