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Auckland Blues To Infinity and Beyond

Dan54

Tim Horan (67)
Tend to think they may need to remove board zer0, the Blues have struggled well before Kirwan took over, seems to be something awful wrong there.
 

zer0

Jim Lenehan (48)
Tend to think they may need to remove board zer0, the Blues have struggled well before Kirwan took over, seems to be something awful wrong there.


They do, and some more. What they don't need to do is accept any more of Kirwan's coaching mediocrity while the entire franchise is reorganised.

So if it's a case of getting Smith on the condition that Kirwan stays as head coach, then Smith can stay in the Tron. There are others who can probably do the job of shaking up the organisation while also improving on-field performance.
 

Dismal Pillock

Simon Poidevin (60)
**NATIONAL DISASTER**

Pat Tuipulotu out of 2015 World Cup
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/sport/news/article.cfm?c_id=4&objectid=11458530

There are currently 12 Blues players on the injured list comprising Jerome Kaino, Steven Luatua, Faumuina, Woodcock, Tuipulotu, Charles Piutau, Pita Ahki, Dan Bowden, Luke Braid, Bryn Hall, Angus Ta'avao and Lolagi Visinia.
Replacements called in to the Blues squad include Nic Mayhew (North Harbour), who made his debut against the Hurricanes, Chris Vui (North Harbour), Sione Mafileo (North Harbour), Matt McGahan (North Harbour), Jack Ram (Northland), Scott Scrafton (Auckland) and Gerard Tuioti-Mariner (North Harbour) Dism'al P'illock (Onehunga) The Going Brothers (North Auckland) The Woodman Brothers (North Auckland) and The Gunston Brothers (Woolongong)
 

oztimmay

Geoff Shaw (53)
Staff member
Thank god the Gunston brothers are back in the squad. Who knows what could have happened this year with those two big game players on the wing centres pack bench waterboy in the front bar.
 

waiopehu oldboy

Stirling Mortlock (74)
Never mind the Woodman brothers, get Kawhena's daughter/ Fred's niece Portia in there, she'll show the boys a thing or two, how to win a "best player" trophy for starters:

image.jpg
 

Dismal Pillock

Simon Poidevin (60)
Auckland Blues 2015 Season Review.

Coach Kirwan started out the season in defiant mood ready to lead his people to the promised land.........

........but it will went wrong virtually instantly.

jesus11.gif

"Stay positive, board member wanker!"











jesus12.gif

"Get back! Let me do my jooooob."








firefrog1.gif

"Jesus, Kirwan, if you can't stand
the heat get out of the........







firefrog2.gif

.....ohh shiiiiiiiiiiiit"

....... and with that the Auckland Blues board members were vanquished for good.


The Becks.

Led the comp with 2,338 dropped balls and 1,443 missed defensive reads yet miraculously not one single hair was found out of place.

There may have been some other becks and forwards who had a run around during the course of the season but they all left early to go home and watch Shortland Street.

In Executive Summary, the season started badly, then took a turn for the worse, and from there it completely disintegrated into some sort of bowel-liquifying, face-dissolving nuclear core meltdown.
 

waiopehu oldboy

Stirling Mortlock (74)
BREAKING NEWS: North Korea has refused to grant asylum to the still-unidentified person holed up in their Tokyo consulate & claiming to represent ~40 members of the Ngati Bloos minority who he claims are bring ridiculed in their homeland for being crap at rugby.

"The Great Leader, being the World's foremost expert on all things rugby, watched tonight's match with great interest" a North Korean official said "and he was not pleased by what he saw. People have been executed by anti-aircraft artillery for less. Ngati Bloos are not welcome here. They can fuck off to the Pitcairns for all we care. And they can take their so-called spokesman/ advocate with them. In fact that's a non-negotiable".
 

Hugh Jarse

Rocky Elsom (76)
Staff member
^^^ Very serendipitous news because there are unconfirmed reports that there are some significant problems in the server room at Gunston Global HQ in the Pitcairns. Apparently these are serious problems with international ramifications for the global digital communications network.

Spokesman Gene Gunston said that traffic on strategically vital Transpacific fibreoptic cable would be restricted until the issues in the server room had been resolved, and that a team of experts from Kelliher, Braid and Pillock Communications were close to solving the problem.

Apparently Obeid Corp had routed the both Transpacific FibreOptic cables through Gunston Global Headquarters when they were originally laid, adding USD$320 m to the cost of the installation.
 

Dismal Pillock

Simon Poidevin (60)
Gunst On-il
haha, wft is that.

NK embassy Rejection Slip read
"Gunst On-il is suspected trojan horse anagram for "Stung Lion". GTFO, PILLOCK."

Full State Funeral for Auckland Blues 2015 season is being organised

Please prepare to pay your final disrespects, filing past in an orderly procession.
Kelliher, Braid and Pillock Communications

haha, let me guess, one of them does all the shitwork, another walks around with his shirt off counting on his hands and the other one is just a f**kin 100% useless idiot
 

Dismal Pillock

Simon Poidevin (60)
Auckland Blues 2015 Season Full State Funeral
"Let us gather to mourn our absolutely shit season and to bury the f**ker so deep that when they exhume the remains in the year 10666 it will still have liquid-hot magma smeg bits on its charred black dick. In fact, f**k that, let's just burn it with fire right now today."
fun2.jpg
The Funeral Procession passes solemnly through downtown Onehunga. The women weep uncontrollably. The concrete mixer mixes concrete.
fun3.jpg
The banners carry messages questioning the parentage of the coach, messages so profane that to utter them aloud in a public setting would risk immediate deportation followed by public stoning followed by arrest followed by a very, VERY stern talking-to from that one rugged uncle that everyone seems to have.
fun5.jpg
"The Season" is in this box? What does it even look like?
Nobody knows. Nobody even saw it this year."
fun4.jpg
We solemnly observe the burning of the season with
fire. It is dead now, let us never speak of it again.
Until next season when the same thing will
happen again and we have to burn its corpse again.
Lest We Forget
auckblues2015i_zpsmomrvanj.jpg
Special Mention:
auckbluestalent_zpsif2sbq4o.jpg
 

Dismal Pillock

Simon Poidevin (60)
Fun Facts* from The Halcyon Days of The Roman Empire
1995.jpg


*no, I did not make these up

They beat England, Australia and the Lions.
They won so much they started to put the Shield on the line for away games (the rules say only home games count).
Grant Fox scored 932 points in Shield matches, when for more than 75 years the record had been under 200.
John Kirwan ran in eight tries against North Otago one afternoon.
Maurice Trapp, assisted by Bryan Williams, assembled a 94 per cent winning record as coach.
Bernie McCahill played 91 times for his province and was never on the losing side.


ps apropos of nothing, North Harbour's backline in 2004:
  • Nick Evans
  • L**k McAlister.
  • Anthony Tuitavake
  • Rico Gear
  • Hosea Gear
  • Rudi Wulf
 
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