I could never try and pretend to be a South African, it would be like me trying to be religious, but I know the pain of constant losing in one particular tournament and I think if I was South African I’d feel roughly like this…
What is the fucken point of us playing in this tournament. What is ever our point as a cricket team in general. Every fucken time we just fold up like a plastic chair at even a hint of referred pressure. You can say we’ve been unlucky, you can say we’ve been cocky, you you can also say that our very existence is proof that humans are lucky to have thumbs because otherwise we’d all be crawling around in the mud grunting at each other. I can understand losing to a better team. I can even understand having the opposition just out play us on the other day. But we don’t need a fucken other team, we just need ourselves. New Zealand could have put out a whole team of cardboard cut outs and just waited for us to fuck up. I feel bad for New Zealand, because they might have been good enough on the day to beat us regardless, but it’s almost impossible to give them any real credit when we went we lost this game by simply turning up knowing it was a knock out match. Before today I would have liked to believe that the reason we had lost in the past might have stemmed from a belief that we couldn’t get to the top of world cricket. But we fucken did, we beat Australia at home, well before they really turned to shit, and even after some hiccups we were the number one ranked test side for a time. India are the number one test side in the world, and they can’t beat us in a test series. We should be cocky swinging motherfuckers who believe that nothing can stop us. We have the world’s best pace bowler and the world’s best wrist spinner, we have a statistical colossal all rounder, as good a batsman in world cricket opening up and our number four has the ability to do every but turn water into wine. Still we fuck up. Still we find a way to make ourselves the world’s laughing stock for the 6th ****ing cock of a time. It’s fucking bullshit. It’s a fucking disgrace. And it’s all so fucking inevitable. Our cricket board’s twitter account was trying to make light of the c word. Fuck the C word. Don’t give me this C is for Champions bullshit. C is for fucking choke because everytime we end up in this fucking tournament we choke. We fucking choke. That is what we do. CHOke choke choke choke shocke chokec chokelks chokelmkwe CHOKE CHOKE CHOKEKKE. That is what C is for, that is what we did, and frankly fuck off to anyone who says next time that we aren’t chokers. We aren’t chokers in four years time when we win this tournament, until then we fucken are. Actually, fuck this tournament as well, it can choke on my fucken rage. Fuck this tournament, fuck the ICC, let’s just pull out. We don’t need this shit, we’re a proud people who has changed out nation more in the last few years than some countries have in hundreds of years. So fuck the ICC, fuck the world cup, and fuck our attempts at ever winning this. The world is a fucked up place and I hope that tomorrow the whole place gets smashed by an astroid and everyone on this planet s fucks off and dies.