Amazing things on the internet

[Dismal Pillock]

Very, very accurate & not just in 'straya, either

My new fav website, I'd love to know how you found it (embellish the truth as much as necessary).....

just stumbled across it. Says the author is a 22 yr old female. SKEPTICAL. Not misogynously so, just that the writing is decidedly worldly for a 22 yr old

There are some sumptuous vignettes in there, i especially like the cop one way down the bottom.

"I’ve always wanted to murder brown people but I wasn’t mentally stable enough to join the Army."

Good God, it also serves as a very sobering reminder to NEVER put your bloody photo up on the internet. All those "stock photos"? Why do people agree to such things? God, how would you like to wind up on one of my Gunstonian horror show freebie webpages...... http://gunstonlegal.wix.com/legal

 

[waiopehu oldboy]

^^^^ yeah, no way a 22yo could be responsible for that level of genius. I'd put a lazy few bucks on the author being female, though, that combo of eye-gougingly brutal honesty & bitchiness can't possibly have been thought up by a mere bloke. I'm picturing the author(s) being 30-40 something who've been in at least a coupla really bad relationships & the website is their therapy..........

 

[cyclopath]

Yeah, you need mid-late 40s, world-weariness, better than year 10 Gen Y English and some deeply-seated bitterness at the world to produce gold like that. But they nailed it, whoever the fuck they are.

 

[Ruggo]

 

[waiopehu oldboy]

^^^^^^^ Gold. Pure Gold.

 

[The_Brown_Hornet]

@Dismal Pillock, is this your doing?

http://www.nitflux.co.nz/

 

[Dismal Pillock]

@Dismal Pillock, is this your doing?

http://www.nitflux.co.nz/

ha no but quickly sent off my $66.
similar theme to one from my rubbish homemade nz herald website back in the day...

New music service courts tech-averse listeners

--Sydney Morning Herald--

A simple new online music service will launch worldwide this week aimed at the millions who like music but struggle with the technology to find and listen to it.

The service, run by budding Australian music entrepreneur Gene "Gene-o" Gunston will offer "about 10 thousand million songs" for dubbing from around "$5 bucks a f**kin' burl ya f**kin' wanker."

The service, according to Mr Gunston, involves the process of "me making you a fuckin' mix tape."

"No Pet Shop Boys, ya fuckin poof."
- Online Music Mogul Mr Gene Gunston.

"Just give us a call and if I'm not too busy dumping cadavers at the quarry at all hours of the day and fuckin' night, I might just see fit, after your cheque's cleared of course, to fire up the good old Daewoo twin tape-deck ghetto blaster and dub you a bit of acca dacca on there. Might even put some Chisel on too if i'm feeling charitable and you don't seem like too much of a smelly whinging foreigner."

"All that 'download computer click dot fucking com' bullshit is bloody bullshit" continued Mr Gunston. "Far too tricky when you're half-pissed. Just give us a call and we'll hook you up. 10 bucks a tape. Pay up, wanker."

The service, which will carry no advertising, has, according to Mr Gunston, been heavily tested on elder consumers who, statistics show, are those most averse to downloading and computerised music technology in general. Here is Mr Gunston's provided transcript of the testing procedure:

Mr Gunston: "Aunty Doris, you want me to make you a fuckin' mix tape?"
Aunty Doris Gunston: "Just get me another drink you little homo."
Mr Gunston: "Right you are."

"Ringing endorsement I reckon" said Mr Gunston as he slurped clumsily directly from the sherry casket nozzle.

"GET IN HERE WITH THAT BLOODY SHERRY IMMEDIATELY YOU SMELLY LITTLE RODENT HEAD."

"Our low initial prices are designed to attract customers unsure about signing up to new services before they knew how they worked" Mr Gunston said.
"Once Wayne gets your credit card number it's just a matter of siphoning zeroes to our bank account before hang on, what's that whirring sound, that little thing is recording? You fu

 

[Hugh Jarse]

I liked this story.

 

[Hugh Jarse]

A challenger to creative mind that is @Dismal Pillock?

 

[The_Brown_Hornet]

The comment thread is pretty funny. There really are some people out there looking around for things to get offended about.

 

[Teh Other Dave]

"I drove past this the other day and have to say that I didnt like it. It wasnt so much the hay bale structure, it was the level of detail that the maker went to to make it 'anatomically correct'. Bit too much detail. Im not old or unaware of nature. I just found it creepy."

Yes, such a faithful reproduction of the rake-tailed bovinus and its mating habits.

 

[Scoey]

Being offended is so 'on trend' right now.

 

[Hugh Jarse]

Nothing like a good fart joke.

 

[Hugh Jarse]

Sensational.

UFO caught on tape.

Spoiler

 

[Ruggo]

Fucking gold.

 

[Sully]

I laughed my arse off

 

[Dismal Pillock]

Fred Dagg, wow this took me back, so much fun in this vid, as a sprog i never realised it at the time but in hindsight F.Dagg was an absolute master class in stating the bloody obvious while simultaneously ruining it

i wonder if Trevor Dagg didnt subconsciously sow the seed of the Trevor Gunston rubbish in my tiny pillock 6 year-old brain back in 1975........

 

[Hugh Jarse]

^^Any relation to Ponsonby's LooseHead Len @Dismal Pillock?

http://www.stuff.co.nz/sport/rugby/news/10260633/Cartoon-character-became-cultural-sensation

 

[waiopehu oldboy]

^^^^^^^^ hard to believe these days that Loosehead Len was the alter ego of Phil Gifford who saw the light & moved South at some point 20+ years ago to become the Cantabs uber alles journalist/ cheerleader he is today. Not sure what became of Susan of Herne Bay but she'd be getting on a bit so possibly chasing or being chased by dirty old men around a retirement home.

 

[Dismal Pillock]

^^^^^^^^ hard to believe these days that Loosehead Len was the alter ego of Phil Gifford who saw the light & moved South at some point 20+ years ago to become the Cantabs uber alles journalist/ cheerleader he is today. .

perhaps no coincidence his departure coincided with the gentrification triffid that enveloped Ponsonby right around the mid-90's. he got out while the getting out was good. I'm still in shock the place went from a low rent Pacific Island community in the 1970's to having those same old bogsquat tinpot shanty houses selling for millions of dollars now.

ps, as an aside did you know pretty much all of Ponsonby Rd is owned by one man? Friedlander. He was my shops landlord in the 90's. The archetypal fatcat. Only met him once. When I went in to his office on the 708th floor downtown to pay my lease. I paid in coins. $1,950. In loose change. He was very patient with me. It probably looked like I was trying to make some sort of wild and youthful punk rock anti-capitalist statement, sticking it to the man yeahhh here's your money........ but really it was just cos I was so thick and broke and disorganised hahaha