Abstain for the Game? You've got to be joking - Green and Gold Rugby
All Blacks

Abstain for the Game? You’ve got to be joking

Abstain for the Game? You’ve got to be joking

The latest harebrained scheme from over the ditch is the BackingBlack supporters group preparing to launch their ‘Abstain for the All Blacks’ stunt. Nutbags.

Now apparently it works like this: fans sign up to abstain from the pleasures of the flesh, and they’re then given black rubber rings to wear (it’s unclear at this stage if the ring goes around the neck or elsewhere) to show they’re supporting the campaign. It is being fronted by Sean Fitzpatrick (how many World Cups has he won?) and the idea has been rubber-stamped by the New Zealand Rugby Union.

But before we get to far into this, I must confess that this is an issue close to my own heart. You see, I have personally been running a separate campaign all on my own over the years. After the issues of 1995, I took it upon myself to implement a strategy of ‘rooting for the Wallabies’. It may have been a little selfish — if the wife is so tired from caring for a baby, she won’t notice I am watching so much rugby, or volunteering for the overnight feeds, so I can be up watching games from overseas. Brownie points and rugby… how often can a man get both?

The essence of it went like this: in 1999 Mrs Timms and I welcomed our first Junior Timms. And what happened? Yep, the Wallabies brought home Bill. 2003 saw the appearance of Junior Timms the second, and my God we came close to another Cup. Thinking I was onto something, I ensured Junior Timms the Third arrived in 2007, and while that Cup campaign didn’t go too well, I’m calling her it a statistical anomaly.

Anyway, for fear of needing a people mover, I can’t keep producing them like this, so I have had that sorted (there is a thread in the forum about this if you are interested). But I am still on the job, and so should you be.

Look — we understand that the Kiwis don’t want anything extra to choke on this year, but we can’t let this ridiculous ‘Abstain’ campaign go unaddressed. We’ve started our own crusade:

I’m Rooting for the Wallabies.

We know we won’t have to explain what’s required of you in too much detail. So just click the ‘Like’ button on the side bar, or go to the Facebook page directly — and get onto it for the men in gold.

And always remember: we have two cups, they have only one.

  • RugbyReg

    Fitzy has won one RWC.

    But I’m still rooting for the Wallabies.

  • FiveStarStu

    I’ll try my best but I can’t speak for the 3 billion women in the word, on one of whom this depends.

    If we get knocked out in the round-robin, though, I’ll blame the Timms’.

    • That worrying trend is a little scary isn’t it…

      I think the ship will right itself.

    • So long as your Mrs doesn’t get knocked up during the round-robin

      • Yeah, would be a worry…

  • dudebudstud

    I am going to be participating but going it solo if you know what I mean.

  • Good on ya Kiwi’s, give those sheep a rest.

  • Rugbysmartarse

    I’m in. My wife, due t give birth the night of the opening ceremony, may have other ideas, but I’m sure I can sort something out ;)

    • chasmac

      I’d suggest the poor neglected kiwi sheep would be more willing than someone who has just given birth..

  • Ooaahh

    Hopefully we can end the campaign with the biggest bang of all and fuck the kiwis on home soil.

  • Garry

    So this black ring….is it a ‘choker’?

  • Kunte

    @ Garry, yes it is. It always seems to choke everytime the good stuff comes up especially when on the receiving end from the French!

  • nickwaiheke

    as a fanatical AB supporter and proud kiwi this is insane and is what gives the kiwis a bad name

    if my pom wife read this she would dine out on it for years kiwis taking themsleves too seriously again and setting themselves up to be a joke in OZ

    I used to pretend to be an Aussie in london and give newly arrived Kiwis grief about their lack of humour same old studd

    • Westo

      You want to see something that gives Kiwi’s a bad name then watch this twat..

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qycvOtuM4ww

      • D.

        What a stroker!!!!!!!! He won’t be abstaining for the AB’s. He’s too in love with himself.

  • Ciaron

    In fact, this brain-fart is the brain-child of Telecom (well known in NZ for dumb-fuck adverts and major sponsor of the AB’s) & Saatchi & Saatchi, and has already met with universal pre-release condemnation. Move along, nothing to see here :)

  • Ozabroad

    Abstaining will be difficult wen NZ women love the catch phrase: “chuck it in Bru”. Who could resist

  • Pedro

    I wonder if this is another area where Richie McCaw is given permission to cheat?

    • Pedro

      CC is inside McCaw.

      • Pedro

        Well this doesn’t make sense any more. Why not delete it as well?

  • Ciaron
    • Ozabroad

      Cant take it back now chief. It’s like the underarm

      • Ciaron

        I have never heard an Aussie take ownership of that.

        Though I’m not seeing the equality between a bone-head on-field decision that directly affected the outcome of a match with a still-born weapons-grade-stupid marketing ploy….

        • Ozabroad

          Why so serious

        • Ooaahh

          I guess NZ have learnt it’s better to pull it than abstain.

  • Dougs

    I guess now the All Blacks have tried everything in pursuit of the elusive world cup.

    Except of course, not choking in the big moments.

    I wonder if McCaw’s current girlfriend (?Nicola Grigg) will have a chastity belt bolted on by John Key at the opening ceremony?

  • coatsieboy

    What absolute twaddle…

    By this logic I ALONE have accrued enough points in abstinence through periodical bouts of reluctant celibacy for Australia to win all of the past RWC’s, the International Rules, the netball, the farcical League World (cough) Cup, the Cricket, the Wogball, the Ultimate Frisbee and most of the Olympic summer events for all perpetuity.

    Even now I’m married my accommodating wife resides in another country until I move there shortly… More cold showers here than in the antarctic

    You can thank me for the success in Australian sport leading up to the 2000 Sydney Olympics… All owed to the great dry spell of 1999; the pubs of Sydney were also to benefit from this drought enforced by the sensibilities, good taste and breeding of the fairer sex of my home town

  • Graeme

    All I can say is that there’s going to be a lot of pissed off sheep in NZ.

  • Muffy

    Look you have to see the bigger picture here guys, on the plus side it will stop them reproducing, and we all know the Gold Coast is getting overcrowded..

    Might even get a ticket to the Reds Blues game at suncorp in years to come :)

  • Ozabroad

    Gold Coast is a hole

    • Muffy

      Thats true, thats why we are filling it full of Kiwis, when its full we will cover it over and rebuild…dont tell them though :):)

  • suckerforred

    Ahhh…. puss fenny!

  • BloodRed

    I’m married to a Kiwi and she’s been trying to practise abstainence for the world cup for years now.
    She’s also proof that Kiwi ref’s can police the breakdown strictly if motivated. If I manage to get some game time, she pings me for hands in the ruck everytime and look out if I try to slow the ball down.

  • Ooaahh

    because winning a world cup shouldn’t be hard
    abstain for the allblacks

  • Better Red Than Ted

    So they’ve abandoned the campaign now – won’t somebody think of the sheep???

  • Pingback: Podcast 32: Rooting for the Wallabies (Squad)()

  • Pingback: Podcast 33 – Fight Club()

  • Pingback: Podcast 34 – Champions Forever()

  • Pingback: Podcast 35 – Bon Voyage()

All Blacks
@mrtimms

Steve Timms, He likes watching the odd game of Rugby, occasionally writes about it.. Proud member of the original Mudchooks.

More in All Blacks