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Worst Commentator Pole Action

Worst Commentator?

  • Total voters
    144
Quick Hands

Quick Hands

David Wilson (68)
waiopehu oldboy said:
^^^^^^ nominee for most improved, anyway. Used to be terrible esp when commentating Crusaders & AB, always going out've his way to prove his lack of bias. Now seems to have found the right balance between praising the good stuff & panning the bad stuff regardless of who's playing.

On a not entirely unrelated topic, I see Fox are trying to spin Marto's biggest failing into a positive: feeding him a line about "first thing into head is first thing out your mouth" followed by "I've got enough friends, I don't need to make more". Pass me the barf bag, STAT!
Click to expand...

I didn't think anything went through his head.;)
 
Dismal Pillock

Dismal Pillock

Simon Poidevin (60)
The tears of an increasingly desperate Phil Kearns attempting to barrack his losing, losing, lost Waratah boys over the tryline from the comm's box were today like liquid gold seepage, each one to be separately vialed and valeted via a winged chariot to the summit of Mt Satan, to be enshrined and worshipped and mined for eternal sustenance, yes, a recommended elixir of particular calorific value for those residing outside the greater New South Wales area.
 
cyclopath

cyclopath

George Smith (75)
Staff member
Dismal Pillock said:
The tears of an increasingly desperate Phil Kearns attempting to barrack his losing, losing, lost Waratah boys over the tryline from the comm's box were today like liquid gold seepage, each one to be separately vialed and valeted via a winged chariot to the summit of Mt Satan, to be enshrined and worshipped and mined for eternal sustenance, yes, a recommended elixir of particular calorific value for those residing outside the greater New South Wales area.
Click to expand...

You've been patiently waiting for a mindless, deranged rabble to shade your Busted Bloos, and like Golden Kearns Lachrymose Extract, it has been delivered to you as succour for the hard winter to come.
I present to you the "WTF Waratahs". But spread the Extract thinly on your Wood-Fired Breadfruit, as you may need some for your humble-pie that the Bloos never take off the menu.
 
Inside Shoulder

Inside Shoulder

Nathan Sharpe (72)
Dismal Pillock said:
The tears of an increasingly desperate Phil Kearns attempting to barrack his losing, losing, lost Waratah boys over the tryline from the comm's box were today like liquid gold seepage, each one to be separately vialed and valeted via a winged chariot to the summit of Mt Satan, to be enshrined and worshipped and mined for eternal sustenance, yes, a recommended elixir of particular calorific value for those residing outside the greater New South Wales area.
Click to expand...

Gregan was the antidote to Kearns' exasperation numbing all listeners so that the vaguely interesting was reduced to profoundly boring.
I have come up with a way to monetise that voice and the content: it could replace muzak in lifts.
 
Highlander35

Highlander35

Andrew Slack (58)
Kearns is a funny one. Still like what Justin Marshall was ~5 years ago, loud when he thinks there's an infringement against his team, quiet when the shoe is on the other foot.

Marto is blatant in his Reds support and Kafer pretends to be unbiased. Kearns commits neither and to me at least, that makes him the most annoying of all.
 
ChargerWA

ChargerWA

Mark Loane (55)
Inside Shoulder said:
Gregan was the antidote to Kearns' exasperation numbing all listeners so that the vaguely interesting was reduced to profoundly boring.
I have come up with a way to monetise that voice and the content: it could replace muzak in lifts.
Click to expand...
Sell it to insomniacs.
 
N

Nelse

Chris McKivat (8)
I don't really mind any of them either. Most of them have been there for so long it would be weird not to hear them when the Rugby is on. But George Gregan, whenever he throws to the break at half time and recaps the score, he sounds like he has no idea who's playing. Constantly stumbling over the team names. Although he is improving
 
Dismal Pillock

Dismal Pillock

Simon Poidevin (60)
The Tears of Phil Kearns

--National Geographic--

It is basic science that The Tears of Phil Kearns are some of the most treasured minerals known to man.

Just one single solitary tear, rubbed lovingly upon the fontanelle of a newborn infant, has been scientifically proven to:
  • ward off evil spirits forever.
  • ensure a healthy appetite.
  • bestow a lifelong disposition of just benevolence.
  • guarantee a lifetime of stiffies. even for girls.
Once shed, Phil Kearns tears are quickly pooled along with the tears of every other sook bastard on the fuckin' planet...... 99.8% of whom now reside on the internet.

waterneg.jpg


However, due to their priceless nature, Kearns tears, the tears containing the magic essence that presents itself only when an injustice befalls Kearns beloved NSW Waratahs, are distilled by divine intervention and run their own course, bound as if by fate, destined to coalesce at their legendary eternal well, The Kearns Boil.



"And thus shall we cleave a trench through the land of Wollongong, a trench that shall run rich with Phil Kearns tears, and in due course, well eternally upon the holy site of the Kearns Boil" said the Bible.

These purest of tears, they wend their way through the hills of Wollongong, a languid flow with an ease of passage befitting their very nature as holy vessels that are capable of cleansing and nourishing the followers of a rugby football team no matter how shitty the team, yes, even the squalid and moribund and clueless fuckhead Auckland Blues of Auckland, New Zealand.


The Kearns Boil.

kearns2_zpsp5fdyp55.jpg


"And here, here upon the lanced boil of shattered NSW Waratah dreams, shall the most treasured tears of Phil Kearns congeal as one solitary tear" (Chapter 2, Verse 8, Book of Phil)

Yes, pagans, heathens, freaks and followers of shitty rugby teams - or any team other than the NSW Waratahs really - bathe ye filthed self within the tears, cleanse yourself freak, cleanse!

*Please form an orderly queue behind Western Force fans.
*No pissing in the pool (mainly Western Force fans).
 
cyclopath

cyclopath

George Smith (75)
Staff member
That Kearns Boil is freaky, man.
With those colours, it could be the fabled Tie-Dyed Oculus of Pocock, apart from the complete lack of trees, of course.
 
Teh Other Dave

Teh Other Dave

Alan Cameron (40)
The Kearns Lacus Lacrimalis. Prone to significant overflows during the Chris Hickey era. The locals still hung around for the bulk fishing.
 
Scrubber2050

Scrubber2050

Mark Ella (57)
Marto and Kearns biased towards their own teams and call it so - Kearns is just terrible.
Kafe is the tactician'
Gregan is just bland - bit like a piece of boiled steak AND without salt
 
Dismal Pillock

Dismal Pillock

Simon Poidevin (60)
cannot believe Marshall's accrued just 3 votes, the guy drives me fucking insaaannnne. Talks, no, shouts over the top of everything, including when the ref's explaining shit, which he would do well to listen to as his knowledge of the laws seems to be pretty much just half-imagined fart bubbles that emerge confusingly from his mouth. Tamunivalu spikes the ball for a try, may have bounced it but replay shows he still had finger connection and hello giant tirade from Marshall NO TRY, NO TRY which you just fucking KNEW as soon as he launched into it, would result in a try getting awarded.

ps if he calls me "people" one more time I am sending him bits of Byron in a box.
 
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