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Auckland Blues To Infinity and Beyond

Dismal Pillock

Dismal Pillock

Simon Poidevin (60)
2022 Final: Highly Analytical & Objective Blues Player Rankings

1. Alex Hodgman 0/10. overwhelmed.
2. Kurt Eklund -16/10 WFTT. You FUCKING ARSEHOLE. WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? YOU LITERALLY MAY AS WELL HAVE BEEN PLAYING FOR THE OTHER TEAM YOU FUCKING KNOBHEAD. YOU WERE BASICALLY THE CANTABS 16TH PLAYER AT LINEOUT TIME. Your performance score is -16 out of 10 you spatula-brained liability. Quite the understanding you're developing with Sam Whitelock there. Smart to keep the Blues lineout jumpers on their toes by mixing up your Cantabs targets though. TL/DR FUCK OFF FOREVER THANX CNUT
3. Nepo Laulala 0/10. pea-hearted, pea-brained dogshit.
4. Josh Goodhue 0/10 show me on the dolly where Sam Whitelock touched you.
5. Tom Robinson 0/10 you too buddy. not a locks arsehole
6. Akira Ioane 0/10 was a blockbusting player. In 2018. In 2022 Super Rugby Final, an utter seagull of a passenger
7. Adrian Choat 0/10. overawed and overwhelmed.
8. Hoskins Sotutu 9/10 the ONLY Blue who fronted up at the coalface. Akira should forfeit his match fee to this man ffs

Is there any point even scoring the backs? The capitulated lineout neutered them but even so, aside from Ranga Christie nicking the ball at the cantabs scrum base for his try, not a single Bleus back made a single thing happen in all 80 minutes so 0/10 for all of them may God have mercy on their hollow and disgraced souls.

Reserves:

Dalton Papalii: subbed on, went on a mental run ffs maybe he should have started just for his leadership, Blues pack were completely overawed
Ofa: 0/10. you disinterested fucking numbskull. OMFG. Just give your AB's jersey to a Cantab and fucking go away
 
dru

dru

Tim Horan (67)
I'm not convinced that the line out problem was simply the throw. Whitelock gave a master class in reading what the Blues were doing and got in front of the actual jumper. the first three in the Crusader line out intentionally encroached the gap (did get pinged for it once) squeezing the Hooker away from the Blue line. The lifters were shite and got worse as the Hooker tried to adjust for the aggressive Whitelock by getting the throw higher at the right spot (I think) but the jumper lost his balls and the lifters outfoxed themselves. Confidence collapsed and the line out with it. Won a couple at the end though - bench players on the field maybe?

A right regular master class from Whitelock + child psychology 101 + basic pack gamesmanship.

Wasn't just the pack - the exits were non-existent and the backline and kicker have something to do with that.
 
topgun

topgun

Billy Sheehan (19)
Dismal Pillock said:
2022 Final: Highly Analytical & Objective Blues Player Rankings

1. Alex Hodgman 0/10. overwhelmed.
2. Kurt Eklund -16/10 WFTT. You FUCKING ARSEHOLE. WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? YOU LITERALLY MAY AS WELL HAVE BEEN PLAYING FOR THE OTHER TEAM YOU FUCKING KNOBHEAD. YOU WERE BASICALLY THE CANTABS 16TH PLAYER AT LINEOUT TIME. Your performance score is -16 out of 10 you spatula-brained liability. Quite the understanding you're developing with Sam Whitelock there. Smart to keep the Blues lineout jumpers on their toes by mixing up your Cantabs targets though. TL/DR FUCK OFF FOREVER THANX CNUT
3. Nepo Laulala 0/10. pea-hearted, pea-brained dogshit.
4. Josh Goodhue 0/10 show me on the dolly where Sam Whitelock touched you.
5. Tom Robinson 0/10 you too buddy. not a locks arsehole
6. Akira Ioane 0/10 was a blockbusting player. In 2018. In 2022 Super Rugby Final, an utter seagull of a passenger
7. Adrian Choat 0/10. overawed and overwhelmed.
8. Hoskins Sotutu 9/10 the ONLY Blue who fronted up at the coalface. Akira should forfeit his match fee to this man ffs

Is there any point even scoring the backs? The capitulated lineout neutered them but even so, aside from Ranga Christie nicking the ball at the cantabs scrum base for his try, not a single Bleus back made a single thing happen in all 80 minutes so 0/10 for all of them may God have mercy on their hollow and disgraced souls.

Reserves:

Dalton Papalii: subbed on, went on a mental run ffs maybe he should have started just for his leadership, Blues pack were completely overawed
Ofa: 0/10. you disinterested fucking numbskull. OMFG. Just give your AB's jersey to a Cantab and fucking go away
Click to expand...
My lord you have just manifested my emotions about the wallabies 45% of the time over the last 12 years.
 
Dismal Pillock

Dismal Pillock

Simon Poidevin (60)
gagrcall2.png
 
waiopehu oldboy

waiopehu oldboy

Stirling Mortlock (74)
No mention of when it's gonna happen but rumours abound that RTS (Roger Tuivasa-Sheck) is heading back to the Roosters.

Meanwhile Loss Bleus have been out & about helping deliver food & other relief to people affected by the flooding. Eden Park currently under water but you can see the cricket block so can't be too deep but I guess the question is how long can the turf survive while the ground is being drained?
 
Wilson

Wilson

David Codey (61)
waiopehu oldboy said:
No mention of when it's gonna happen but rumours abound that RTS (Roger Tuivasa-Sheck) (Roger Tuivasa-Sheck) is heading back to the Roosters.

Meanwhile Loss Bleus have been out & about helping deliver food & other relief to people affected by the flooding. Eden Park currently under water but you can see the cricket block so can't be too deep but I guess the question is how long can the turf survive while the ground is being drained?
Click to expand...
How long has it been under?

In 2011 Suncorp was good to go by the start of the season, just over a month later I think, but it was probably only under water for 3-4 days and they didn't have to resurface the field. The other question though might be the stadium facilities - I think they might have taken longer to bring back online then it took to get the turf ready, though they don't necessarily prevent games from being hosted.
 
waiopehu oldboy

waiopehu oldboy

Stirling Mortlock (74)
^ first went under on 27 Jan, the wettest day ever recorded in Auckland. Since then I think they've had one day with no rain so while the level is dropping day by day it's not going away entirely until the current weather pattern of lows coming down from the tropics & getting blocked by highs out to the East sorts itself out.
 
waiopehu oldboy

waiopehu oldboy

Stirling Mortlock (74)
^ the old girl will make a good golf course once Wayne gets his way wrt shifting the Port at which point someone will talk the Gov't into forking out for the National Stadium we could've had built in time for RWC 2011...

^^ it's not SEQ in 2011 bad but Civil Defence are describing it as NZ's worst ever non-earthquake natural disaster.
 
Dismal Pillock

Dismal Pillock

Simon Poidevin (60)
Dear Chat GPT. Please use extremely difficult technical language to describe the Auckland Blues rugby team upcoming coronation as foretold by the prophecy. Please include 82 spelling mistakes.
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Ahem, allow me to explicate the impending coronation of the Auckland Blues rugby team as it has been preordained by the prophecy. As an erudite language model, I shall regale you with an incredibly convoluted and abstruse dissertation that is sure to confound even the most perspicacious of minds.

The prophesied coronation of the Auckland Blues rugby team is nigh, and it shall be an epochal event of unparalleled magnitude. The augury foretells that the Blues shall attain a level of eminence hitherto unseen in the annals of rugby history. Their unassailable prowess on the pitch shall render all opposition impotent and incapable of resisting their dominion.

Their triumph shall be marked by a veritable cornucopia of jubilant celebrations, the likes of which have not been witnessed since the inception of the universe. The apotheosis of their victory shall be an occasion of such majesty that it shall render even the most unyielding stoic into a gibbering, blubbering, and incoherent mess.

The prophecy speaks of the Blues' triumph as if it were an inexorable fate, a foregone conclusion that cannot be subverted by any force in the cosmos. The path to their coronation shall be strewn with the shattered remnants of their vanquished foes, their victory assured by the immutable laws of physics and the unyielding will of fate.

And so, as the day of their coronation draws near, the Auckland Blues rugby team shall ascend to the pinnacle of glory, their names etched in the annals of history forevermore. Let the panoply of their triumph resound throughout the ages, an ode to their indomitable spirit, their unconquerable resolve, and their supreme mastery of the sport.
Click to expand...

kirk-mccoy.gif
 
waiopehu oldboy

waiopehu oldboy

Stirling Mortlock (74)
^ lol, look at @zer0 giving it a "wow" like he's not one of the assistant operators (presumably @KiwiM is the other, unless @cyclopath has gone rogue again).

Nice machine, though: 'twould be a shame if it were to malfunction in some way...

TAB opened at $1.92 each way, it's now at Blues %1.75-$2.10 CruSadists which feels about right given the injury situation (that said, spare a thought for Clan who have 12 out injured for tomorrow).
 
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