Discussion in 'Everything Else' started by Gagger, Aug 20, 2013.
couple from the archives..
National Emergency declared:
"Wallabies are reaching plague levels in the Rotorua lakes region, and have spread into the Waikato for the first time.
"They're also dangerously close to the native forests in Te Urewera and the Kaimai Range.
"In South Canterbury, they're starting to spread from their 900,000 hectare containment area.
"They've also been spotted in Auckland, Northland, Hawke's Bay, Gisborne, Wellington, Marlborough, Southland, and the West Coast."
Nek minnit they be overrunning Eden Park!
Something must be done!
What the fuck is a "wallaby"?
^ just another of those "I'm cute, pick me up" critters that piss & shite all over you when you pick the little cnuts up, then run off & have a good laff about it with all the other little cnuts after you've dropped them in disgust at having been pissed & shat all over.
We can't beat you bastards in the Bledisloe so we revert to bioterrorism
NZ Arts Community Full of Praise For Spark Rugby World Cup Coverage
The New Zealand arts community have spoken out in unanimous praise of fledgling sports broadcaster Spark's Rugby World Cup coverage.
"I feel the vivacious random colourisation added a certain vibrancy to what can only otherwise be described as a painfully dull experience" confided one artist.
The Spark TV rugby streaming experience.
"The colours, oh the colours, just fabulous, I muted the sound and put a Grateful Dead record on" said another artist. "It was like being at Woodstock."
"The pastel slabs of distortion had a delectably vibrant feel about them, a neon Monet, a Picasso at dawn" said another artist. "If this is the new direction of rugby then perhaps there is hope for the country after all."
Anton’s Restaurant Capitalises On Climate Crisis–AP Press–
World-renowned restaurant “Anton’s” have announced they are going to pounce on the climate change catastrophe as a “business opportunity” and proceed to procure animals from the rapidly-thawing arctic circle for their kitchen as these endangered animals no longer have a surplus of snow and ice in which to hide.“We’ll find you, you fat freezing little fucking shitheads.”–Anton.https://antonsrestaurant.wixsite.com/animalsThe Michelin 5-star eatery has long been at the forefont of cutting-edge cuisine with an international menu boasting exotic delicacies such as Flambed Vietnamese Goat Cock Kebab and Exploded Welsh Porcupine Nutsack Soup.“Are you fucken laughing at me you little albino shit? Or is that a frozen cry for help? Either way, #seal_stew.”“You can’t just sit out there forever you fat useless blimp. So just swim the fuck over here and get in the fucking pot.”“I don’t even know what the hell you are, fuzzy little wanker, who cares, in the fucken pot you go.”Related Articles: https://antonsrestaurant.wixsite.com/animals
“Where the fuck is Jeff?” – Pope John Paul III.
–Vatican Weekly–Pope John Paul III has reportedly alarmed religious figures by today being overheard at a Vatican luncheon mumbling “where the fuck is Jeff?” in reference to recently deceased financier Mr Jeffrey Epstein.“Fucking hell, I invited the randy dickhead here for lunch and the tosser doesnt even fucken show up.”–His Holiness Pope John Paul III.The Pope, apparently unaware of Mr Epstein’s recent passing, went on to murmur “damnit, where’s Jeff when I need him, my blue blooded wanger has got the blue balls something real fucken bad here. I need to get my cassocked cock back on the Lolita Express and back to Kiddiefuck Island for a fix of altar boys and vestibule virgins. Shit man, does this cashed-up pedo kingpin ever fucking return calls?”“Didnt you hear me shithead, I said WHERE THE FUUUUUUUUUCK IS JEFFRRREEYYYYYYYY?”
Fitting he proposed in a restaurant.
Judging by his girth he must've been logging a lot of time in Anton's.
Related Articles: https://antonsrestaurant.wixsite.com/animals
Local Terrorist Thinks About Pissing Into The Ganges River.–Bhopal Times–A local Islamic terrorist is said to be contemplating taking a piss into the Ganges River. The river is holy to Hindus, a people who are in turn the sworn enemies of Islamic followers.The terrorist, seen here in deep contemplation as to whether or not to piss into the filthy, filthy crocodiled Ganges River which is located just in front of him. “I have lost my edge” said the terrorist. “Lost confidence in my abilities as a terrorist. Cousin Abdul says small steps are required to get back onto the bike, as it were. I have still not ever killed an infidel, not even once. I once stared at one with a very, very stern expression on my face but that’s as far as I’ve got. And yet I hate them so much. I see images in my dreams of the first infidel I will kill and when I awaken I draw pictures of this despicable individual.”One of the crude drawings by the terrorist depicting the likeness of his first infidel kill:“Taking a piss into this river would surely unleash the currently dormant terrorist DNA that lies within me and before you know it I would be suicide bombing kindergartens and gleefully piloting runaway Jumbo Jets into orphanages and all that ace stuff that Cousin Abdul does on the weekends.”The terrorist at night, still thinking about pissing into the Ganges River but not quite having made his mind up one way or the other just yet.
Meanwhile, one of his kidneys has exploded while he thinks about it. Shame, as his other one is to be harvested for the glorious cause. He'll see his 72 virgins as he dies thinking what could have been...
I don't understand why Frank Black is a target
Thanx 4 quoting my post cyclo. It looks better in yellow, like archival holy parchment scriptures or some shit. I ain't saying I am The Word of God or anything jumped up like that though. Just a regular divine deity.
Unpopular Opinion: Bossanova was the best Pixies album.
have long thought it wen:
2 Surfer Rosa
3 then Bossanova.
although #3 has always been my #1 right from when it came out
I'm not very good with High Fidelity lists. Though I do call my exes. I feel like Bossanova has somehow aged even better than the others, despite its sound being closer to traditional surf music and 90s post-punk.
The Handmaid’s Tale Sweeps Comedy Awards
–USA Today–The light heartfelt romantic comedy “The Handmaid’s Tale” has made a clean sweep of all the light comedy awards at the Golden Globes TV Awards Ceremony.“LOL.”Following are the full list of awards the groundbreaking comedy won along with annotated comments from lead judge Mr Harvey Weinstein;Best Public Hanging Scene in a Light Cosplay Period Comedy.“Was totally whacking it to this scene.”Best Institutionalised Denigration of All The Homosexuals in a Light Comedy TV Series.“Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate the fags but if it’s for art it’s ok.”Best Use of Canned Laughter in a Light Family TV Comedy.“It really set the mood for the lengthy periods of solitary confinement.”Best Performance by a Cosplay Rapist in a Light Comedy TV Series.“I felt so real, like I was right there next in line.”Best Use of Casual Misogyny in a Cosplay Comedy TV Series.“It’s not easy to make hating women so seamlessly effortless but they really nailed it here. Haha, ‘nailed””Best Emotional Manipulation Of A Slut in a Light Comedy TV Series.“A masterclass in mindfuckery. Easy choice in this category this year.”Best #Metoo Manfuck by The Patriachy in a Light Comedy Talk Show.“Confession time; this wholesome heartfelt light comedy family drama gave me such a stiffy that I invented this whole motherfucken category just for this year #blow_me.”Best Patriachal Realisation of Latent Utopian Mindfuck Fantasies in a Light Comedy Period Drama.“They’ve realised a fantastic vision for the future of humanity.”Best Performance by A Ho Who Was Probably Asking For It Anyway In A Light Comedy Cosplay Drama.“Location; Fap City Limits. Population; Me.”Best Unrelenting Misogynistic Cruelty Towards Sluts in a Light Cosplay Comedy. “It just never let up! I love how they doubled down on the fun.”Best Final Solution for The Womenfolk in a Light Comedy TV Series.“I wish all the light comedy dramas had such a clear vision of the future.”Best Archival SpankBank Potential in All of Television.“This will be the gift that keeps on giving down the years, wanking-wise.”
oh dear, user @Kiap up to no good again...Local Man Storms Out of Modelling Agency.–Reuters—A local man has stormed out of a male modelling agency in Paris, France. A spokesman for the agency reports the man was quite unhappy due to “artistic differences”.“Blue Steel? This is fucking Blue Steel.”The local man had apparently flown all the way from Japan in the hopes of fulfilling his lifelong ambition of becoming a male model. In Japan he says he “drove taxi”. The man reportedly booked an appointment at the Paris agency by describing himself over the phone as “corrosively handsome”.“Eye is self-censorship. To prevent women worldwide meltdown from blue steel gash corrosion. Picture below is My Resume:“I am face of Japan.”
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