The remade Thunderbirds TV series is a disappointing piece of shit.
No, I'm not a child, and yes, I know the show is not intended for me, but as someone with the mental age of 6-year old I am eminently qualified to state that the new Thunderbirds remake is a turgid 0/10. Naturally, as a small boy in the 1970's I had a raging pindick stiffy for the original tv show so of course I am biased.
As you'd expect, the remake has eschewed the 1960's Team America-style puppets with the visible wires that everyone had a laugh about back in the day. "You can SEE the fucken wires, lol, this is so stupid and tinpot." Yep. Until the Team America film made it pisstake cool again. The T-birds remake, with its new animation technology whizz bang blurring around at attention disorder hyperspeed, does nothing to differentiate itself from the spamspew of identical bollocks on Cartoon Network. No, I don't watch Cartoon Network but stfu i'm not finsihed yet
The OG Thunderbirds with its shitty puppets and crappily flying toys pottering about at snail-like speed took its sweet motherfucking time to get from A to B. Like a great athlete, or great musician, the best ones look like they have all the time in the world. I have just brilliantly transposed this theoriii to the 1960's and 2019 Thunderbirds tv series. The great ones don't have to rush, it just comes to them. Think wooden pilots taking 30 seconds to slide down to their Thunderbirds rockets housed in rad-looking underground lairs as the music soared. The child is enthralled and most importantly left to soak it all in and imagine themselves doing it. Puppets sitting around inertly like cadavery plonkers allowed you the child time to wallow in the scenery, imagining themselves there in the scene, which Thunderbird character they'd be, Brains, or Virgil or whatever.
These marionetted 33rpm-paced interactions in a 45rpm world were the micro-semantic cavities that housed the germination chambers facilitating ignition sequence spark to the childs imagination. Yes, thats a contender for wankiest sentence in internet history but nevermind that now because holy crap I want a Thunderbirds toy so I can reenact that takeoff shit.
The new Thunderbirds leaves zero time for imagination, they just bulldoze the flashing lights and transformery wallop and stream of shitty hero dialogue directly into the kids brain. Micro-semantic spaces with soaring string music ready to kindle the fire of imagination are doused by the need to rush fast-as-fuck to the next action blur and spoonfeed the whole lot into a smartphoned 7-year old boy's brain lest after 5 seconds the wee lad's mind gets left to its own devices and gets bored and oh shit click
