The Ten Commandments of Rugby - Green and Gold Rugby

The Ten Commandments of Rugby

The Ten Commandments of Rugby

Since this is a religious season for many it may be timely to send players a Christmas message.

If they follow these great truths of the sport they will perform with a Holy Spirit in The Game They Play in Heaven, and vanquish their un-Godly opponents more often than not.



The Ten Commandments of rugby


1. Thou shalt use it or lose it – and in rugby also.

2. Thou shalt not pass the ball to a team mate about to be belted by a mighty enemy—unless he owes you money, or has rodgered thy belovéd.

Neither shalt ye call him “wanker”

3. Thou shalt not curse The Whistler; for he is the Giver of My Advantage. Neither shalt ye call him “wanker”; for it was written that those unloved by womankind, or mankind, must cast their seed unaided.

4. Thou shalt not lie down in green pastures but get to thy feet.

Nothing like this to be done in rugby

5. Thou shalt not kiss thy team mate on his mouth though he makes a score. Especially ye shalt not kiss in tongues; for this has My Blessing for the round ball game only.

6. Thou shalt not forbear to ruck and get thy rightful ball; for though it was written that the meek shall inherit the earth, it was a piss-poor translation. My Words were: “The weak shalt be rucked into the dirt.”

Thou shalt not punch

7. Thou shalt not punch thy foe, though he says he had your sister; say only that you pleasured his and she said that you were better.

8. Thou shalt not shun the reading of My Book of Laws; for it will put you in good stead to denounce the sins of thy foes, and help The Whistler to deliver them from evil.

Tight five forwards shalt not drop kick either

Tight five forwards shalt not drop kick either                   Getty Images

9. Thou shalt not chip the ball, nor kick for touch, if ye be a forward of the tight; for it is an abomination unto The Coach, who will have ye running laps at training, everlasting.

10. Thou shalt not vomit on opponents when boozing with them later; for it is unseemly, and they could do it unto you.


Take care when boozing after the game



Some readers may have seen some of these Commandments of Rugby before.

In about the year 2000 I posted the first version of these Commandments in the old “Scrum” and “Super Sportzone” rugby forums. Some people contacted me later and asked me for a copy of the text for rugby functions and the like, because they could not source the original.

So I made a few alterations in the next few years—and at other times people re-posted my original effort in other rugby forums with their own modifications. They were copied and changed also: a variation appeared in the Green & Gold Humour forum not long ago.

I was cleaning out some old document files recently and I came across what I think was my last version. It is posted above.


Best wishes for a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all our readers from everybody at Green & Gold Rugby.


  • RugbyReg

    Brilliant Lee. Have a fantastic holiday break and remember, thou shalt not covet they neighbours’ broadcast rights deal.

  • SuckerForRed

    Merry Christmas Lee. And may all rugby clubs post said commandments in dressing rooms across the country…….

  • mxyzptlk

    *hat tip*

  • Lindommer

    Thank you, Lee. You were mentioned many times on Monday and much missed. Merry Christmas to you and yours.
    A possible 11: May the Rats’ neighbours never covert their colts or women.

  • Great stuff, Lee. Thou hast played it well, sir.

  • Pedro

    Great work Lee, although i was selfishly hoping that Moses was the author.

  • yourmatesam

    Great effort Lee!

  • Marie Gain

    Fab work – have a good Christmas.

  • Nutta

    Here’s to you Lee

  • Patrick

    And shortly to go up in an obscure third-rate French club dressing rooms… doubtlessly to the bemusement of the not-very-english-speaking crowd :)

    Thanks, great stuff.

  • Parker

    Is that Oliver Reed with Garrick Fay in the last photo? Who’s the other “prop”?

    • Julian Manieson

      Stuart Gregory according to the Getty images bit

    • Lee Grant

      Yeah – Reed is in the middle.

      With most Getty Images, just mouse over the photo and the info comes up.

  • RobC

    Thanks Lee. Bookmarked

  • Bay35Pablo

    Thou shalt take the piss verily. For if thy overly respects thy foe he has already won thy game.

  • Nick

    Great piece Lee.


Voted most valuable member of the G&GR Forum since records began - Ed.

More in Humour