It’s mate against mate, state against state, hate against hate. Do I need to say it? It’s New South Wales versus Queensland. Waratahs versus the Reds. The match itself is of no consequence, for what we all really love is The Build Up. A week to live for, and to die for. A week to leave behind the cool analysis of the video chalkboard. A week to rise up off the couch, pick up a blunt instrument and start swinging. A week to ride over thine enemies, mowing like grass their fresh-fair virgins and flowering infants. Most of all, it’s a week for some old fat blokes to get their once-a-year call up from the journos. “Who’s gunna win Buddha?” “Who’s gunna win Sam?” “Who’s gunna win Campo?”
At the Green and Gold, it’s all about the fans. So we took to the streets to find a couple of supporters so irrationally driven by their arbitrary place of birth that they had actually started to develop superpowers, like the ability to see all out of just one closed eye, or the willingness to part with money for Reds’ season tickets. After a year-long search, we have found two such men.
Queensland Symphony Orchestra
In the Red Corner: Noddy
And so it begins. The Reds v the Tah’ts. The media tarts. Have you ever seen a more mincing, self-preening, TV-hogging bunch of girls in your life? They’re like Sydney’s own Desperate Housewives. And I’m not even talking about that embarrassing video of the Lukie, Drewie, Mummy and co prancing around in their DTs. I’m talking about how this team of pretenders are more style than substance.
Did you see The Biggest Loser this week? Where that fitness trainer dude described them as “Some of the fittest most amazing athletes in the world!” IN THE WORLD! This is Dan Halangahangagangululu and Ben Mowen we’re talking about here! Since when did appearing on reality TV constitute pre-season training? Whilst the Reds were battering it out in the intense QLD sun, these lads were swanning around on film sets. Well how about this for a dose of reality? You’re a club side Tahs! Look at you. Tom Carter, club player. Daniel H, club player. Cam Jowitt, club player. Nothing more, nothing less. Compare them to the Reds, each and everyone supreme talents with a driving focus – Genia, Ioane, Cooper, Hynes, Horwill, Braid, Higginbottham, Hardman, Daley. Super stars.
So bring it on Tahs. Yes you, who haven’t produced a Wallaby flyhalf since Mark Ella. Yes the Tahs, who couldn’t find a hooker in Kings Cross. Polata-Nau? Freier? Fitzpatrick? Glorified flankers. Yes the Tahs. The men who labelled Jeremy Tilse the Super Prop. Pfft. You make me sick. So bring it on you latte swilling, hair gel abusing, sushi eating, Trent Nathan wearing, Oxford Street shopping, Uni of Sydney attending, BMW driving, social page seeking, glory hunting, pretty boys. Bring it on. To Queensland – where YOUR tax dollar is buying US a better place to live.
Wankers. Reds by 11.
Tard For Life
In the Blue Corner: WaratahJesus
Recently in the Sydney papers Phil Waugh sat down and asked new recruit Berrick Barnes some questions on his move to the greatest city in the world. Phil asked how the culture was different between the teams and Berrick remarked that the NSW lads were all studying and that “on my first day there were six or seven guys mulling around a computer wondering how they were going to get an accounting exam done. That was a change. It’s good.” Perhaps NSW is just ahead of QLD in this area, after all, during the off season the Reds did send Quade out to get a computer so the boys could catch up. Thus begins my 3 reasons the Tahs will win on Saturday night.
1) SMARTS: Ask a Queenslander a general knowledge question and what do you get? if you answered “blank stare” you are correct. Ask Quade to step off his right foot at training what do you get? Half an hour wait while he and five of his team mates sit around labelling his shoes “L” and “R” with a sharpie. The Queensland team has potential, I will admit that, but it is like a lion running around without a brain or a heart, think scarecrow and the gay version of the lion from Wizard of Oz combined. Sure, you’re going to get excitement, wonder and the odd few sing-a-longs, but you’re also going to get 15 blokes confused at which way they’re running.
2) JERSEYS: Red is the colour associated with the Nazi or socialist ethos of the soviet block and Germany, under the colour millions have suffered and DIED! Blue is calming, traditional, and reminds you of beautiful day’s sky. It’s the traditional Wallaby jersey as well before Queensland got involved and ruined it for everyone. I recently took a survey ‘cos that’s something I like to do in my spare time, (I would post the actual forms but I’m not sure where I put them and I’m too busy at the moment anyway), but I surveyed 100 tourists in both Queensland and NSW and found that 187 liked the Waratahs’ colours and look better than the Reds’ look. That’s not just me making up numbers, that’s a survey of tourists, not even locals, can’t argue with that.
3) COACH: The advantage in this area is clear, Queensland have a coach that was deemed not good enough for the Waratahs and not good enough for Gay Paree. Link might be the best coach Queensland have had in years, but unfortunately he has already let his tricks out of the bag, he isn’t a backline coach and he doesn’t have anywhere near the forward strength to work with that he did in NSW. On Saturday night when the whistle blows, NSW will take to the field with direction and a game plan, while Queensland will be a group of schoolboys with a dial up internet connection downloading porn. As they run out the picture will be just above the nipple, as the whistle blows they will all be champing at the bit to get their hands on it, but when they do the excitement will be too much for them to handle. Just hope you’re not near the fence in the second half: if the connection hasn’t been lost you could well cop a spray.
Waratahs by 100 million thousand. Jesus Out.
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Ewan is a far better coach than Hickey.
I’m a Waratah for life.
But, I’m going to have to give it to Noddy based on the fact that he was more ‘mcgilla cutty’ in his attempt.
Typical of the Northshore/Eastern suburbs lad to sit there and analyze the whole thing. Raving on about nothing more than Uni & computers instead of digging in and giving it to the Queenslanders makes real blues like me look weak.
A chap from Paramatta/Broken Hill/Concord/Orange would have basked at the opportunity to script a good paragraph or two on what he thinks of the state named after a queen of another country – 20,000 miles away.
Waratahs by 12+
completely agree
Yes and the name NEW SOUTH WALES refers to nothing 20,000 thousand miles away. completely orginal
Yeah, well. F**k the queen Conor
I would much rather be associated to the old Welshmen from the south? then the English, or her majesty for that matter.
Waratahs by
1216 +Waratards by 3. Will have an edge in the forwards so Red backs won’t get any decent ball.
Now back to my thesis and latte…
Waratahs to get bonus point win and lead table on for and against. Barnes to kick Quade’s sorry arse.
http://www.qru.com.au/library/reds_players/cooper,_quade,67242.html/section/40810
“My pre-game routines/rituals include: Hair cut”
Any team with qc in it shouldn’t talk about others abusing hair gel.
In times of crisis, people often turn to the written word for inspiration and comfort.
Mandella choose the poem Invictus. According to Monty Python, Jesus found solace in the words to “Always look on the bright side of life”.
For me, thinking about this weekend’s showdown, I have taken heart from that great 20th century philosopher, and hair-metal-rock-God, Dee Snider.
With Nostradamus-esque foresight, Snider clearly had the Reds’ feelings about the Tahs in mind when he penned his rock classic “We’re Not Gonna Take It”
I quote:
we’re Not Gonna Take It, No!
no, We Ain’t Gonna Take It
we’re Not Gonna Take It Anymore
just You Try And Make Us
we’re Not Gonna Take It
come On
no, We Ain’t Gonna Take It
you’re All Worthless And Weak
we’re Not Gonna Take It Anymore
now Drop And Give Me Twenty
we’re Not Gonna Take It
oh Crinch Pin
no, We Ain’t Gonna Take It
oh You And Your Uniform
we’re Not Gonna Take It Anymore
It’s been five long years since the Templeton Cup has been home, and in a delicious twist the Snider would appreciate, it was McKenzie who was responsible for its incongruous journey south.
The loss of the Tempelton Cup coincided with the start of the Reds’ darkest hours – it is time for them to come out of the shadows and step into the light.
Crinch Pin?
Crinch pin is Seppo for “you pack of NSW c*nts”
The only reason you can say that losing the Tempelton coincided with the start of the reds darkest hours is for years it was the only game you won, so you wrote it off as “a good year if we beat the tahs”…
One more year boys…
Waratahs by 13
Sorry, after seeing the announced team – Waratahs by 20.
The old adage says that the forwards decide who wins the match, the backs decide by how much. Given that the Reds have some real talent out wide, with Wallaby stars Genia, Cooper, Ioane and Hynes, the Tahs should win by no more than 20.
Tahs with 4 stolen lineout balls, 2 tight heads, 3 field goals, 2 intercepts and 10 tries …
By phucken heaps!!
waratahs win by 113-0
Why do player leave NSW? Because they don’t get their opportunity. Why do players leave Queensland? Don’t know must be a great place to play just ask Hugh, Moore and Barnes.
Tahs to win the forwards battle and then the game
Barnes… I love this guy even more now.
highlight of the game…
Ioane goes for the big tackle on Barnes… Barnes steps and runs at quade who trys to steal the ball but then realise its low street value so gives up. Morgan has a go but is laughed off the field. Barnes finally passes to Mitchell who, after coming off the bench, out runs some guy named will giving him a lecture on recuiting and scores under the post
Tahs to win 10+
Excuse Mr Waratah “Im smart and analyse everything’ Jesus, but i believe 100 Million Thousand is better known as 1 Billion.
Boom,
omg
1:08 am? Go to bed and get some brain sleep!
Conor, the clown who coined that statement happens to be a senator for Queensland. Your Barnaby!
with half of the wallabies from queensland we are the better rugby state unfortunately, we are misrepresented by the reds
reds by 12
(a man can dream)
NSW — 12 penalty goals to 11. Quade sent off for jumping in the air before sidestepping too much. Post game discussion centres on who broke into the lockers in the Qld dressing room and which side is more boring: Italy, The Hickeys or The Links.
I believe the step in which you refer is called the polly hop.
Digby will pummel his way over the advantage line every time he gets the ball, who needs a forward pack? With Hynes’ line breaking ability, Genia’s sniping, Quade’s kicking in play to equal out barnes, and our superior lineout, we will play out a close game.
Barnes wont receive a good ball all night from Burgess, and will get injured before the game is out, Waugh will be in the blood bin for half the game, Baxter will crumple like the Tahman’s air-suit after a game.
Reds by a tough, come from behind 5 points.
Wait… Hynes’ linebreaking ability?? good luck with that…
good point about Burgess, we’ll see if Barnes can catch like Gits…
(snigger). Reds by 15.
The outcome of this game will have a massive impact on whether the Waratahs finish 6th or 7th at the end of the season…
mid table, if the tahs are there what are the force aiming for?