My personal request to the Wallabies

[Elfster]

Dear Wallabies,

I will be the first to admit that I do not have your skills nor knowledge that, according to some, can be only gained by playing Super Rugby. In fact my Rugby playing claim to fame resides well in the past: back in 1983 and being part of a side that beat Joey's 16F's 73 to 0. (And slightly digressing, a score that flattered them, due to my greedy and hogging inside backs not fully utilizing the epitome and benchmark of enigmatic, spectacular firepower on the right wing..) But could you please heed my advice or listen to my observation.

In the last few couple of days it has rained a lot in Sydney. At the Olympic Park where you will be playing over 100 millimeters have fallen (and for some of the older Wallabies used to the proper measurement that is 4 inches.) It has been the wettest July in years: streets are awash with water and discarded umbrellas. The grass will be long and wet. Slippery. Deceitful under foot. Uncertain and tricky.

So my request is - could you wear the proper boots for the circumstances. It is a simple plea or request. An obvious one. But an important one.

Wallabies supporters are tough, fair and faithful. Understanding and compassionate. But to see you lot slip and slide around the ground on Saturday like a bunch of enthusiastic, highly strung, bewildered undergraduate nurses playing jelly Twister, due to wearing the wrong boots would be too much.

Thank you Wallabies. And good luck.

 

[WB3]

Word

 

[Gagger]

A great post Elfster, completely discredited though by what is quite clearly fantasy

and being part of a side that beat Joey's 16F's 73 to 0.

 

[Cat_A]

I personally agree completely with your heartfelt, and may I add, reasonable plea. However in such times as this, I believe the Wallaby backs should have right of reply.


Dear Elfster

Thank you for your letter regarding our choice of footwear for the upcoming game. It's always nice hearing from commoners, especially when both of us are able to stay largely anonymous, and you are unable to see my upper lip curling in distaste. Forgive me for any typos, but I'm writing this from the hairdresser's chair as my colourist touches up my frosted tips - this new Samsung can be an absolute punish for auto-correct.

Elf (may I call you that?) as you rightly pointed out you have not played Super Rugby and you therefore have no idea what you are talking about. However I am a magnanimous person so I will attempt to speak to someone of your lowly status.

We can't wear appropriate footwear this week for one simple reason: chicks.

To explain; many of us backs wouldn't be considered very attractive to women if we weren't famous rugby players. Some guys (Gits for example) have jaws that are a little too large for their faces, some like Quade have incredibly high foreheads (his hairline isn't receding, he's born that way), Sookface would be clearly up against it, and many of us are very very simple. We have a hard time making conversation with chicks, let alone dazzling them with our witty repartee, and many of us consider fart jokes the ultimate level of humour. In fact just the other day I was texting..... Hang on, you wouldn't understand. To put it in terms even you would understand, the boots that allow us to wear sensible footwear are not attractive at all. They wouldn't accentuate our slim ankles below our muscular calves. They wouldn't go with our outfits.

Many women insist on wearing uncomfortable or impractical shoes just because they look good. We men wish, when the ladyfolk select their footwear, they took into account the weather, the terrain they'd be walking on etc. But the overarching concern for women is with how they look. And let's be honest: underneath it all, aren't we just a little bit glad they're wearing hot shoes that show off their legs and make other guys jealous that they're with us?

In the same way, we know that standard black boots with screw-ins would allow us to play better, keep our feet during contact and probably kick better, but we know that our female fans (they're the ones we're chasing) will like us heaps more if we're wearing a fabulous pair of shoes that totally go with our outfits.

The career of a rugby player is very short and while we have to make as much money as we can, we also have to pull as many chicks as we can while our looks, conversational skills and dress sense aren't important. If wearing practical shoes is going to harm my brand, then I'm afraid I can't accede to your request at this time.

Yours sincerely
Numbers 9 through 15.

 

[cyclopath]

I personally agree completely with your heartfelt, and may I add, reasonable plea. However in suh times as this, I believe the Wallaby backs should have right of reply.

Dear Elfster

Thank you for your letter regarding our choice of footwear for the upcoming game. It's always nice hearing from the common man, especially when both of us are able to stay largely anonymous and you are unable to see my upper lip curling in distaste. Forgive me for any typos, but I'm writing this from the hairdresser's chair as my colourist touches up my frosted tips - this new Blackberry can be an absolute punish for auto-correct.

Elf (may I call you that?) as you rightly pointed out, you have not played Super Rugby and you therefore have no idea what you are talking about, however as I am a magnanimous person I will attempt to speak to someone of your status. We can't wear appropriate footwear this week for one simple reason: chicks.

To explain; many of us backs wouldn't be considered very attractive to women if we weren't famous rugby players. Some guys (Gits for example) have jaws that are a little too large for their faces, some like Quade have incredibly high foreheads (his hairline isn't receding, he's born that way), Sookface would be clearly up against it, and many of us are very very simple. We have a hard time making conversation with chicks, let alone dazzling them with our witty repartee, and many of us consider fart jokes the ultimate level of humour. In fact just the other day I was... Hang on, you wouldn't understand. To put it in terms even you would understand, the boots that allow us to wear sensible footwear are not attractive at all. They wouldn't accentuate our slim ankles below our muscular calves. They wouldn't go with our outfits.

It's a lot like many women who insist on wearing uncomfortable or impractical shoes just because they look good. We wish, when selecting their footwear, they'd take into account the weather, the terrain they'd be walking on, but the overarching concern is with how they look. But underneath it all, aren't we just a little bit glad they're wearing hot shoes that show off their legs? Similarly we know that standard black boots with screw-ins would enable us to play better, keep our feet during contact and probably kick better, but we know that our female fans (they're the ones we're chasing) underneath it all, will like us heaps more if we're wearing a fabulous pair of shoes that totally go with our outfits.

The career of a rugby player is very short and while we have to make as much money as we can, we also have to pull as many chicks as we can while our looks, conversational skills and dress sense aren't required. If wearing practical shoes is going to harm my brand, then I'm afraid I can't accede to your request at this time.

Yours sincerely
Wallabies

Clearly not a Wallaby - that'd never fit in a Tweet. Not to mention your excessive use of punctuation. And real words.

 

[matty_k]

A great post Elfster, completely discredited though by what is quite clearly fantasy

back in 1983 and being part of a side that beat Joey's 16F's 73 to 0.

Did you ever grace the lower ranks of Joeys' rugby Gagger? If so you may have been looking through rose coloured glasses.
Being a member of the Mighty 12ths XV I can remember a few games being soundly beaten.

 

[Gagger]

You youngsters have let so much slip. in '89 we were undefeated in the 1sts-9ths.

I'm keeping my glasses on, although I did let the makers of The Code borrow them for a bit


PS - GOLD btw Cat

 

[Ruggo]

That is pool room material Cat A. GOLD and cheers for the laugh.

 

[The_Brown_Hornet]

Cat, you forgot to sign it off as Matthew Burke

 

[Cat_A]

Cat, you forgot to sign it off as Matthew Burke

Wanted to respect the player's anonymity. I think he was afraid of coming off as intelligent.

 

[matty_k]

You youngsters have let so much slip. in '89 we were undefeated in the 1sts-9ths.

The double figures teams was where all the fun was had. I believe before one game the coach said "Our goal today is to only lose by no more than ten points."

 

[barbarian]

Best thread ever.

 

[The_Brown_Hornet]

Up there with the vasectomy thread I reckon, Barbs.

 

[Lee Grant]

Well done Elfster and Cat A. Funny stuff.

Meantime it is still pissing down in Sydney. Gerrard should be playing in this one now.

 

[barbarian]

Meantime it is still pissing down in Sydney. Gerrard should be playing in this one now.

I think this would be the case 3 years ago, but I think Sunday proved Gerrard isn't up to it. He is a marginally better kicker than Beale, but doesn't have the skills in either attack or defence to be of international standard, even if it is pissing rain.

 

[EVERYFWDTHINKTHEYREA6OR7]

Great thread

 

[Scarfman]

I think this would be the case 3 years ago, but I think Sunday proved Gerrard isn't up to it. He is a marginally better kicker than Beale, but doesn't have the skills in either attack or defence to be of international standard, even if it is pissing rain.

Depends what the idiot coach told him to do.

 

[barbarian]

Depends what the idiot coach told him to do.

Did the idiot coach tell him to miss 4 tackles, run really slowly and throw hospital passes to his outside men? If so he followed those orders bloody well.

 

[Scarfman]

He probably told him something incomprehesible like orienting himself towards advancement situations and Mark just did his best to interpret that.

 

[The_Brown_Hornet]

It's all about the journey, Scarfy. The journey.