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Auckland Blues To Infinity and Beyond

Discussion in 'Rugby Discussion' started by cyclopath, Feb 17, 2014.

  1. Dismal Pillock Geoff Shaw (53)

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    NZRFU draft 2 players into Auckland Blues

    --NZ Herald--

    The NZRFU have today taken the unprecedented step of performing an emergency mid-season draft involving 2 Super Rugby players.

    The hitherto hidden sub-clause in NZRFU policy was enacted by an anonymous ex-Auckland Blues assistant coach. When queried as to the period of the reallocation time the ex-coach replied "don't worry, it's not forever. Only for the next 8 seasons or so. In the overall scheme of the history of time itself it's really just a tiny, tiny blip of time."

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    "When you look at how long the overall total history of time has been, the 2 individuals named will only be at the Blues for just 2 or 3 seconds really."
    -unnamed ex-Auckland Blues assistant coach.

    "Don't panic it's done alphabetically to ensure fairness" said the ex-coach. "Starting with "A", so the first 2 players that come up are, let me see, um, Aaron Cruden and Aaron Smith. There, see that wasn't so hard. I look forward to seeing the 2 drafted players at Blues training bright and early Monday morning. Failure to comply will result in immediate termination of your NZRFU contracts. Have a nice day, fellas. In Auckland. On Monday."
  2. saulityvi Syd Malcolm (24)

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    That is actually a really good thought to play around.
    I think that Hall is more than half the problem, West has to collect so many passes by either jumping or stopping that it is very hard for him to effectively take it to the line and fix the inside defence. With a decent 9 the Blues would propably have more points by now, with bot Smith and Cruden, they would propably top the table.
    Dismal Pillock likes this.
  3. Dismal Pillock Geoff Shaw (53)

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    Just unfortunate recruitment-wise that the Blues have no 2nd 5's, centres or fullbacks.

    Let's Review:

    2nd 5's: 0

    Centres: 0

    Wings: Rieko Ioane, Moala (clueless at 2nd 5, he's a winger), Ranger, (even more clueless in midfield, def. a winger) Visinia (not a fullbacks arsehole. doesnt know where to stand on D, another best suited for the wing) Tevita Li, Melani Nanai.

    Fullbacks: 0

    In summary, zero midfielders, zero fullbacks, and 6 wingers.


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    SHOEHORN STILL TOO SMALL, NEED BIGGER ONE PLEASE.
    Brendan Hume likes this.
  4. brokendown Ron Walden (29)

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    crickey,I reckon how well the Force are travelling this season,we could do with all of them!
  5. waiopehu oldboy David Wilson (68)

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  6. 2bluesfan Nev Cottrell (35)

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    Almost certainly both, simultaneously. Take cover.
  7. waiopehu oldboy David Wilson (68)

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    ^^^^^^^^ if he goes ballistic first, there will be nowhere to hide......

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    saulityvi, cyclopath and ChargerWA like this.
  8. Teh Other Dave Trevor Allan (34)

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    Hey hey hey, the 2015 Wallabies can't be wrong!
  9. Dismal Pillock Geoff Shaw (53)

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    Sam Nock must be the keeper, messrs Hall & Guyton shown the door. Repetitive predictable shonky passes all but signposting to the opposing flankers "please feel free to run directly towards Ihaia West and smash the bastard" might do that. No wonder West stands so deep, he's trying to buy himself some fuckin time before he gets thumped.

    At least Hungus Pulu's shonky passes aren't repetitive or predictable. He does have a burl.

    Wow, a real actual live All Black playing in the backs for the Auckland Blues! And one who has played for The CHIEFS, and as such has experienced a winning culture. The Blues backs will be starstruck

    ___________________________________________

    Auckland Blues backs queue up to touch actual All Black.

    --NZ Herald--

    Following the Blues signing of 2-test All Black Augustine Pulu from the Chiefs, a number of the Auckland Blues backs have this morning formed an orderly queue at the base of their Lo-High Performance Training Centre in Auckland in the hope of "physically touching an actual All Black back who has actually played for a winning franchise".

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    "I brought my boots for him to sign."
    --Visinia.







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    "Don't jump the queue bro. I was here first."
    --Melanie Nanai.









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    "I just want him to sign my boobs."
    --a giddily squealing Tevita Li.
  10. Purce Jimmy Flynn (14)

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    I saw on the main forum page that Dismal was the last to post here and thought to myself "fark I've got to see what he has written about his own hopeless team"

    Did NOT disappoint. Thank you sir.

    I shall now be a regular visitor to this forum.
  11. waiopehu oldboy David Wilson (68)

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    Dismal Pillock, Purce and cyclopath like this.
  12. cyclopath Phil Waugh (73)

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    Like, but really don't. Too young.
  13. Dismal Pillock Geoff Shaw (53)

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    Weekend match should be made a testimonial with all gate takings going to widow and 2 young kids. Fuck any board meetings and high level talks and red tape bullshit, just give mum a giant bag of cash on Sunday morning
    saulityvi and waiopehu oldboy like this.
  14. waiopehu oldboy David Wilson (68)

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  15. waiopehu oldboy David Wilson (68)

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    AustralAuckland Super Rugby Conference points table:

    1. Brumbies (21)
    2. Rebels (17)
    3. Blues (16)
    4. Waratahs (12)
    5. Reds (8)
    6. Force (6)

    Mid-table with a bullet! First, they take Manhatten.....
  16. Teh Other Dave Trevor Allan (34)

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    Should be named the Gunston Conference
  17. Dismal Pillock Geoff Shaw (53)

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    On the bright side, the Blues actually lead the comp in possession stats.

    They have no fuckin idea what to do with any of the possession whatso-fucking-ever but still, possession of the rugby football could be good!

    Blues win next week, Rebs, Sharks and Bulls all lose, the planets align, bonus points are withheld, Satan farts, we look to the sky with praying hands, and hello, the goddamn shit-for-brains Auckland Blues are in the motherfucking Top 8 playoff picture.
    saulityvi and cyclopath like this.
  18. waiopehu oldboy David Wilson (68)

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    Yeah, but..
    image.gif

    As Ye sow, so shall Ye reap. Or words to that effect. Maybe. I dunno, really. Um, where was I again? Oh, ya, Bloos in the Super Rugby Top Eight. Ain't gunna happen, bro, ain't gunna happen.
  19. Hawko John Hipwell (52)

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    Rene Ranger has done his AC. Out for the season. Is this the end for Blues hopes or the best thing that could have happened? Discuss.
  20. zer0 Dick Tooth (41)

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    Hopes? Ha! You say that as if they had any to start with.
    Dismal Pillock likes this.

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