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Inside the Green and Gold Rugby Network

Thought last nights database update would unveil a brave new dawn here today. No such luck.

As for future bollox photo essays in fact I reckon instead of subjecting myself to the exasperation of screeds of failed HTML coding attempts it would be QUICKER to just hook up a 3 minute freebie auxiliary forum, type the nonsene out there, and then post a link here. FFS.
 
I think we have a copyright infringement.
OH CRAP! didnt think of that. although it was only ever intended as an unloading dock for freeze-dried palettes of stupid since this site has now been reduced to a pixellated bums cat flap which nothing f**king fits in any more. Will jettison once Agger's lawyers chopper rotors smash my Pitcairns hut to smithereens again.

lets face it. This message board, like all the others, has ONE function; fostering communication. Yet with its recent travails, now capped off with "tapatalk" being removed, it seems to be going the other way, that being blunderbussing communication in the general direction of its face, ballsack, neck, shins & groinmeat.
 

Sully

Tim Horan (67)
Staff member
OH CRAP! didnt think of that. although it was only ever intended as an unloading dock for freeze-dried palettes of stupid since this site has now been reduced to a pixellated bums cat flap which nothing f**king fits in any more. Will jettison once Agger's lawyers chopper rotors smash my Pitcairns hut to smithereens again.

lets face it. This message board, like all the others, has ONE function; fostering communication. Yet with its recent travails, now capped off with "tapatalk" being removed, it seems to be going the other way, that being blunderbussing communication in the general direction of its face, ballsack, neck, shins & groinmeat.

patience mate. It's nearly back.
 
Gordon Gunston's Guide To A Happy Marriage.
Hello.
My name is Gordon Gunston.
Welcome to.......

My Guide To A Happy Marriage.

First things first.
You are going to need to kill your fucking wife.
There is no such thing as a happy marriage. That's a rookie error, my friend. Stupid newbies persist with that bullshit, hoping that things will get better over time. They never do. Cut your losses and cut that bitch until death does she part.
For a Wife Killing starters kit you could pop into my nephew Gene's new shop in Wollongong.
The boy has all the shit you need.
It's also open at night:
PRO TIP: Slip Gene a few extra bucks and ask if you can see “The Rig” out the back.
“The Rig” is actually Gene-o’s homemade wife-killing machine.
He calls it the “Daewoo Decapitator2000”;
The controls are a bit iffy and sometimes it takes quite a while for the subject to actually die but still, what do you care, it's not you who's facing certain death here.
"Fucking stupid "massage" setting, who built this shit?"


Or, if you're particularly flush with cash, you could call in the Gunston Surgical team.
For a VERY low price they will schedule the wife for some "routine" surgery then just simply whack a big hole in the barking-mad slag and let all her blood fall out. Then she dies. Seven degrees of separation, mine's a bacon sammie.
"Wayne, do you know how to play ANYTHING besides the theme from the fucken Exorcist?"

Down the hospital laundry shute the dead wife's corpse goes where, by cloak of darkness, my nephew Trevor and his custom-appointed white ute will be waiting to whisk her cadaver away to be unceremoniously biffed into the Phil Kearns Geyser of Eternal Tears.
The corrosively caustic properties of Phil's tears will ENSURE total cadaver dissolvement within seconds.




As Phil's tears wend their way to the crocodiled creeks of Wollongong, as does the blood of life flow back to your brain, as does the blood of wife flow down, straight down, into hell.
Now you are free!
In the clear!
Free to fuck around with your stupid hobbies for the rest of your days without having to "WORK" at all that boring, stressful, time-consuming happy marriage bollocks.
"I call this piece "Ode To Phil Kearns Tears And The Baptism Of Death."







Now you can piss about on the internet at YOUR leisure.
"Momoka, I have some good news....."

You can now dick around to your hearts content down at the local arcade, having a laugh with your shithead friends, the same ones that the wife always hated.
"This fucking thing is accurate, right to the decimal place!


Fuck it, you could form a rock music band with your new surgeon pals!
"Let's play an Exorcist Theme medley."

This concludes my My Guide To A Happy Marriage.
"Til Death Does She Part."

 

Tex

Jim Lenehan (48)
Gordon Gunston's Guide To A Happy Marriage.
Hello.

My name is Gordon Gunston.



Welcome to...

My Guide To A Happy Marriage.

First things first.

You are going to need to kill your fucking wife.

There is no such thing as a happy marriage. That's a rookie error, my friend. Stupid newbies persist with that bullshit, hoping that things will get better over time. They never do. Cut your losses and cut that bitch until death does she part.

For a Wife Killing starters kit you could pop into my nephew Gene's new shop in Wollongong.

The boy has all the shit you need.









It's also open at night:





PRO TIP: Slip Gene a few extra bucks and ask if you can see “The Rig” out the back.

“The Rig” is actually Gene-o’s homemade wife-killing machine.

He calls it the “Daewoo Decapitator2000”;

The controls are a bit iffy and sometimes it takes quite a while for the subject to actually die but still, what do you care, it's not you who's facing certain death here.


"Fucking stupid "massage" setting, who built this shit?"


Or, if you're particularly flush with cash, you could call in the Gunston Surgical team.

For a VERY low price they will schedule the wife for some "routine" surgery then just simply whack a big hole in the barking-mad slag and let all her blood fall out. Then she dies. Seven degrees of separation, mine's a bacon sammie.


"Wayne, do you know how to play ANYTHING besides the theme from the fucken Exorcist?"

Down the hospital laundry shute the dead wife's corpse goes where, by cloak of darkness, my nephew Trevor and his custom-appointed white ute will be waiting to whisk her cadaver away to be unceremoniously biffed into the Phil Kearns Geyser of Eternal Tears.

The corrosively caustic properties of Phil's tears will ENSURE total cadaver dissolvement within seconds.








As Phil's tears wend their way to the crocodiled creeks of Wollongong, as does the blood of life flow back to your brain, as does the blood of wife flow down, straight down, into hell.

Now you are free!

In the clear!

Free to fuck around with your stupid hobbies for the rest of your days without having to "WORK" at all that boring, stressful, time-consuming happy marriage bollocks.


"I call this piece "Ode To Phil Kearns Tears And The Baptism Of Death."







Now you can piss about on the internet at YOUR leisure.


"Momoka, I have some good news..."

You can now dick around to your hearts content down at the local arcade, having a laugh with your shithead friends, the same ones that the wife always hated.


"This fucking thing is accurate, right to the decimal place!


Fuck it, you could form a rock music band with your new surgeon pals!


"Let's play an Exorcist Theme medley."

This concludes my My Guide To A Happy Marriage.

"Til Death Does She Part."


dismal this is some deep state niche content
 

cyclopath

Stirling Mortlock (74)
Staff member
can somone dumb this down for me?


soo-deep-bruh.jpg
 
10 Easy Tips For A Happy Life.

Gidday, psychos.

Dr Wayne Gunston here, your friendly neighbourhood happiness counselor.

hair.jpg

Not a fucken pedo.

Now then, down to fuckin' business. Are you happy? No? Didn't think so. Miserable looking nutjob like you.

Here are my 10 Easy Tips For A Happy Life.

1. Murder Someone.

Murdering someone has been proven to provide a 35% boost of polyphenol ions via the human preraptor cortex. It is easy to murder someone. Just go outside and bash some fucken pricks skull in. Instant happiness! Get onto it. The recent world population explosion has resulted in an increase in people worldwide so it should be pretty fucken easy



2. Get a tattoo.

tattoo.jpg

"Haha, it's like a design on a t-shirt that I don't like anymore except I can never take it off! Hahaha!"

Every monobrained lemming on the planet has one of these fucking tattoo things. As humans, we are biometrically compelled to assert our uniqueness by being like every other fucking doofus on the planet. It's called "fitting in", dumbarse. Do you want to fit in with humanity and be happy or fucking not? Well, you clicked on this fuckheaded article so there's your fucken answer. So hurry up and get a montage of dog dicks tattooed all over your fucken neck and GET FUCKING HAPPY.



3. Sit In Silence.

No prick likes it when you talk. That's why you're so sad all the fucken time, cos' you keep talking and making other fuckers around you sad with your colossal great negative whinging. So shut up forever and be happy. Dipshit.



4. Eat Healthily.

Eat fruits and vegetables. They will make you happy. Actually, they will make your body happy, meanwhile your brain has a big fucken cry and silently screams for chips and kit-kats. This is known in the Science world as a Body Versus Brain Versus Cock Bermuda Triangle Paradigm. Make the right decision and wank off a cucumber.



5. Make Other People Happy.

See entry #3.




6. Wank Your Way To Happiness.

Tourniquet the turnstile then bash that bishop into oblivion. It's the Wankolympics and you are Carl Lewis on cockoids.

Yes, every day should be a goddamn decathlon of dick. Specifically, yours. Extradite that plaintiff halfway to fucken Fantasy Island and back. How can you hear wee Tattoo giddily yelling "de plane, de plane!" and not think of the wee man whacking his dwarf todger with giddy abandon over the edge of that Bell Tower? HOW?



7. Eat Biscuits.

Biscuits have been scientifically proven to boost polypropylene intake brain manifold receptors by up to 35%. "But aren't biscuits bad for my fat bastard body?" I hear you ask. Look, do you want to be fucking happy or not? Biscuits light up your tiny fucking brain's pleasure receptors. That's Brain Science 101. Is your brain even connected to your stupid body? Or are you some sort of distended Walt Disney cryogenic experiment or something? Splash Mountain all over your mum's birth hatch.




8. Life Is Long.

Derive happiness from the fact that human lives can go on and on for years and years and fucking YEARS. Just think, 5 years from now you might still be alive. If that doesn't make you happy then your life must be shit.

In Executive Summary, a happy life is a lifelong commitment to happiness.

Fuck I'm good. That'll be $50 bucks, thanks wanker.





9. Have Teeth.

teeth.jpg

Most people have teeth.

At least, a few teeth.

These weird, white, hard, boney tooth thingies can be useful at times. If you show them to other people, those very same people might even think you are happy. God knows how that works. It's like some voodoo shit or something.





10. Do All Of The Above Simultaneously To Reach Peak Happiness.

It is a scientific fact that multi-tasking makes us happy. Therefore, to reach peak happiness, you need to silently wank off Tattoo while also wanking off a cucumber, while also eating a biscuit and simultaneously murdering someone all at the same time.

Hurry up glumpants, do you want to be fucken happy or not?


Righto.

-Wayne.

hair.jpg
 
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