Dismal Pillock
Simon Poidevin (60)
The Gunston Interviews. #6
Gidday, wankers.
Gene Gunston here.
"Today I'm sitting down with General John Bolton from America and I'm going to ask him some very fucking pointed questions about his psychotic war plan to bomb the living snot out of Iran tonight. Gidday, John. Gene-o here. Now then. Straight down to brass tacks. Why the fuck do you want to bomb some poor little Iranian pricks ballsacks right the fuck off?"
"I'm sorry, Gene. I'm Micheal Bolton. You must have me confused with someone el....."
"Don't fucken lie to me, prick. You already caused the fucken Iraq war back in the 90's. Why you wanna kick off with all that desert storm bullshit again?"
"I'm sorry but during Desert Storm I was a bestselling pop artist with a string of easy listening hi....."
"Are you on fucken drugs? Look mate, I'd hardly classify bombing some kebab-faced bastards groin gristle halfway to fucken Hanoi and back as 'artistry'. Jesus Christ. You sick fuck. You disgust me, you fucken warmongering despotic wanker. Is this like a fucken game to you?"
"Again, I'm sorry, but you seem to have me confused with someone else. You called me John earlier?..."
"Fuck, you are good. You haven't even grenaded the first Iranian crippled children's pube off yet and you're already blaming your brother 'John' or some bullshit.
"I have no intention of causing any harm to....."
"THEN WHAT'S WITH THE BIG FUCKEN SEPPO WARSHIPS MARCHING RIGHT THE FUCK TOWARDS IRAN THEN, C**T? DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT SEND THE FUCKEN WARSHIPS?"
"Um, actually, no. I've never been on a warship because I....."
"FUCKEN LIAAAAAAAR."
"I'm sorry, this interview is over, you seem to have mis....."
"FINE THEN, FUCK OFF AND ENJOY YOUR GOLF WAR. PSYCHO C**T."
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