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Zoom

Discussion in 'Everything Else' started by Dismal Pillock, Apr 29, 2020.

?

Zoom

no fucken way 3 vote(s) 30.0%
not my bag mate 1 vote(s) 10.0%
can't I just get left alone? for 5 fucken minutes, I mean months? 4 vote(s) 40.0%
I love its sociability aspect 0 vote(s) 0.0%
I just want people to LISTEN to me. 1 vote(s) 10.0%
This fucken thing 6 vote(s) 60.0%
turns out I really am a total humanphobe 2 vote(s) 20.0%
zoombomb my cock 3 vote(s) 30.0%
it's my saviour 1 vote(s) 10.0%
congratulations humanity, just the word "zoom" now makes me break out in fucken brain hives 2 vote(s) 20.0%
Multiple votes are allowed.
  1. Dismal Pillock John Hipwell (52)

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    https://www.nationalgeographic.com/...is-taxing-the-brain-here-is-why-that-happens/

    And they want me to teach a fucken class on this thing? Like, with 20 other humans on the screen at once? And me in charge? Watch me panic and unmute the entire worldwide platform as Camp Leader roams past in her gruds and the 2 cats chunder all over each other in the background. Then some little shit student records the whole class and dumps it on youtube and my cock goes viral.

    Fuck. Zoom.
  2. cyclopath Phil Waugh (73)

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    I love it when someone invariably sets up their camera looking up their nose almost into their fucken brain!!!!
  3. Dismal Pillock John Hipwell (52)

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    yeah Camp Leader with her new jowly jabba the hut lockdown look, angling the cam up to capture her physiognomy of phpffs, bugger me, never going back
  4. Tex Ken Catchpole (46)

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    I flew close to the sun last week. I had a saturday night zoom 'party' with friends in which using a background consisting of a shouting Boris Johnston flanked by that well-endowed African American guy, along with the screen name "Brian's Dick Drizzle".

    Signed into my 9am Monday huddle only to rapidly shut things down when I realised the background and screen name hadn't changed from my half-pissed effort two nights earlier.
  5. Dismal Pillock John Hipwell (52)

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    Local Man Hires 2 Technicians To Keep Zoom At Bay


    –IT News–

    A local internetter has hired 2 fulltime computer technicians whose sole specific job task is to ensure that no “Zoom” invitations ever reach their employers inbox.

    [IMG]
    “Systems indicate some fucker abroad wants to schedule a meeting with D.Pillock to chat about their fucken dog.
    “Deleted.”







    [IMG]
    “Systems indicate some desperate me-me fucker wants to ‘do some Zoom beers and hang out’.
    “Binned. Fuck that clown and fuck his sad cnut Zoom beers.”








    [IMG]
    “Systems indicate some business organisation now wants Pillock to do his entire fucken job on Zoom.
    “Like fuck. He just quit. Business wankers.”








    [IMG]
    “Systems indicate 13 new Zoom job training invitations for this week.
    “Mute my black cnut you fucks.”







    [IMG]
    “Systems indicate the instant Pillock goes on Zoom he panics and hilariously unmutes the entire worldwide platform as Camp Leader roams past in her gruds and the 2 cats chunder all over each other in the background. Then some little shit records the whole debacle and dumps it on youtube and DP’s cock goes viral.
    “Haha, that would be pretty funny. Dismal is a bit of a thick cnut at times.
    “At all times.”

    The employer, a Mr Dismal Pillock of the Upper 666th Pitcairns Fucken Parallel, was unavailable for comment via fucken Zoom.
    yourmatesam, Froggy and cyclopath like this.
  6. Dctarget John Thornett (49)

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    Wait, wait, wait, we're all missing the point here. Dismal is a fucking teacher? With like, students and responsibilities? Surely that's against the Geneva convention.

    "Ahh Mr. Gunston, that's a very nice blackboard diagram of the Queen mounting Prince Philip in stirrups, but how does it relate to our economics class?"

    Those poor, poor students. Someone should call the RSPCA, or whatever they call it in Japan, I think the pokemon health centre.
  7. cyclopath Phil Waugh (73)

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    I think they try to avoid using the words "Student Welfare" "Poke" and "Dismal Pillock" in one sentence.
    yourmatesam and Dismal Pillock like this.
  8. Dismal Pillock John Hipwell (52)

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    holy crap. have you been zoomspying on me? This is an actual pic of one kids answers to one of my quizzes.

    He obviously just gave the fuck up.

    [IMG]

    I gave him an A+
  9. cyclopath Phil Waugh (73)

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    What sentence was created with "whack" in it? Or the "rub", "slap" and "whack" combo?
    Dismal Pillock likes this.
  10. Dismal Pillock John Hipwell (52)

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    no, no, that was it. he gave the fuck up at "poke" and handed in the paper.

    Instant A+.
    cyclopath likes this.
  11. Dismal Pillock John Hipwell (52)

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    Woah, woah, that's for advanced students.

    We start with the basics.

    [IMG]


    [IMG]
  12. The_Brown_Hornet Michael Lynagh (62)

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    This thread is the funniest shit I've seen on the Internet today.
  13. cyclopath Phil Waugh (73)

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    "You 3 pricks will get no action in the club tonight dressed like fucken Spandau Ballet.
    Tony Manero here is gettin' laaaaiiidddd!!"
  14. Pfitzy Tim Horan (67)

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    So far since lockdown I've had the following:

    Google Hangouts (work)
    Zoom
    Facebook Messenger vid
    Microsoft Teams
    Webex
    Facetime
    ?Skype?
  15. cyclopath Phil Waugh (73)

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    We've used Zoom, doxy.me, Coviu in differing ways. doxy.me works well for video telehealth consulting, as long as patients understand it's weird if they try to show me their wang. Just. So. Wrong.
  16. Dismal Pillock John Hipwell (52)

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    lolwft is this, sounds like a wwf move
    sounds like someone needs some... t-shirts made
    yourmatesam and cyclopath like this.
  17. Dismal Pillock John Hipwell (52)

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    oh crap, my highly-detailed minute-by-minute syllabus plan neglected to factor in "leave all mics live and head just off camera to the bog for a massive 35-minute shit just 3 minutes into scheduled appointment".
    cyclopath likes this.
  18. The_Brown_Hornet Michael Lynagh (62)

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    Teams only for us and it's been near on flawless.
  19. zer0 Alan Cameron (40)

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    Yeah we're using Teams too and technically has been fine. It's getting the oldies to use it in lieu of spamming the send-all email option, or other mass emails, that's the problem.
  20. Braveheart81 Rocky Elsom (76)

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    We use Teams internally and it has been good. Seeing as we use Office 365 we're already paying for it which is better than having another subscription.

    Generally use Zoom for client meetings. I consider the 40 minute a time limit from the free account a valuable feature. I'd probably pay for a subscription if it limited you to 30 minute meetings.
    Pfitzy and Teh Other Dave like this.

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