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Inside the Green and Gold Rugby Network

Inside the Green and Gold Rugby Network
Hansen, Henry, Smith and Deans here.
Today we are going to give you a unique behind-the-scenes look at how we run this website Green and Gold Rugby dot something. As you may have already guessed, this website is not actually connected to the internet. Therefore we have to parse and tether all of our internet connections by hand. This is very labour-intensive.
We do have some have Japanese P.O.W's on hand that cater to the finer tasks, such as "doing everything".
"Yes, yes, Burma fell in a matter of minutes, just bloody hurry up."
From there, it's on to The GIF Turbines.
The GIF Turbines
How do you think GIF's move? Stupid prick. Now you know.
Regional Bias Bile Inductors
Regional bias bile inductors. If these steam vent release valves aren't emptied of regional bile backwash on the hour, every hour by the dick on the bike then Houston we are fucked. Representing the colours of Auckland, Canterbury, Wellington, Otago and Waikato they hold on who the fuck wears green? Yellow and green? And where is the wanker on the bike? Oh shit. DEANS!
This area is so technically complicated that even the presence of electricity cannot begin to explain what the hell is going on in here.
Green and Gold.Com Mausoleum
Tenured members of GAGR get their own upright coffins. We only have 15 coffins and 57,000 tenured members so, yes, I admit, some of you pricks are going in the blender.
Grammar Zone
Yes, that poor twat in the picture has to fish commas, apostrophes, semi-colons etc out of their corresponding pots and walk them allllllll the way to the end of the facility to where the P.O.W's tack them onto the forii. What a fucking arse of a job that must be! All done by 1 bloke. What's that Graham? I see. I have just received word from Graham that in fact this grammar bullshit job is done by Deans. Alone. That's him there in the photo.
These might LOOK like molds for giant erect dicks but in fact they're not.
They are molds for giant erect dick photos!
We've never used them because nobody posts photos of giant erect dicks! Still, you can't say we're not prepared for any eventuality here at GAGR.
Once inside the mold, the images will be shrunken down (using science) to make you feel less glum about the size of your own microscopic wanger.
Deans spent his entire $400,000 ARU payoff on this monstrosity.
He doesn't even know what it does.
Neither do we.
This mold, just quietly, is for a giant wanger photograph that we've had Deans colouring-in for months now.
Better be black, Deans!
Canary-yellow wangers are never a flash look!
Wanger film leakage?
Lack of wanger action?
Stuffed if I know.
Basic science either way.
Something else about wangers getting docked?
Who cares, no one's read this far i reckon.
Anyway, that's the tour of the facility over.
Now you know the nuts and bolts of how this website works.
So get busy using some grammar, haha, keep that twat in the picture above up there busy, any grammar will do, stuff it, chuck some umlauts in there see if I care, hahahaha
- Hansen, Henry, Smith and Deans.
better than me mate

Your Rugby IQ is 8%

Ridiculous effort. Absolutely laughable. While we here at the NZRFU are doing everything we can to win the Rugby World Cup in 2011, you're playing tits and giggles on the internet. Pack your bags, I'm sending you to the Pitcairns to keep Kelleher company.

waiopehu oldboy

Jason Little (69)
haha, wasnt King Carlos from down that way? Although maybe I cannot mention such a thing due to oh go on, let's have a look at it just one more time

the worst day of TJ's life. King Carlos walks in last minute 100m match-winning try, tonks over the sideliine conversion, and after copping it all day from the Cantab crowd, gives the big fuck off to good old Lancaster Park haha

Yeah, Carlos went to Waiopehu a few years after me, got noticed for the mighty 'nua the day the Aucks brought the shield to town then got poached by them.

Do you also have the YouTube clip of "that" try at the '03 RWC? During the S12 me & a few mates watched a game where he threw a similar pass that wasn't intercepted, I can still remember Scotty, who was mates with Carlos's big bro, saying something like "don't be fucking doing that at the Cup or some fucking Aussie or South African* will fucking intercept it & it'll bring game fucking over". To which another mate replied "but you know he'll throw the same pass in the same situation, that's just how he is". Prophetic words, no?

*Sethfricken having not been invented yet.
Melbourne Rebels 2014 Merchandise Catalogue

Hi, and welcome to the Melbourne Rebels 2014 Merchandise catalogue.


"Hi, we're fashion designers for the Melbourne Rebels rugby team. Yes, we're both hopelessly addicted to drugs. All of them. Pills too. Hello."


2014 away strip.

No swastika's on the back. We promise.



Melbourne Rebels pair-look warm-up suit.

No skidmarks all up and down the backside or a bit to the side of the terry cloth.


$4.50 O.N.O


Melbourne Rebels away game travel suit.

Now with comically short necktie.

For taking the piss and keeping the mood light.



Melbourne Rebels away game travel suit.


*sorry about the fairly stiff price, it's because

a) this colour technically no longer exists


b) the suit material itself is made from insects that all died and then went extinct in the f**kin' 1970's.


Scott Higginbotham arrives at Melbourne International Airport sky-high on quaaludes and tic-tacs and sporting the Melbourne Rebels home game leisure suit.

$7 bucks O.N.O

waiopehu oldboy

Jason Little (69)
I knew it was a piss-take when you put up the alleged Melbourne Rebels Home Uniform 2014 - I mean, seriously, whodafuck's gonna be seen dead wearing dat?
Lee Grant: Behind the Scenes at GAGR

Lee Grant is GAGR's preeminent rugby writer.

Here is a GAGR Exclusive Look behind the scenes at where the magic happens.


L.Grant putting the finishing touches on his oh God still no pants


L.Grant and a GAGR staff member 10 minutes after the conclusion of any given All Blacks vs Australia rugby test match

Lee Grant back at home, kindly passing his computer knowledge on to his father: