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Clyde Rathbone's battle with depression

MrMouse

Bob Loudon (25)
Well said shtina, if anyone is unsure if they have depression or think they might the first step can be to go to your gp. Opening up to friends and family can be one of the hardest things to do but if you go to your gp they can get you a referral for a therapist or psychologist and they have to keep patient doctor confidentiality. Honestly though it is extremely cathartic to be open about it. Start with one person who you trust and work your way from there. One of the most touching things was when I told my best mate (who's a 6'4 big unit) I had battled with depression for years and he started crying. People only ever want the best for you and there's no shame in depression, it's just that often we hide it to protect the ones we love but in doing so you cannot treat it and end up doing yourself more harm. Hope that helps.
I'm glad that you were brave enough to be honest. I've been dealing with depression, sometimes very badly, since a very young age. I tried being open early on and it backfired, finding myself actually as well as mentally ostracised, and belittled for my illness and honesty.
From there it took over a decade to even be able to be truly open with medical professionals, and while I think I've pretty much managed to learn openness and communication with my family, most friends and co-workers have no idea.
I have a feeling reading the rest of this thread is going to produce some waterworks. Damn you twitter.
 

suckerforred

Chilla Wilson (44)
I'm glad that you were brave enough to be honest. I've been dealing with depression, sometimes very badly, since a very young age. I tried being open early on and it backfired, finding myself actually as well as mentally ostracised, and belittled for my illness and honesty.
From there it took over a decade to even be able to be truly open with medical professionals, and while I think I've pretty much managed to learn openness and communication with my family, most friends and co-workers have no idea.
I have a feeling reading the rest of this thread is going to produce some waterworks. Damn you twitter.

And that is one of the things that I am hoping to change - other peoples reactions. Sorry for buggering your weekend. But I hope some of what is said here helps.
 

MrMouse

Bob Loudon (25)
I was woken this morning to the news that one of my cousins took his own life yesterday, so figured I would get this thread back to the top.

I said I would write my story and here it is. It's a bit long but hopefully it will help someone out there.
Thanks for that, SFR. It takes all kinds of bravery to expose yourself like that, and it's really encouraging to see the response people are having - as well as being therapeutic for you, it shows that sharing your experiences can make a difference.

The relative anonymity of the internet can, in this situation, help I think. But my story is locked too deep inside me to let out. No, that's not right. The rational, objective story is easy, and doesn't involve the level of trauma that yours does. I just can't let those emotions out of the box.

I've struggled with this illness since I was 15. I had what I assume was a breakdown at 20 and began comprehensive treatment. The good thing is, I'm at a point now where I'm in a stable and happy position for the first time in what seems like years - to the point where I forgot what it felt like.

It's still a constant battle. There are days I cannot get out of bed - physically cannot muster the energy. You're likely the same SFR. It's exhausting to live like that.

But it's a battle that must be fought, and can be won.
That's genuinely awesome Stu. I'm getting somewhere like that too, slowly but surely - inspirational :)
 

MrMouse

Bob Loudon (25)
And that is one of the things that I am hoping to change - other peoples reactions. Sorry for buggering your weekend. But I hope some of what is said here helps.
Yeah the trick now is to rip yourself away and not spend too much time wading through your thoughts. It can get mucky in there. Lovely grey day and lots of unstructured thinking time. Win.

PUPPIES!
 

The_Brown_Hornet

John Eales (66)
The relative anonymity of the internet can, in this situation, help I think. But my story is locked too deep inside me to let out. No, that's not right. The rational, objective story is easy, and doesn't involve the level of trauma that yours does. I just can't let those emotions out of the box.

Quite true. Up until now, Mrs Hornet is the only one who ever knew about my own struggle with it and even then I wouldn't tell her half of what was going on my head.
 

Baldric

Jim Clark (26)
I am amazed how many of the people who I "know" on this site have also suffered from depression.
I have been through this and it does get better.
Look after yourself, cut back on the drinking, dont smoke, excercise regularly and eat well. It is too easy to let these basics slip and that pushes you further down the spiral.
Plus if you do that you will feel better about yourself.
Get professional help and recognise the signs when you are falling back into the depressive state.
To flog a cliche, when I reliased what was wrong I took one day at a time and tried each day to do something positive. It is an enormous effort, but it grows and grows.
 
C

Cave Dweller

Guest
He was such a exciting player. All the best to him in the future. Great to hear Baldric. I always believe inner strength helps one in such things and you sound like one who has lots. All the best
 

Sully

Tim Horan (67)
Staff member
Okay I'm putting my hand up as well. At least 10 years that I'm sure of. I was basically a walking shithole. I never missed an hour of due to it and that was probably a mistake because everyone else suffered because of it. At work and at home. No reason for it. I have a loving family, a challenging well paid job (although not in the same league as some on here) and until I pulled out of it a pretty good social life.
And then one day the final straw broke. My motor bike was stolen. I have had a bike since I was 4 years old. I was still functioning but crying and breaking down between customers only to get myself back together for the next one. I simply couldn't go on like this so went to see my Doctor (finally) and got on some Meds. For about 4 or 5 years.
That gave me the steadiness to get myself together a bit. Eventually I made a decision to lie about how I feel. Not in a big way just small things.
"How ya goin?"
Instead of saying "Struggling" or Alright I 'spose" or "Okay", I said "Great" or "Fantastic"
I forced myself to interact with people on a social level. I forced exercise! I force myself to get involved with my children's surf club. This may have been the smartest thing I did.
Eventually I decided I didn't need the drugs any more. The doctor though it was too early so I went 4 more months and talked to her again. still no good so I googled how to weaned myself off the medication and over a week just stopped. I still see the same doctor but I think she wasn't the right person to treat me for my depression. The first time I stuck my head out the window of the car and abused someone for cutting me off felt fantastic! The real me was back. I still get sad but I know the signs to look for and steer away from real issues.

My advice to anyone who thinks they might be depressed:
  • Talk to someone! Anyone will do.
  • See a doctor. It doesn't have to be your GP if that makes you uncomfortable.
  • Get a referral to someone who deals with this shit all the time. ( I didn't do this and wish I had.)
  • Exercising make a huge difference. Don't know why. Any type will do.
  • Get involved with something when your ready. Community work helps you realise how well off you are.
 

suckerforred

Chilla Wilson (44)
The relative anonymity of the internet can, in this situation, help I think. But my story is locked too deep inside me to let out. No, that's not right. The rational, objective story is easy, and doesn't involve the level of trauma that yours does. I just can't let those emotions out of the box.
Yeah the trick now is to rip yourself away and not spend too much time wading through your thoughts. It can get mucky in there. Lovely grey day and lots of unstructured thinking time. Win.
!

Strangly enough I would recomend writing it down. No one else has to read it, but the activity of writing it down is surely therapeutic. I have made the decision to get my story out to the wider world. Not everybody does. I have found that in the process of writing I have actually thought about what is happening and it appears to have helped. In some cases wading through the thoughts might not be good, but I am believe that at some point you are going to have to wade through those thoughts to deal with them. When you chose to do that is your decision but at some point in time it is going to happen. Good luck when you do.

Quite true. Up until now, Mrs Hornet is the only one who ever knew about my own struggle with it and even then I wouldn't tell her half of what was going on my head.

And I have the greatest respect for Mrs Hornet. From my point of view it can't be easy dealing with a person who is depressed. It is hard enough dealing with it from my side of the fence. I have no idea how helpless she must feel. Would love to hear her story some time. Was talking to a mate on friday (on the drive to the Reds game) and he told me that his wife suffers badly and he struggles to understand. Hopefully now he knows that he can talk to me, adn ask me the bastard questions, if he feels that he can not talk to her. It must be hard.
 

FiveStarStu

Bill McLean (32)
My advice to anyone who thinks they might be depressed:
  • Talk to someone! Anyone will do.
  • See a doctor. It doesn't have to be your GP if that makes you uncomfortable.
  • Get a referral to someone who deals with this shit all the time. ( I didn't do this and wish I had.)
  • Exercising make a huge difference. Don't know why. Any type will do.
  • Get involved with something when your ready. Community work helps you realise how well off you are.


These two I agree with wholeheartedly. Remember that, although outside factors can have an influence, depression is, at its zenith, a medical illness. Treat it as such and a lot of the stigma you associate with it goes away. Be patient with the treatment as it takes time to get the mix that suits your body best. My treatment has changed six times in three years. Eventually though, you will get it right.

For the second one, involve yourself in something you enjoy. It serves as a distraction in the short-term, and as a long-term positive influence that can assist with the medication. It's why I took up playing rugby again - I am shithouse as a player but it was the club atmosphere and the mateship that I missed. It's also why I've been so involved with the Rebels.

I'm not a posterboy of how to conquer depression because I'm nowhere near conquering it. I had it untreated for 5-6 years, and combined for around a decade, and it can't cure in a few years. But, it can be managed. If you manage it correctly, it gives you enough of a break mentally to be able to do the kind of things Sul talked about, bringing more positive influences into your life, which in turn, help you manage the illness, and so on and so forth. You talk about downward cycles, but this is an upward cycle. It's hard as shit to start with, but it's definitely doable.
 

FiveStarStu

Bill McLean (32)
And I have the greatest respect for Mrs Hornet. From my point of view it can't be easy dealing with a person who is depressed. It is hard enough dealing with it from my side of the fence. I have no idea how helpless she must feel. Would love to hear her story some time. Was talking to a mate on friday (on the drive to the Reds game) and he told me that his wife suffers badly and he struggles to understand. Hopefully now he knows that he can talk to me, adn ask me the bastard questions, if he feels that he can not talk to her. It must be hard.

It's incredibly hard for other people. I've lost friends because of it. I'm sure it was awful for my parents.

What it does do is make you really appreciate the relationships you have with the people who stick it out.
 

The_Brown_Hornet

John Eales (66)
And I have the greatest respect for Mrs Hornet. From my point of view it can't be easy dealing with a person who is depressed. It is hard enough dealing with it from my side of the fence. I have no idea how helpless she must feel. Would love to hear her story some time. Was talking to a mate on friday (on the drive to the Reds game) and he told me that his wife suffers badly and he struggles to understand. Hopefully now he knows that he can talk to me, adn ask me the bastard questions, if he feels that he can not talk to her. It must be hard.

It was hard on her and I tried to shield her from a lot of it. Fortunately we both came out the other side intact.

Sully's point about getting involved in something is well made. Having something to shoot for or a goal/activity of some sort is key for mine.
 

Sully

Tim Horan (67)
Staff member
I wrote poetry when I was at my worst. When I was feeling better I made then in to a book and freaked my friends out with them.
 

rugbyskier

Ted Thorn (20)
I didn't want to contribute when this first came up but I want to now.

Five years ago my father's wife became ill and the doctors thought it was chronic fatigue. They didn't consider depression until she made a serious attempt on her life. My father found her just in time and she was in intensive care for a few days. What we then discovered was that the ACT health system was totally inadequate in dealing with someone with severe depression and they basically told my father to look after her by himself.

He tried to look after her and protect her from self harm for three months but he couldn't stop her from making a second attempt. She took her car and drove away and he called me. I had a feeling that I knew where she had gone and found her car at a local reservoir. I called the police and went looking for her, finding her body in the water.

I then went through a few months of darkness with the post traumatic stress and I know that the black dog is almost a physical manifestation. I was fortunate that I was able to pull myself out of the situation and my weekend work in the mountains was the salve I needed. Recounting what happened no longer is a horror but five years on I still get a small knot in my chestwhen I think about it.

There needs to be more resources in the health system for the treatment of severe cases of depression as noone should have to go through what my stepmother went through and what my father and I had to deal with, as the consequences of the lack of action and support.
 

Nusadan

Chilla Wilson (44)
Feel for you, rugbyskier, to find someone close to you found like that...and kudos to all of you having the courage to tell their stories/thoughts here...
 

suckerforred

Chilla Wilson (44)
OK. I'm off to a funeral today and trying desperately not to punch some of my family.

I have a favour to ask. Think of someone you haven't heard from for a while and give them a ring. Just check that they are alright, see if they want a coffee. Yep, quite a few people might think you are all a bit strange, but if one person feels better then isn't it worth it?

If you are feeling like crap.... then give someone a call and go and have a coffee with them. You don't have to tell them anything. Just go and have a chat about rugby, fishing, the weather, or puppies. Not politics that will just make you feel worse.
 

Gagger

Nick Farr-Jones (63)
Staff member
All - an excellent book just published outlining one man's dealing with depression which along the way explores the causal theories and treatments etc

Underneath the Lemon Tree: A Memoir of Depression and Recovery

It's also a cracking read - funny and moving


Disclaimer: I went on holiday with him last week
 
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