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Inside the Green and Gold Rugby Network

Discussion in 'Everything Else' started by Dismal Pillock, Mar 26, 2014.

  1. Tex Ken Catchpole (46)

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    dismal this is some deep state niche content
  2. Dismal Pillock Peter Sullivan (51)

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    can somone dumb this down for me?
  3. cyclopath Phil Waugh (73)

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    soo-deep-bruh.jpg
    Dismal Pillock likes this.
  4. Dismal Pillock Peter Sullivan (51)

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    [IMG]



    [IMG]


    $1.99 O.N.O
    cyclopath likes this.
  5. zer0 Nicholas Shehadie (39)

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    Don't know exactly where to post it, but this thread detailing the back-end operation of GaGR seems best. Or the least inconvenient to the majority of sound minded members. Whichever. Anyway. I wasn't aware that Gunston Industries had moved into commercial webdesign...

    https://yvettesbridalformal.p1r8.net/

    https://www.lingscars.com/

    Note, sound is required for the full experience of the former.
    Dismal Pillock likes this.
  6. Dismal Pillock Peter Sullivan (51)

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    10 Easy Tips For A Happy Life.

    Gidday, psychos.

    Dr Wayne Gunston here, your friendly neighbourhood happiness counselor.

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    Not a fucken pedo.

    Now then, down to fuckin' business. Are you happy? No? Didn't think so. Miserable looking nutjob like you.

    Here are my 10 Easy Tips For A Happy Life.

    1. Murder Someone.

    Murdering someone has been proven to provide a 35% boost of polyphenol ions via the human preraptor cortex. It is easy to murder someone. Just go outside and bash some fucken pricks skull in. Instant happiness! Get onto it. The recent world population explosion has resulted in an increase in people worldwide so it should be pretty fucken easy



    2. Get a tattoo.

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    "Haha, it's like a design on a t-shirt that I don't like anymore except I can never take it off! Hahaha!"

    Every monobrained lemming on the planet has one of these fucking tattoo things. As humans, we are biometrically compelled to assert our uniqueness by being like every other fucking doofus on the planet. It's called "fitting in", dumbarse. Do you want to fit in with humanity and be happy or fucking not? Well, you clicked on this fuckheaded article so there's your fucken answer. So hurry up and get a montage of dog dicks tattooed all over your fucken neck and GET FUCKING HAPPY.



    3. Sit In Silence.

    No prick likes it when you talk. That's why you're so sad all the fucken time, cos' you keep talking and making other fuckers around you sad with your colossal great negative whinging. So shut up forever and be happy. Dipshit.



    4. Eat Healthily.

    Eat fruits and vegetables. They will make you happy. Actually, they will make your body happy, meanwhile your brain has a big fucken cry and silently screams for chips and kit-kats. This is known in the Science world as a Body Versus Brain Versus Cock Bermuda Triangle Paradigm. Make the right decision and wank off a cucumber.



    5. Make Other People Happy.

    See entry #3.




    6. Wank Your Way To Happiness.

    Tourniquet the turnstile then bash that bishop into oblivion. It's the Wankolympics and you are Carl Lewis on cockoids.

    Yes, every day should be a goddamn decathlon of dick. Specifically, yours. Extradite that plaintiff halfway to fucken Fantasy Island and back. How can you hear wee Tattoo giddily yelling "de plane, de plane!" and not think of the wee man whacking his dwarf todger with giddy abandon over the edge of that Bell Tower? HOW?



    7. Eat Biscuits.

    Biscuits have been scientifically proven to boost polypropylene intake brain manifold receptors by up to 35%. "But aren't biscuits bad for my fat bastard body?" I hear you ask. Look, do you want to be fucking happy or not? Biscuits light up your tiny fucking brain's pleasure receptors. That's Brain Science 101. Is your brain even connected to your stupid body? Or are you some sort of distended Walt Disney cryogenic experiment or something? Splash Mountain all over your mum's birth hatch.




    8. Life Is Long.

    Derive happiness from the fact that human lives can go on and on for years and years and fucking YEARS. Just think, 5 years from now you might still be alive. If that doesn't make you happy then your life must be shit.

    In Executive Summary, a happy life is a lifelong commitment to happiness.

    Fuck I'm good. That'll be $50 bucks, thanks wanker.





    9. Have Teeth.

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    Most people have teeth.

    At least, a few teeth.

    These weird, white, hard, boney tooth thingies can be useful at times. If you show them to other people, those very same people might even think you are happy. God knows how that works. It's like some voodoo shit or something.





    10. Do All Of The Above Simultaneously To Reach Peak Happiness.

    It is a scientific fact that multi-tasking makes us happy. Therefore, to reach peak happiness, you need to silently wank off Tattoo while also wanking off a cucumber, while also eating a biscuit and simultaneously murdering someone all at the same time.

    Hurry up glumpants, do you want to be fucken happy or not?


    Righto.

    -Wayne.

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  7. cyclopath Phil Waugh (73)

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    1. Not yet.
    2. Yes
    3. Yes
    4. Yes
    5. Mostly no
    6. God yes
    7. Not anymore - fucken evil gluten
    8. It was at the start, now in the back straight
    9. Do yellow ones count?
    10. Not enough hands.
    Dismal Pillock likes this.
  8. The_Brown_Hornet Michael Lynagh (62)

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    Fuck me, Cyclo is that really you?
  9. Dismal Pillock Peter Sullivan (51)

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    [IMG]
    yourmatesam and cyclopath like this.
  10. Dismal Pillock Peter Sullivan (51)

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    *came dead-last in GAGR 2014 stand-up haiku challenge

    *deep fries own nits

    *consistently misspells "vermilion"

    *toblerone-faced raisin toucher

    *Last Edit: Today at 05:57:02 PM by Admin» so sick of this fuckwit

    *once googled "Rape Training School"

    *thinks "perineum" might be a type of disinfectant

    *will gargle nuts for more nuts

    *mental status: bespoke bipolar
    oztimmay, cyclopath and Pfitzy like this.
  11. Dismal Pillock Peter Sullivan (51)

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  12. Dismal Pillock Peter Sullivan (51)

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    Hello and Welcome to
    Gunston Stock Photo Retouchers.

    I am Aunty Doris Gunston and I will be taking care of all your internet stock photo retouching needs here on this fine sunny day in downtown suburban Wollongong.

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    My actual photo, not an internet
    stock photo, you fucken drongo.


    Do you have some old internet stock photos that are in desperate need of retouching? Are some of those perfect model families starting to look a bit tired around the edges? The staged smiles of painstakingly happy granddads lilting a bit at the corners? Then you are in the right place, you dickhead!

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    To follow are just a few "before and after" shots of stock photos we have retouched here at Gu NO GENE, for the last fuckign time I WILL NOT be penciling in ANY more comically-oversized dog dicks into your stray dog rooting scrapbook compendium. We are NOT having the fucken SPCA coming around here again I am so sorry about that, now, where was I, oh yes, some fine examples of work we have done retouching customers treasured internet stock photos:

    Before:

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    After:

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    Yes, that's right we turned the stupid toothy hag at the top into Raylene fucken Gunston! Wayne's fucken wife! Stupid blind Wayne didn't even notice his wife was 78 years old for the first 18 months then he just said fuckit, she'll do.


    Google SPONSOR:

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    Before:

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    What the fuck is this? It doesnt even look real. What camera did they use, a fucken Daewoo MK 00 fucken 1?





    After:

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    Fixed that shit right up. Just look at the resolution now! Another success story for Gunston Stock Photo Retouchers.




    Google SPONSOR:

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    Before:

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    Yeah right. Just milliseconds before Dad snaps and kills the whole fucken lot of them and heads straight to the fucken pub. Let's fix that shit right up.




    After:

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    Way better. Way more realistic. Gunston Stock Photo Retouchers. Fixing photos AND saving lives.


    Google SPONSOR:

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    Before:

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    FFS. What a mess. This affirmative action bollocks photo is literally on its last legs.



    After:


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    A dab here, a splat there and we are back in the real world! With Gunston Stock Photo Retouchers!



    Before:

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    OMG it's just so tired and hackneyed and tired and miserable and tired and flat-out fucken desperate. Please Aunty Doris, you say, please can you please weave your retouching magic and rid this photo of its pleading bum-clasping desperation?

    Sure!

    After:

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    A far more realistic representation of a real workplace.





    Before:

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    After:

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    The more discerning among you, given time, may just be able to spot the retouching that has taken place in Photo 2. Don't be embarrassed if you cannot spot the difference between either photo! You are not a trained professional!

    Righto, if all that doesn't convince you to overhaul your shitty sad collection of internet stock photos then nothing will. Operators are standing by. Their names are Wayne, Gene, and Trevor. Please speak very, VERY slowly on the telephone.



    Good-o.

    -Aunty Doris Gunston.

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  13. cyclopath Phil Waugh (73)

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    Where did you hide the camera on my rounds? See, I thought the Juke-Box effect light was the obvious place, but from the angle I'm thinking bedpan. Glad I wore shades for some incognito time.

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