How to beat the All Blacks - Rugby with more risk - Green and Gold Rugby
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How to beat the All Blacks – Rugby with more risk

How to beat the All Blacks – Rugby with more risk

Posted by Bobas. Written by D. Mitchell.
Aside from taking the points early on, the Wallabies kicked high and persisted with overhead lineout throws. Obviously, they didn’t take my last round of harebrain ideas for some lower risk rugby to heart. But their game wasn’t as bad as many people think. While many saw a Wallaby performance that seemed to lack a game plan, I saw left-field tactics disguised as incompetence. They were just playing high risk rugby and unfortunately it didn’t pay off.

And what can you expect playing under two full moons?

Full Moon 20-08-16

Near full moon for Bledisloe One

Michael Hooper gets to grips with Israel Dagg

Completely full moon for Bledisloe One

So if you want to play risky rugby and hope for the big pay off, here are four ways. Two you will recognise from  Saturday night, while the next two are my contributions. Feel free to chime in with your own in the comments.

1. Deliberately kick the ball at opposition players

What was Foley thinking on Saturday night? Easy. A potentially concussed opposition member will need to leave the field for ten minutes disrupting the cohesion of the opposition line. If they don’t make it back on then the opposition is down a sub. Keep on going and eventually you’ll be a few men up.

Obviously the training for low trajectory kicks didn’t pay off as Foley only managed a couple of times to just hit the hands of the opposition—rather than landing the ball on the intended target, the head.

Some more time spent on this critical skill and we’d have been playing the second half against three people.

galanted3

Right idea, but hit the other team!

2. Deliberately give the opposition the ball in lineouts

While the truism goes the other way, the truth is that the best attack is a good defence. People think that Stephen Moore just can’t throw. But the plan was to deliberately gift the ball to the opposition and have well worked defence to either sack the maul, or swamp the unorganised opposition set piece. The first part worked a treat, but obviously need more finesse on the second.

This result would be a net gain for the team throwing in the ball and hopefully cause the opposition to infringe the rules resulting in another penalty. This not only allows the whole process over again, but also with continued use, and therefore infringements, the opposition would soon see a yellow card, doubling down the advantage gained from point 1.

380_DSC_9322_2013_08_17_5102

Since NZ trains specifically to try to catch the ball when we throw it, they’re playing right into our hand.

3. Climb the posts and jump to block conversions

There’s no rule (as far as I can see) that says a defender can’t ascend the goal posts to block a conversion kick. So a couple of players on the cross bar is easy enough for even a club team. But most conversions, since they are taken from such a short distance, easily clear the bar. So a professional team should send a few more shimmying up each pole to leap down and save two points. Personally I’d be hiring a few of our best sailors to assist in training for the vertical pole climb. The high risk of major injury is a pretty small price to pay for a shot at saving two points.

Tom Burton - sailing Genius

surely this guy to teach us how to climb a mast

4. Deliberately miss penalty kicks

I know I said last time that you should consistently take 3 points. But there is a high risk high reward option in deliberately missing your penalty kick. So long as you set your winger across field and aim your place kick for them to catch. I did it all the time in EA Sports Rugby 2001 and the computer never worked it out. It’s just that occasionally it went out. As an added advantage, you can cut back on place kicking practise and spend more time perfecting the kind of kicking required for number 1.

Rugby  2001 place kick

move your aim a lot more to the right

What haven’t I thought of? Let me know in the comments.

  • Paul

    Well clearly the Wallabies realised that they lost versus England who had only 25% possession. They therefore realised this must be the way to win so had to gift the ball back to NZ at every opportunity.

    • David Mitchell

      It’s counter intuitive rugby at its best

    • Pedro

      What went wrong?

      • Unlike England, NZ can actually score tries when you give them the ball, every time unless the referee finds a reason to take it back.

        • Pedro

          Surely it can’t be so simple can it? I reckon go for 50/50 this week, see if that changes anything.

    • Paul

      saying this tongue in cheek…

      • Stoff

        Thanks for clarifying

  • Bobas

    Great article. This is why many regard K.Beale as having ‘x’ factor (see vid)
    https://youtu.be/HtjLWhvZVrY?t=10s

    • David Mitchell

      That’s the move

    • Pedro

      People laughed when they first saw this tactic, they’re still laughing.

      • John Tynan

        I’d clean forgotten about that!

        • David Mitchell

          Cory Jane can’t remember it either.

  • RedsFanDan

    The more tackles you miss the more running the other team has to do. Eventually they’ll be so tired you can romp home in the last 20.

    • David Mitchell

      That’s true, especially if they’re already three players down.

    • mikado

      I think that although tackling clearly has some benefit towards “defending” and “winning the match” it’s impossible to ignore the health and safety issues associated. Last week the Wallaby team clearly showed it was on the right path towards a “zero tackle” policy although some players fell back into old ways, with all-too predictable results. Let’s hope that procedures have been strengthened in a no blame culture. The Wallabies may not “win” the Rugby Championship, or any matches for that matter, but they’ll have all the plaudits for workplace safety and that’s what really matters.

  • Fatflanker

    Sio should definitely dive for the ground every scrum with Poite refereeing tomorrow. Poite sure to realise he was sucked in by Cole and penalise the ABs in retribution.

    • David Mitchell

      yep. definite options at scrum time for counter-measures

      • adastra32

        Yep. definite options for blaming the ref (again). Expect to get spanked again at scrum-time.

        • David Mitchell

          We were foxing last week. All part of a master plan.

        • first time long time

          Maybe you are right, I thought the Eng series was our rope-a-dope

        • adastra32

          Only one dope got roped there – and it wasn’t the men in white…

  • Unanimous

    Does anyone remember ‘the wall’ that the All Blacks tried a few times back in the 1980s? Perhaps the Wallabies could try that again, but perhaps from broken play instead of from a tap penalty.

    • David Mitchell

      I think that teams used this in the 91 world cup.
      Bringing it back in broken play would be the key for high risk. Sure, you might be called offside but the confusion it could cause would scar the other team for life.

  • Unanimous

    What about a one man line out. Is that legal?

    • Unanimous

      No man line out?

      • David Mitchell

        Yeah, I think set this up. The opposition can still put in three, but you just have all your forwards ready to charge in to shut it all down.

        • Unanimous

          I was thinking that having no players from either team in the line out might be the only way to even up the contest, but if the opposition can still have three, then perhaps different tactics are required. Is the lineout thrower allowed to throw the ball into the ground at the line 5 m in from touch?

      • John Tynan

        They tried that last week.

  • Unanimous

    I’ve read that in the 1800s teams would dribble the ball in a pack. They might give that a shot. The ball was more round back then, but surely with a more oval ball it’ll be harder for the opposition to anticipate where it’s going.

    • David Mitchell

      worth a try.
      that is they should get 5 points for confounding the opposition

  • first time long time

    If one bare AB’s arse gets you 40+ points.
    How much is a 15 man bare arse bum rush worth?

    • David Mitchell

      you thinking we should william wallace them? During the haka? Risking a pitch invasion I reckon.

      • first time long time

        Cultural traditions have to start somewhere, that seems as good a time as any

  • mikado

    5. Play the entire team out of position
    Make Folau #2 but play him at 8. Make Sio #12 but play him at 14. Play Foley at #1 just because. Why not? It’ll confuse the hell out of the opposition. We’re no-longer in the mental straightjacket of the old days.. We live in an era where locks don’t need to be any good at jumping, loose forwards don’t need to go near the breakdown, hookers don’t need to either hook or throw accurately, and fly-halves don’t have to kick well. Tear up the old rulebook!

    • Unanimous

      I think you’re onto something here. The problem has been that they’ve only followed this approach in a half-arsed way. I’d like to see Foley, Cooper, and Phipps tried in the front row, and lifting snd jumping in the line out.

    • David Mitchell

      It’s the natural progression of Deans’ approach.

  • Bobas

    ive always thought about growing out your beard and having a shave and shower at half time, you have 8 mins, may as well have the other team come out against a fresh team.

    • Unanimous

      Or put on fake beards at half time.

  • mikado

    6. Don’t pick players with recent good form.
    Instead pick:
    – players who haven’t played 15’s for ages (because the AB’s won’t know what to expect!)
    – players whose recent form is awful (because the law of averages says they have to get better soon!)
    – players who keep getting injured (because that’ll help try out new and untested combinations when they’re subbed!)

  • Patches

    Hare-brained?

    • David Mitchell

      fixed. Though in my defence the mistake has been attested for centuries, and (as you can see from my article) I’m not a fan of conventional wisdom. http://grammarist.com/spelling/harebrained/

      • Patches

        I would have let it slide, but someone with two Booker Prize shortlistings to their name should know the difference. Or are you the Peep Show David Mitchell? Regardless, not good enough…

  • Self-referential tosh. So the Wallabies rejected your suggestions. They never read them. Write to them,not social media.

    • David Mitchell

      Do you work for the Wallabies? Is that how you know that they never read my suggestions? Could you raise this with them, or at least send it up the line?

      • David Mitchell

        Oh man… Just got a phone call from Cheika. My ears are bleeding. He screamed accusations of me bugging the wallaby hotel room and bemoaned the fact that I would post this publicly and let NZ in on their plan. I could tell from the acoustics that he must have already busted every door in the place.
        What did you say!?

    • Willem Labuschagne

      Mate, try to grow a sense of humour.

  • John Tynan

    Sorry to be serious Bobas, but I think there IS a rule about “goaltending” – rushed in (no doubt by The Darkness) after I think Eales (?) was lifted in front of posts and chopped off a low kick

    • Unanimous

      They should withdraw this rule on the grounds that every club in the word can save money due to not needing cross bars on their goal posts. Penalties would be more interesting.

      • Unanimous

        I meant ‘every club in the world’ not ‘word’.

      • David Mitchell

        I see what you’re saying, that would be cool. Allow goal tending for both penalties (no approaching within 10m for penalties though) and conversions. with no cross bar the kicker must make sure the other team don’t hit jump And catch it first.

        • Unanimous

          And kids only have to kick it over other kids.

    • David Mitchell

      As far as I can tell that rule only relates to supporting another player. if you can climb up on your own it should be OK.

    • Bobas

      Don’t shoot the messenger. I thought this too.

      • John Tynan

        DM above points out that climbing up hasn’t specifically been ruled out – you are an innovator after all! No bagging here mate, unless you are Jarryd Hayne level of sensitivity.

      • John Tynan

        Sorry, this is you posting on behalf of Drew’s brother again. NOW I understand.

    • David Mitchell

      Two other points:
      You need to stop it crossing the plane of the posts (i.e. you can’t volley it back through or it will still count).
      Also, complete goal tending rules apply to penalty kicks. You can’t do anything to prevent them going through the sticks.

  • Tip

    HE’S TAKEN OFF LIKE A SUPERCHARGED MOTORBOAT…

  • David Mitchell

    “oh, that’s a huge Gary Owen!”

  • Bob

    He’s digging like a demented mole was a classic from Lomus (much better game too)

  • Pedro

    They’re hitting rucks, like rutting stags.

  • Bobas

    I hope not Bill, that’s a maternity ward

Rugby

Brumbies supporter now living in Melbourne. Rugby and Larkham fan ever since he de beered de Beer. Never shy of controversy because when I say it it's cute.

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