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Coronavirus Self-Isolation Projects

Discussion in 'Everything Else' started by Dismal Pillock, Mar 14, 2020.


no more sport, how will you cope?

become raging alkie 3 vote(s) 23.1%
become raging drug addict 3 vote(s) 23.1%
all of the above 2 vote(s) 15.4%
try some DIY around the house and accidentally smash the place to fucken pieces 3 vote(s) 23.1%
get hopelessly hooked on the daytime soapies 2 vote(s) 15.4%
better myself by learning a sixth language 1 vote(s) 7.7%
get fired from my fucken job and go live in the fucken park 5 vote(s) 38.5%
become one of the many lost to Soup Rugby altogether 2 vote(s) 15.4%
go live at Pfitzy's place 7 vote(s) 53.8%
wait for Cyclo to tell me what to do 8 vote(s) 61.5%
Multiple votes are allowed.
  1. Teh Other Dave Trevor Allan (34)

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    Nah, just the mention of a urologist's toolkit. I've been actively ignoring the degloving. Until now.
    cyclopath likes this.
  2. tragic Trevor Allan (34)

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    Is that you dismal?

    Troy, Dismal Pillock and COX'S ROUTE like this.
  3. Dismal Pillock John Hipwell (52)

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    haha. love the ankle support. for peak athletic performance.
    cyclopath likes this.
  4. The Grey Man Stan Wickham (3)

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    No sport. Need conversation cards to talk to the wife.

  5. Dismal Pillock John Hipwell (52)

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    Welcome to Gunston
    Coronavirus CDC Unit.

    We are here to answer all your FAQ questions.

    We are here to save your fucken life.

    $10 a question.
    Payment in advance.

    Still waiting wanker.

    Righto, funds transferred, you may now read the FAQ below to save your fucken life.

    Frequently Asked Questions

    What is a novel coronavirus?

    Probably some book or shit. Fucked if I know.

    Why is the disease being called coronavirus disease 2019, COVID-19?

    Well, what do you want to call it you fussy dickhead? Fucken Operation Certain Death? Disney Tits On Ice? Fucken Ballsack Batcock 666?

    Why might someone blame or avoid individuals and groups because of COVID-19?

    Cos some Chinese wankers still stuck in the fucken medieval Dong Dynasty days thought pangolin semen soup might give them a bit of a fucken stiffy for 8 seconds. That's fucken why.

    How can people help stop stigma related to COVID-19?

    Buy ALL their pangolin bumfucking a bat t-shirts from China. Good for their economy!

    What is the source of the virus?

    I'm no Michelin chef but putting sauce on pangolin semen soup seems a bit fucken redundant to me.

    How does the virus spread?

    Fuck knows. Maybe like vegemite?

    Can someone who has had COVID-19 spread the illness to others?

    Why, you fucken got it? You bat-fucking nutjob. Stay the fuck away from me.

    Can someone who has been quarantined for COVID-19 spread the illness to others?

    What the fuck is "COVID-19"? Is that the new Corona virus? Great. Just fucken great. Now there's two of the fucken things.

    Can the virus that causes COVID-19 be spread through food, including refrigerated or frozen food?

    You got any pies in there? Fuck I'm hungry.

    What is community spread?

    It's wehn you share your vegemite with other bastards

    Am I at risk for COVID-19 in the United States?

    Oh, fuck no. Hollywood = happy ending.

    Has anyone in the United States gotten infected?

    Infected with what?

    Am I at risk for COVID-19 from a package or products shipping from China?

    You got any of that pangolin semen soup? I heard its good for erectile dysfunction. It's for my friend.

    Should I be tested for COVID-19?

    Shit no. You're a lost cause.

    Can a person test negative and later test positive for COVID-19?

    Why, did you fucken cheat the first time? Lives are at stake here you cheating fucken lunatic.

    Am I at risk if I go to a funeral or visitation service for someone who died of COVID-19?

    Make sure you don't cum inside the corpse or you'll get Corona AIDS.

    Am I at risk if I touch someone who died of COVID-19 after they have passed away?

    If by "touch" you mean "root" then the answer is no. I mean, yes.

    What do Funeral Home Workers need to know about handling decedents who had COVID-19?

    Don't cum inside their arses. Finish up on the chest.

    My family member died from COVID-19 while overseas. What are the requirements for returning the body to the United States?

    What is CDC doing about COVID-19?

    What's it to you? Nosey fucker.

    Can I travel to the United States with dogs or import dogs into the United States during the COVID-19 outbreak?

    Why, you making some dog-rooting vids? I want in.

    Righto, that's all the FAQ you need.

    Good luck you wheezing, sneezing, gasping deathbags.

    We'll be seeing you soon.

    zer0, Pfitzy and cyclopath like this.
  6. Tex Ken Catchpole (46)

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    My contract ends in May so my COVID-19 project is going to involve packing my worldly belongings into a bag, hanging it off a long pole and tramping around the country with the other unemployed, singing for meals and sleeping under bridges.
    Dismal Pillock and Pfitzy like this.
  7. Pfitzy Tim Horan (67)

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    This, but with a Rebels jersey

    Dismal Pillock likes this.
  8. Dismal Pillock John Hipwell (52)

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    wft is a "Rebels jersey". l0l. no such thing.

    start a commune in the outback Tex. Land must be cheap out there. I'll join. Like Mad Max but a bit more peaceful. put me in charge of sunscreen operations #semen_and_mayonnaise
  9. Tex Ken Catchpole (46)

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    In my mind Dismal you are the character of the alcoholic doctor in Wake In Fright.


    Dismal Pillock likes this.
  10. Tex Ken Catchpole (46)

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    Mate that is literally what Rebels fans are buckling in for once this major vomit of an experience recedes. Humping our swags up the Hume Highway to sit at the gates of that concrete cavern they use for rugby in Canberra, begging chips and stray dimmies from the surviving Brumbies fans.
    Pfitzy and Dismal Pillock like this.
  11. Dismal Pillock John Hipwell (52)

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    Pissed off I am all caught up with "The Handmaid's Tale". It would have been the perfectly morbid accompaniment to quarantined pandemia. Fuck yeah Aunt Lydia, ratchet up the impenetrable bleakness to disorienting and giddying levels of pitch black, Blessed Be The Bat Cock, let's double down on these inescapable end times, I want you to hurt me, you evil mad slag.
  12. Dismal Pillock John Hipwell (52)

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    Guys, incredible news.

    The list is finished.

    Call it The Definitive Top 500 400 Best Alltime LP's

    Before i post it, time for a spot quiz; there are 16 aussie albums in the list. Whoever can guess the nearest to all 16 wins a mystery prize.

    There are also 17 NZ albums for the Real Experts but that7s probably more of a... Shelbyville thing...
  13. cyclopath Phil Waugh (73)

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    Playing for a mystery prize from Dismal? I cannot even begin to imagine what could go wrong.
  14. Dismal Pillock John Hipwell (52)

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    Don't worry, it won't be the wife's old soiled gruds.

    She's got none left, I sold the lot on ebay.
  15. Teh Other Dave Trevor Allan (34)

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    Jesus I never realised Russell Crowe's band had that many albums.
    cyclopath likes this.
  16. cyclopath Phil Waugh (73)

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    At least one has to Mark Holden.
    Teh Other Dave likes this.
  17. Sully John Eales (66)

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    Computer Games - Misex.

    Some shit from Dave Dobbins.
    Teh Other Dave likes this.
  18. Teh Other Dave Trevor Allan (34)

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    Mark Williams - Show No Mercy.

    Maybe Pillock's list is actually just the playlist from Wide World of Sports

    cyclopath likes this.
  19. Dismal Pillock John Hipwell (52)

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    57 Nick Cave - No More Shall We Part
    72 Nick Cave - The Boatman's Call
    94 Nick Cave - Murder Ballads
    118 Midnight Oil - 10, 9, 8
    130 Midnight Oil - Red Sails In The Sunset
    132 feedtime - s/t
    144 Nick Cave - Dig, Lazarus, Dig
    177 Eddy Current Suppression Ring - s/t
    210 AC/DC - Let There Be Rock
    217 Nick Cave - Abattoir Blues
    252 Ed Kuepper - Honey's Steel Gold
    259 Eddy Current Suppression Ring - Primary Colours
    342 Ed Kuepper - Electrical Storm
    352 AC/DC-Back in Black
    364 Ed Kuepper - Everybody's Got To
    387 King Snake Roost - Things That Play Themselves
    391 UV Race - Homo
    423 The Saints -Eternally Yours
    424 The Saints - I'm Stranded
    427 The Birthday party - Junkyard
  20. Tex Ken Catchpole (46)

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    My project is noble. It's not gardening or home improvement, nor learning a language or mastering yoga or meditation.

    It's finishing Zelda: Breath of the Wild, which I'd argue is as big a feat as learning Finnish.

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