Ebola causes headaches, feelings of nausea and is very difficult to get rid of.
Is it a virus or a free U2 album?
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So far, more Americans have been married to Kim Kardashian than have died from Ebola.
And the Ebola victims suffered less.
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Heathrow airport has abandoned its Ebola screeningprogram .
Its equipment to detect overheated, sweating, hunched up passengers has so far identified everyone arriving on a Ryan Air flight.
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A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final exam.
“Now, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!”
A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, “What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?”
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, “Well, I guess you’d have to write with your other hand.”
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One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts.
He'd toss them in the air, and then catch them in his mouth In the
middle of catching one, his wife asked him a question - and as he
turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear.
He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in
deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to the hospital.
As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home
with her date. After being informed of the problem, their
daughter's date said he could get the peanut out..
The young man told the father to sit down, then proceeded to
shove two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard.
When the father blew, the peanut flew out of his ear.
The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young
man insisted that it was nothing.
Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father and said,
'That's so wonderful! Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows older?'
The father replied, 'From the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law..."