Not being one of the lycra-clad brigade myself, I have a query which those of you who enjoy shaving your legs may be able to assist with. I live in one of Sydney's "leafy" suburbs (ie, the drains clog with leaves during every heavy rain) which becomes infested with weekend warriors in their Tour de France kit straining to contain middle age spreads. A couple of Saturdays ago, I observed a blow-in from another suburb, in a fetching lycra ensemble, set up his bike and before setting off, he urinated in the middle of the footpath (he didn't even take the measley four steps to shelter behind the large tree) exposing his cycling 'kit' to any passerbys. My question is which of the following responses is the appropriate one: (a) glare at him anonymously and write a pissy post on a web forum (b) invite him to use the lemon tree next time as urine assists the soil balance for citrus trees (c) whack him on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper then rub his nose in the puddle, all the while shouting "bad boy, naughty!" (d) beat him to death with his own bike pump Other suggestions are welcome.