Japan
- Thread starter Reddy!
- Start date
Teh Other Dave
Alan Cameron (40)
Yeah how's the toilet coming along?
Dismal Pillock
Simon Poidevin (60)
new player on the classy French bidet scene.....
Le Gunstone Enematique Pneumatique.
Le Gunstone Enematique Pneumatique.
Dismal Pillock
Simon Poidevin (60)
Japanese Food
People wank on and on and on about how awesome Japanese food is.
I'm not fucken having it.
Most of it is deeply unhealthy and often just flat-out fucken revolting.
TL/DR I am so fucking bad at being in Japan.
Let's Review;
Tofu.
Disgusting. A tasteless white slab of wobbly snot. Not fucken eating this.
Miso soup.
AKA Snot Soup. Fuck off with this shit. It's not food, it's just a puddle of wet brown bullshit.
Umeboshi
An impossibly sour shrivelled plum gonad. Some sort of punishment from the samurai days, fucked if I know. Not food.
Sushi.
Sushi is fine and a big fuck yeah. Fuck off with the Snot Soup and get the sushi on.
Tempura.
A fucking joke of a food. A tiny piece of pumpkin or some shit that is deep fried in a massive casing of crusty batter. It's just 90% solidified cooking oil. This shit will kill you. Healthy food my black arse.
Soba
Revolting tasteless spaghetti. No taste.
Udon
Revolting tasteless spaghetti. No taste.
Oden
Boiled eggs and radish floating about in a puddle of tasteless hot water. Fucking terrible. Not eating this shit.
Nabe
Nabe = Pot. Yep, just any rando shit thrown in a pot with hot water. Fuck this floaty bullshit.
Natto
Rotten beans. Obviously not food. It's gone rotten you stupid drongos. Throw it out.
Tonkatsu
Deep-fried pork on rice.Japanese food is so healthy. This shit will kill you.
Mochi
Sugared rice that's been kneaded into the consistency of a melted eraser. Inedible. This is the shit that old gits choke on and die from every New Years. LOL.
Okonomiyaki
Pizza sized pancake of half-raw flour covered in dead squid and mayonnaise. Hmmmm, delicious. Get fucked.
Yakitori
Skewered and grilled chicken bits. Can work if the fucking thing is not 86% gristle. TL/DR, it's always 86% gristle. I reckon I could make this way better than some of the insulting shit on a stick they dish up at restaurants.
Takoyaki
Half-raw flour dough balls with a tiny piece of fucking octopus inside. Hmm, what a treat. You may as well eat raw flour and a microwaved eraser. Fuck this shit.
Ramen
The wank about ramen is off the charts. After eating this with its oil and bullshit your guts will feel crook as fuck. There's a reason most Japanese people are somehow fat and skinny at the same time and I reckon it's this rubbish.
Karaage
Fried chicken. No hot water, no floaty shit, no half-raw flour. Congratulations Japan on not fucking up fried chicken. FFS.
Sukiyaki
Here we fucken go again, another pot of hot water with floating fucking vegetables. You can't taste a thing except for fucken hot water. Plus it has that see-through spaghetti bullshit that everyone avoids as they make a beeline for the salvageable bits of meat that, too late, have already been stripped of all meat taste by the stupid fucking hot water. Fuck this nonsense.
People wank on and on and on about how awesome Japanese food is.
I'm not fucken having it.
Most of it is deeply unhealthy and often just flat-out fucken revolting.
TL/DR I am so fucking bad at being in Japan.
Let's Review;
Tofu.
Disgusting. A tasteless white slab of wobbly snot. Not fucken eating this.
Miso soup.
AKA Snot Soup. Fuck off with this shit. It's not food, it's just a puddle of wet brown bullshit.
Umeboshi
An impossibly sour shrivelled plum gonad. Some sort of punishment from the samurai days, fucked if I know. Not food.
Sushi.
Sushi is fine and a big fuck yeah. Fuck off with the Snot Soup and get the sushi on.
Tempura.
A fucking joke of a food. A tiny piece of pumpkin or some shit that is deep fried in a massive casing of crusty batter. It's just 90% solidified cooking oil. This shit will kill you. Healthy food my black arse.
Soba
Revolting tasteless spaghetti. No taste.
Udon
Revolting tasteless spaghetti. No taste.
Oden
Boiled eggs and radish floating about in a puddle of tasteless hot water. Fucking terrible. Not eating this shit.
Nabe
Nabe = Pot. Yep, just any rando shit thrown in a pot with hot water. Fuck this floaty bullshit.
Natto
Rotten beans. Obviously not food. It's gone rotten you stupid drongos. Throw it out.
Tonkatsu
Deep-fried pork on rice.
Mochi
Sugared rice that's been kneaded into the consistency of a melted eraser. Inedible. This is the shit that old gits choke on and die from every New Years. LOL.
Okonomiyaki
Pizza sized pancake of half-raw flour covered in dead squid and mayonnaise. Hmmmm, delicious. Get fucked.
Yakitori
Skewered and grilled chicken bits. Can work if the fucking thing is not 86% gristle. TL/DR, it's always 86% gristle. I reckon I could make this way better than some of the insulting shit on a stick they dish up at restaurants.
Takoyaki
Half-raw flour dough balls with a tiny piece of fucking octopus inside. Hmm, what a treat. You may as well eat raw flour and a microwaved eraser. Fuck this shit.
Ramen
The wank about ramen is off the charts. After eating this with its oil and bullshit your guts will feel crook as fuck. There's a reason most Japanese people are somehow fat and skinny at the same time and I reckon it's this rubbish.
Karaage
Fried chicken. No hot water, no floaty shit, no half-raw flour. Congratulations Japan on not fucking up fried chicken. FFS.
Sukiyaki
Here we fucken go again, another pot of hot water with floating fucking vegetables. You can't taste a thing except for fucken hot water. Plus it has that see-through spaghetti bullshit that everyone avoids as they make a beeline for the salvageable bits of meat that, too late, have already been stripped of all meat taste by the stupid fucking hot water. Fuck this nonsense.