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Discussion in 'Everything Else' started by Dismal Pillock, Mar 26, 2014.

  1. Dismal Pillock John Thornett (49)

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    misspelled root
  2. cyclopath Phil Waugh (73)

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    Sorry, meant "Any comfortable ute" so relax, here comes Trev! Won't hurt a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!
    Dismal Pillock likes this.
  3. yourmatesam Dick Tooth (41)

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    Kidney Jing is my favourite new word.
    cyclopath likes this.
  4. cyclopath Phil Waugh (73)

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    I deal in Kidney Jing on a daily basis, so I'm looking to Moisten the Triple Burner.
    Dismal Pillock and yourmatesam like this.
  5. yourmatesam Dick Tooth (41)

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    That makes me feel a damp heat in the lower Jiao. Should I consult with Gunston Medical for further advice?
    Dismal Pillock likes this.
  6. cyclopath Phil Waugh (73)

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    Ahem, Dismaaaaal? Clean-up, aisle 2.
    yourmatesam and Dismal Pillock like this.
  7. Dismal Pillock John Thornett (49)

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    Jiao up the ying yang, happens all the time.
    yourmatesam and cyclopath like this.
  8. Dismal Pillock John Thornett (49)

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    Thought last nights database update would unveil a brave new dawn here today. No such luck.

    As for future bollox photo essays in fact I reckon instead of subjecting myself to the exasperation of screeds of failed HTML coding attempts it would be QUICKER to just hook up a 3 minute freebie auxiliary forum, type the nonsene out there, and then post a link here. FFS.
    yourmatesam likes this.
  9. Dismal Pillock John Thornett (49)

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    absolute piece of piss. http://greenandgoldrugby.boards.net/ Now I just need to think up some stupid bollox photo essays to dump there.. some client testimonials for CYCLOHEALTH might be the go..
    Teh Other Dave and yourmatesam like this.
  10. cyclopath Phil Waugh (73)

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    Busy colour scheme. Never catch on.
  11. Sully John Eales (66)

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    I think we have a copyright infringement.
  12. Dismal Pillock John Thornett (49)

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    OH CRAP! didnt think of that. although it was only ever intended as an unloading dock for freeze-dried palettes of stupid since this site has now been reduced to a pixellated bums cat flap which nothing f**king fits in any more. Will jettison once Agger's lawyers chopper rotors smash my Pitcairns hut to smithereens again.

    lets face it. This message board, like all the others, has ONE function; fostering communication. Yet with its recent travails, now capped off with "tapatalk" being removed, it seems to be going the other way, that being blunderbussing communication in the general direction of its face, ballsack, neck, shins & groinmeat.
    Sully, yourmatesam and cyclopath like this.
  13. Sully John Eales (66)

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    patience mate. It's nearly back.
    yourmatesam and cyclopath like this.
  14. cyclopath Phil Waugh (73)

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    Dismal, release your creative juices once more.
    Oh God, I said juices.
    yourmatesam likes this.
  15. Dismal Pillock John Thornett (49)

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  16. cyclopath Phil Waugh (73)

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    I blame myself, really.
    Dismal Pillock likes this.
  17. Dismal Pillock John Thornett (49)

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    Gordon Gunston's Guide To A Happy Marriage.
    Hello.

    My name is Gordon Gunston.

    [IMG]

    Welcome to...

    My Guide To A Happy Marriage.

    First things first.

    You are going to need to kill your fucking wife.

    There is no such thing as a happy marriage. That's a rookie error, my friend. Stupid newbies persist with that bullshit, hoping that things will get better over time. They never do. Cut your losses and cut that bitch until death does she part.

    For a Wife Killing starters kit you could pop into my nephew Gene's new shop in Wollongong.

    The boy has all the shit you need.

    [IMG]







    It's also open at night:

    [IMG]



    PRO TIP: Slip Gene a few extra bucks and ask if you can see “The Rig” out the back.

    “The Rig” is actually Gene-o’s homemade wife-killing machine.

    He calls it the “Daewoo Decapitator2000”;

    The controls are a bit iffy and sometimes it takes quite a while for the subject to actually die but still, what do you care, it's not you who's facing certain death here.

    [IMG]
    "Fucking stupid "massage" setting, who built this shit?"


    Or, if you're particularly flush with cash, you could call in the Gunston Surgical team.

    For a VERY low price they will schedule the wife for some "routine" surgery then just simply whack a big hole in the barking-mad slag and let all her blood fall out. Then she dies. Seven degrees of separation, mine's a bacon sammie.

    [IMG]
    "Wayne, do you know how to play ANYTHING besides the theme from the fucken Exorcist?"

    Down the hospital laundry shute the dead wife's corpse goes where, by cloak of darkness, my nephew Trevor and his custom-appointed white ute will be waiting to whisk her cadaver away to be unceremoniously biffed into the Phil Kearns Geyser of Eternal Tears.

    The corrosively caustic properties of Phil's tears will ENSURE total cadaver dissolvement within seconds.


    [IMG]



    [IMG]

    As Phil's tears wend their way to the crocodiled creeks of Wollongong, as does the blood of life flow back to your brain, as does the blood of wife flow down, straight down, into hell.

    Now you are free!

    In the clear!

    Free to fuck around with your stupid hobbies for the rest of your days without having to "WORK" at all that boring, stressful, time-consuming happy marriage bollocks.

    [IMG]
    "I call this piece "Ode To Phil Kearns Tears And The Baptism Of Death."







    Now you can piss about on the internet at YOUR leisure.

    [IMG]
    "Momoka, I have some good news..."

    You can now dick around to your hearts content down at the local arcade, having a laugh with your shithead friends, the same ones that the wife always hated.

    [IMG]
    "This fucking thing is accurate, right to the decimal place!


    Fuck it, you could form a rock music band with your new surgeon pals!

    [IMG]
    "Let's play an Exorcist Theme medley."

    This concludes my My Guide To A Happy Marriage.

    "Til Death Does She Part."

    [IMG]
  18. Braveheart81 Rocky Elsom (76)

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    Thanks to all who got the forum working again.
  19. cyclopath Phil Waugh (73)

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    And they guy above doing his best to get it NSA black-listed!
    mst likes this.
  20. Dismal Pillock John Thornett (49)

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    That is no way to talk about Mr Braveheart81.
    cyclopath likes this.

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