All-Time Crim 1st XV

[I like to watch]

I would like to see that grub on the wrong side of a ruck full of Dismal's boys....

 

[ACT Crusader]

I think poor old Sione Lauaki has been sold a little short here.

Charged in 2010 with assault at a Tron bar. Also charged in 2010 for careless driving and crashing.

And I seem to recall another run in he had for damaging property last year and had to go to court.

 

[Wales Fan]

Nice to see no Welsh players named here as we're saintly in nature obviously !
There is a Welshman who deserves a spot in this side as a scrum half - David Bishop.
He had one cap for Wales against the all conquering 84' Wallabies & was the only home nations player to score a try in that series.
Off the pitch he was a diverse character serving time inside for assault also being banned by the WRU for a full season for breaking an opponent's jaw.

 

[HighPlainsDrifter]

A shame he had a record ...The last bit sounds interesting ... in Aust he could have become a barrister .

 

[Dismal Pillock]

I think poor old Sione Lauaki has been sold a little short here.

Charged in 2010 with assault at a Tron bar. Also charged in 2010 for careless driving and crashing.

And I seem to recall another run in he had for damaging property last year and had to go to court.

I knew he'd done some rotten shit. Is he ready to leapfrog the loosie-less bench and supplant incumbent Cliff Palu's sad little "weekend detention for assault" role at blindside flanker?

And more importantly, who are the commentators I see in the booth up there?

".....sometimes I think some of these convicted murderer drongo forwards are actually trying to kick it over the bloody fence....."

 

[kandos]

Would second David Bishop. He got booted out of Union and came to League and played for Hull KR. Saw him deck someone in a bar for calling him a Welsh c... . He had a punch like an exocet.

The irony of him breaking Chris Jarman's jaw was that Jarman played for South Wales Police who were universally considered to be the dirtiest team in Wales and he was considered the dirtiest player. Jarman cracked Bishop with an elbow I think; Bishop said 'do that again you big c... and I'll break your jaw'. Jarman didn't heed the warning and tried again. Bish put him away with one punch. Jarman's 6 foot 5 and Bish 5 foot 9.

I think Jarman appears in one of Brian Moore's compilation on Youtube of some of the off the incidents that happen.

 

[grousehouse]

Weakest thing I ever heard was back in about 2007. An Auckland Blues player was in court for beating up his wife or girlfriend (can't remember which). Apparently dragged her down the street by her hair. Anthony Tuitavake helped him to create a diversion at the court house so that the media couldn't find out who the guilty party was.

Sam Tuitupou

 

[Slim 293]

Looks as though Karmichael Hunt is putting his hand up for selection.........

 

[Hugh Jarse]

For the cross coders, there surely has to be a qualifying period in Rugby for selection.

The alleged offence occurred while he was associated with another code, and excluding trials matches, he as only played one fair dinkum game of Rugby (this time around).

 

[Hardtackle]

Surely Matt To'omua will be convicted for that crime against humanity of a haircut that even 4 year old girls on holidays look stupid with?

 

[Tomikin]

For the cross coders, there surely has to be a qualifying period in Rugby for selection.

The alleged offence occurred while he was associated with another code, and excluding trials matches, he as only played one fair dinkum game of Rugby (this time around).

I wouldnt really call what he did there playing. but I suppose he stood 10 metres back and never came close to being offside.

 

[qwerty51]

If that's enough to put someone on this list, you may as well put half the rugby playing public on it.

Like I said..

 

[Ado Tornado]

Tim Bristow, Private Investigator.
Banned from rugby for life in 1962 for knocking out 8 opposing players.
Notorious enforcer. Had a book written about him - Bristow: Last of the Hard Men. Served time in Berrima Jail.
Best quotes:
"I had the biggest divorce inquiry service in Australia, breaking down about eight doors a night."

"I bribed police for 40 years. I found that the higher I went in society the lower the morals became."
PS I remember John Payne as a centre for Manly.

So in the late 60's playing for Newport Juniors U8's Tim Bristow was driving a few us home from a game on a Sat morning. There was an accident on the Wakehurst Parkway and one driver was giving the other driver a massive gobful. Tim, much to the disdain of his wife pulled over and got involved. 15 seconds later they were both on the deck- lights out. Tim got back in the car and off we went back to Newport. True story.

 

[Dismal Pillock]

haha, thats great, with the impressionable U8's in the car. I hope he turned to you sprogs and sagely asided "..... and that's how you settle differences of opinion both on and off the footie field."

come to think of it, this Bristow fella should be starting at prop. All poor old Keith Murdock did was punch one security guard in a hotel kitchen. Big deal.

1 Tim Bristow: Banned from rugby for life in 1962 for knocking out 8 opposing players.
2 Henry Tromp: killing a farm worker
3 Bees Roux: cop killer
4 Rudi Virage: shot and killed his 19 yo daughter.
5 Idi Amin: accusations of "genocide"
6 Cliff Palu: weekend detention for assault.
7 Joseph Ntshongwana: killed 3 with an axe
8 Marc Cecillon: performing the eternal willie-away on own wife
9 Mark Catchpole: busted for dealing drugs. 9 months P.D
10 Steve Pokere, helping fleece his fellow Mormons of $3.9M, 2 1/2 years jail.
11 C.Guevara: killing blokes left right and centre
12 G.Moala: bashing people up on K Rd. Sentence pending.
13 John Payne: crippling someone in a bar fight.
14 John Ryan: busted for an attempted armed hold-up.
15 Matthew Ridge: property development company went bust owing tradies & suppliers millions

Bench

Keith Murdock: punching a pom in 1862 and maybe killing some bloke in the outback
Jimmy Cowan: assaulting 2 bouncers. Should've tried to sell them drugs instead.
R.Brooke (trying to root some kid up in the islands or soemthing?)
Doug Rolleson, pokie machine money fraud: not for personal gain hence no jail
Wendall Sailor, failed drug test for cocaine & banned for two years
Zac Guildford (naked pissing and beating up an old bloke in Rarotonga)
Mitchell Scott: convicted of assault.
Brian Lima: GBH

Wider training group

Matt Henjak: broke Haig Sare's jaw
Julian Savea: wifebeating
Sivivatu: domestic violence against his girlfriend/wife
Sione Luaaki: trashing motel room/charged in with assault at a Tron bar/charged for careless driving and crashing/guilty of dropping 5 passes in one half of test match rugby while playing for the New Zealand All Blacks.
W.Ripia: looting own team dressing room haha. (Will need to steal $4 million dollars to usurp Mr Pokere from 1st XV)
Cameron Shepherd: jumping on parked cars outside the Star Casino. Needs to find more cars. A lot more cars. And maybe another casino.
Willie Anderson: nicked a flag on tour in Argentina. Think bigger, Willie.
Doug Howlett: jumping on cars post world cup exit
K.Beale: being a dick. (just being a dick no longer enough to warrant selection)
Khunt: distributing cocaine and not offering me any at all.

Staff: Q.Cooper (Laptop Analysis)
Coach: D.Crowley
Selectors: D.Pillock, Aunty Agnes and her niece Raewyn (pictured below)

 

[Dismal Pillock]

Mils putting his hand up for that #15 jersey:

http://www.independent.ie/sport/rug...ed-in-britain-after-team-defeat-31117263.html

Has history, pissing in pot plants of Parnell bar. I presume it was pot plants. Pissing down own leg could get a bit pongy later.

Hopefully just looking for a WTG spot here.......

 

[qwerty51]

Amazing he was arrested at his match, imagine a situation where a player has to come off to be put in cuffs.

 

[Dismal Pillock]

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/rugby/news/article.cfm?c_id=80&objectid=11475141

All Black hands over control of operating unit from brain to dick.

--NZ Herald--

10 years rock solid at the back and now 100 cap All Black Mils Muliaina has decided to hand over control of his life-affirming functions from his brain to his dick. He has been charged with sexual assault. He has also left his wife and his son, a child who was born with a hole in his heart.

The New Operating Unit

"The cock is now in full control of this vessel" continued the decorated ex-All Black. "All hands on deck. I mean dick."

 

[boyo]

If you speak like a kiwi you can use the same word

 

[Dismal Pillock]

a dick is a dick not a deek as you deengoes over the deetch might say

ps couple of updates.

• K.Beale has dropped out of the WTG after extended good behaviour.
• Manu Tuilagi's assault conviction sees him rocket into the starting lineup at the expense of George Moala.

1 Tim Bristow: Banned from rugby for life in 1962 for knocking out 8 opposing players.
2 Henry Tromp: killing a farm worker
3 Bees Roux: cop killer
4 Rudi Virage: shot and killed his 19 yo daughter.
5 Idi Amin: accusations of "genocide"
6 Cliff Palu: weekend detention for assault.
7 Joseph Ntshongwana: killed 3 with an axe
8 Marc Cecillon: performing the eternal willie-away on own wife
9 Mark Catchpole: busted for dealing drugs. 9 months P.D
10 Steve Pokere, helping fleece his fellow Mormons of $3.9M, 2 1/2 years jail.
11 C.Guevara: killing blokes left right and centre
12 Manu Tuilagi: convicted of assaulting two female police officers and a taxi driver.
13 John Payne: crippling someone in a bar fight.
14 John Ryan: busted for an attempted armed hold-up.
15 Matthew Ridge: property development company went bust owing tradies & suppliers millions

Bench

Keith Murdock: punching a pom in 1862 and maybe killing some bloke in the outback
Jimmy Cowan: assaulting 2 bouncers. Should've tried to sell them drugs instead.
R.Brooke (trying to root some kid up in the islands or soemthing?)
Doug Rolleson, pokie machine money fraud: not for personal gain hence no jail
Wendall Sailor, failed drug test for cocaine & banned for two years
Zac Guildford (naked pissing and beating up an old bloke in Rarotonga)
Mitchell Scott: convicted of assault.
Brian Lima: GBH

Wider training group

Matt Henjak: broke Haig Sare's jaw
G.Moala: bashing people up on K Rd.
Julian Savea: wifebeating. And landing an $800,000 All Black contract and celebrating by spending the whole lot at Pizza Hut.
Sivivatu: domestic violence against his girlfriend/wife
Sione Luaaki: trashing motel room/charged in with assault at a Tron bar/charged for careless driving and crashing/guilty of dropping 5 passes in one half of test match rugby while playing for the New Zealand All Blacks.
W.Ripia: looting own team dressing room haha. (Will need to steal $4 million dollars to usurp Mr Pokere at 1st 5 from 1st XV)
Cameron Shepherd: jumping on parked cars outside the Star Casino. Needs to find more cars. A lot more cars. And maybe another casino.
Willie Anderson: nicked a flag on tour in Argentina. Think bigger, Willie.
Doug Howlett: jumping on cars post world cup exit
Khunt: distributing cocaine and not offering me any at all.

 

[pjm]

5 Idi Amin: accusations of "genocide"
6 Cliff Palu: weekend detention for assault.
7 Joseph Ntshongwana: killed 3 with an axe

Puts it in perspective.