RIP Dan Vickerman

[Scrubber2050]

Incredibly sad news.

The man was an intelligent human being and a great rugby player who gave tremendous service to the rugby community at various levels.

Suicide (confirmed to me by several sources) is a blight on society and often it is enough to simply "open up" to family, friends and or professional counsellors to avert the consequences,

I feel great sorrow for his parents, his siblings and extended family (if any), his wife and most of all his children

Rest in Peace Dan.

 

[Spieber]

Message from SUFC

Dear SUFC Community
Dan’s passing is a very sad moment for our tight SUFC community.
We send our thoughts and love to Dan's young family.
We would encourage anyone affected by this terribly sad news to support each other and to contact the club if they would like to talk. The strength of our community is how we support each other, and it starts with asking for help.
Along with his 63 tests for the Wallabies we're especially proud to claim Dan as an SUFC great. Since coming to Australia in 2000, SUFC was not only the foundation of his Australian rugby career, but it's where many of his Australian mateships were formed. His first year with the Club saw him score 7 tries and named best forward, his SUFC career spanned from 2001-11 and saw him play 49 1st Grade games, including 3 Grand Finals. Dan then become part of the coaching team from 2012-14. Many of us will either have worn the jersey with him, cheered him on from the stand, or in time have been coached by him and even mentored by him in his work with SURPASS.
Dan played tough and hard without compromise. He stood just as tall as a mate and a gentleman. We're ever grateful to have him in our lives.
Angus StuartPresident, SUFC

 

[Slim 293]

Former Wallabies player and Brumbies captain Owen Finegan says former team-mate Dan Vickerman confided in his friends about the difficulties he faced after retiring from the game.

"I think everyone was shocked by it. It was devastating — we all play on an old boys team called the Silver Foxes and Dan had expressed a number of times how difficult his transition was and it is difficult for a lot of professional sports people, especially when you've had 10 or more years at the top of the game," Finegan said.

Finegan said Vickerman's wife and children will be offered help.

"I'm sure the whole rugby community will come around them. I've only heard for about — well it hasn't even been 24 hours and you think to yourself could you have done anything to help him," he said.

"He's got a young family and they'll need all the support they can get. [It will] definitely be something that everyone will be offering and be very supportive to Sarah and the kids and their needs."

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-02-...er-retirement-from-rugby-owen-finegan/8285644

 

[Ignoto]

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-02-...er-retirement-from-rugby-owen-finegan/8285644

Damn, must have been some horrible demons he was facing. With this time studying abroad I thought he may have found something to help with the transition. As much mud that gets flung around about Rugby being an "old boys' club, from the outside it appears that past players are looked out for when they look to step away?

Similarly, Steph Rice made some pretty relevant remarks on this topic after Grant Hackett had another slip. Amongst acknowledging how difficult retirement can be on athletes, a previous Aussie coach mentions that these types of depressions could be biological.

"A lot of the high achievers in our sport, they basically become a victim of their own success," Mr Sutton told Nine Network on Friday.

"We need to realise that these athletes are actually addicted to dopamine, which is the achievement drug that the brain releases."

http://www.smh.com.au/sport/swimmin...eveals-postswimming-woes-20170217-guf9cj.html

 

[TOCC]

This isn't just an issue for professional sportsmen, they just happen to be the most high profile cases. I attended a funeral of a mate last week, he passed away leaving behind a wife and 3 kids, this is a bloke who was as tough as nails and had worked in some of the toughest environments you could imagine..he had dozens of mates but very few knew he had demons, and no one thought that the issue was bad enough to take his own life.

Last week marked the 3rd funeral for a mate or co-worker in the last 3 years who has taken their own life, this issue is more common and prevalent then society tends to accept or talk about. Suicide shouldn't be taboo, we shouldn't be afraid to talk about it as if it were something to be ashamed of, that's more likely to make people less inclined to discuss their issues.

What happened to Vickerman is a terrible loss, the pain that he must have been going through is something I can't truly comprehend. He would have know the implications, he would have understood the grief it would cause his loved ones but his pain was greater then all those.

Depression and stress happen in everyone, doesn't matter how tough or successful you are, we are all our own harshest critics and what we think of someone else isn't necessarily what they may think of themselves.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

 

[cyclopath]

This isn't just an issue for professional sportsmen, they just happen to be the most high profile cases. I attended a funeral of a mate last week, he passed away leaving behind a wife and 3 kids, this is a bloke who was as tough as nails and had worked in some of the toughest environments you could imagine..he had dozens of mates but very few knew he had demons, and no one thought that the issue was bad enough to take his own life.

Last week marked the 3rd funeral for a mate or co-worker in the last 3 years who has taken their own life, this issue is more common and prevalent then society tends to accept or talk about. Suicide shouldn't be taboo, we shouldn't be afraid to talk about it as if it were something to be ashamed of, that's more likely to make people less inclined to discuss their issues.

What happened to Vickerman is a terrible loss, the pain that he must have been going through is something I can't truly comprehend. He would have know the implications, he would have understood the grief it would cause his loved ones but his pain was greater then all those.

Depression and stress happen in everyone, doesn't matter how tough or successful you are, we are all our own harshest critics and what we think of someone else isn't necessarily what they may think of themselves.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

So true. When I had some (thankfully relatively minor) issues with this a year or two back, I was heartened by the generally supportive response from family and friends, but equally amazed at the lack of empathy from a (small) few people. Being told by a colleague to "Just get over it, snap out of it" blew my mind. In my game, people are used to being in control all the time, and some very intelligent people cannot get their heads around the fact that sometimes things happen to you that you cannot bend to your will. And when a number of seemingly manageable (on an individual basis) challenges gradually stack up, it creeps up, especially when you don't really work your way through them at the time.

 

[waiopehu oldboy]

Sir John Kirwan fronted a TV ad for one of the mental health organisations some years back & recounted opening up to a mate about the problems he was having & the mate telling him to "harden up". It's a prevalent attitude & it's quite literally killing young (& not so young) men. God knows how you go about changing it, though, it just seems so deeply embedded.

 

[Gnostic]

So true. When I had some (thankfully relatively minor) issues with this a year or two back, I was heartened by the generally supportive response from family and friends, but equally amazed at the lack of empathy from a (small) few people. Being told by a colleague to "Just get over it, snap out of it" blew my mind. In my game, people are used to being in control all the time, and some very intelligent people cannot get their heads around the fact that sometimes things happen to you that you cannot bend to your will. And when a number of seemingly manageable (on an individual basis) challenges gradually stack up, it creeps up, especially when you don't really work your way through them at the time.

Another thing that is so often forgotten is the fact that for many there is no cure, just varying times of "remission", the black dog that is lurking to bite when you least expect it. Learning the coping mechanisms to manage an attack/episode is an individual journey and different for everyone and this can be the hardest thing for others (and the sufferer) to accept, the lack of obvious triggers at times, and the lack of clear progression in the "cure" with so many regressions along the way until that way of coping is found and even then there are shit days.

The revelation of this condition to others certainly sorts the wheat from the chaff in terms of those deserving of further contact with on any level.

 

[Rugbynutter39]

Dan Vickerman's suicide sucks.....no two ways about it.....

My father attempted suicide a couple of times in his life including slashing his wrists (his hands and use of them were never the same afterwards) and was finally diagnosed as bipolar and unfortunately for the last 20 years of his life was never happy. He died a young 63 from an overdoes in the end whilst I was living overseas.

To see someone you love and admire struggle with depression and not ever able to get themselves out of it and feel life is not worth living is tough. Mental illness is a huge problem in our society and sadly Dan Vickerman's profile gives a public reminder to what is a big problem in the modern day society we live in. Tragic waste for someone who contributed so much to Australian Rugby.

 

[Scoey]

I am the same age as Dan and I have a wife and two young kids. I've struggled with an anxiety disorder (AD) for most of my adult life.

As with many, anxiety got me down and I spent many years either depressed or anxious. I told no one until one day I hit rock bottom and thankfully I made the right choice and chose to talk to my now wife. She made me talk to a professional and I was diagnosed with depression in addition to my AD.

I've had better times and not so great times since, but I've spoken to different people at different times and I feel I have better clarity about what I'm dealing with, if not control. It's amazing how much talking to some people can help. As Cyclopath has said though, it's quite amazing how talking to others can leave me feeling even more worthless. Thankfully though, I'm getting better at dealing with the latter and they are becoming less common.

The news of Dan's passing was quite upsetting for me. My wife and I had a big chat about it last night as she could tell I was dwelling on it. I got quite upset but we worked through it. I don't understand it but that's not the problem I don't think. It's the thought that someone could be where I am in life, with a loving wife and two beautiful children and still feel like the world is better off without them. That they can just feel that crap they they can't go on living. I don't know if it's despair for just how bad he must've been feeling to do this, or what his wife and kids now have to deal with or fear that as bad as I have been in the past, it can and does get a lot worse for others and therefore could do for me. Maybe it's both.

I have a really good support network nowadays and I'm using it. I still feel upset now but and that's ok.

If you are struggling and don't know where to turn to, may i offer the following places to start:
- Family and friends; Regardless of how you feel about yourself, they love you and want to help. They may not know how but they will try.
- A GP; talk to them and they will get you in touch with a counselor; this has been the single best thing I have done for myself. It may take you a few to find one that you 'click' with but keep looking if you need to.
- Lifeline; I've had both good an bad experiences with lifeline but if you feel there's no one else, call them.
- Support groups; I have joined a group in my area call Men Supporting Men. This has been amazing. They meet once a week and I attend as often or as little as I want. Sometimes I get help, other times I help others. Give it a go.

Look out for your brothers.

 

[Scrubber2050]

Scoey

Appreciate your heartfelt narrative and it's great that you recognise the "dangers" and have a support network around you.

Mate I don't know you but I fully support you. Look at the wife and especially your kids - they love you unconditionally.

Onwards and Upwards Scoey, old mate

 

[Scoey]

Thanks Scrubber. I'm ok

 

[The_Brown_Hornet]

I'm still in a state of shock and disbelief over this. For some reason this morning it hit me even harder than on the weekend. Just goes to show that underneath all that success can lie some pretty dark stuff and we don't always know it's there with other people.

 

[MajorlyRagerly]

Hello there team - long time no comms.

I'll be honest, I just came on to read the Vickerman thread to see if there was anymore info here about that, but then saw all the above posts. I then felt compelled to login, just to say hello.

Isn't it totally amazing that in amongst people you don't even know, people you just talk to on a daily basis, just how many are dealing with inner demons? It certainly makes you tihnk about you should treat people who seem a little at odds, just how far you should force a disagreement, and at what point do you generally ask, are you ok. A good mate of mine asked me for a beer a month or so back, and the guy is properly in shit street for various reasons which I won't go into. So we had a long chat, I tried to put things into perspective for him, but he just didn't get it. To cut a long story short, a few of us managed to finally convince him to chat to people seriously about it. He's yet to thank us for this, although his wife already has. I had a couple of issues when I was uni (many moons ago) and haven't had any relapses, although with personal situations about many things a long way up the brown creek at the moment, I'm concious of it, and know when to step away, and take a breather. I do have a young family though who can turn my mood on dime (either direction, as all parents know!) which I think really helps keep me all balanced.

Anyway sorry, I have dithered. I'm genuinely upset for you guys with what happeend to DV, and am passing on my condolences to the Australian Rugby Community - all of you.

I am intending to find more time over the coming months for the internet, so with any luck (?), I'll be back a bit to stir the pot up when the Lions come to town, and you guys subsequently have a bash at regaining the Bled. I genuinely wish you no luck at all in that, but equally as genuinely wish you all the best to battle whatever demons you may face.

 

[p.Tah]

It's been a while Majorly. Welcome back

 

[cyclopath]

Indeed, good to see you again, MR!

 

[formerflanker]

It is very hard for someone who has never felt the depths of despair to understand what depression is. Having been upset, or sad, or down, is not going to help someone understand a friend's depression.
Hence, Scoeys advice above to seek professional help is spot on.

 

[Dismal Pillock]

Isn't it totally amazing that in amongst people you don't even know, people you just talk to on a daily basis, just how many are dealing with inner demons?

you really do just never fahkin know. guilty myself of thinking of suicide in an alarmingly stupidly casual way, a few times a week I think "fuckit, all I have to do is step in front of this high speed train and the chivalrous chicanery of the charlatan charade will all be fucken over, godspeed the fuckin vortex." chickens way out of course. you get the blissfully black solution while Camp Leader & MiniMe get you-know-what

 

[ChargerWA]

I think one of the hardest things to reconcile with this tragic news is from an outsiders perspective Vicks seemed like one of THE toughest guys around. And the scary thing is he may have resisted seeking help because he viewed himself that way as well.

 

[USARugger]

Sir John Kirwan fronted a TV ad for one of the mental health organisations some years back & recounted opening up to a mate about the problems he was having & the mate telling him to "harden up". It's a prevalent attitude & it's quite literally killing young (& not so young) men. God knows how you go about changing it, though, it just seems so deeply embedded.

Time. The stigma around mental illness in my own generation isn't even a shadow of what it was just one or two prior.

This entire situation is unspeakably tragic. I don't know what else to say other than hoping that the rugby community will come to the support of Dan and his family like I expect them to. I can't imagine how deep that darkness must have run for Dan to see not other way out.

Without sounding too callous and with no knowledge of Dan's religious preference or the details of his death, I do wonder if having a Doctor take a look at his brain may be for the benefit of everyone involved in this sport.

If anyone on a rugby pitch is at danger of brain damage from the game, you would have to think it would be the tight five forwards. Because of how young the professional game is you can't really point at older generations as evidence that this isn't a possibility with rugby - they barely played and not with nearly the same intensity/physicality. I don't know if a study of this nature has ever been performed on a professional rugby player.