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All-Time Crim 1st XV

Lindommer

Lindommer

Steve Williams (59)
Staff member
Triple murderer, well done young man! Sorta puts those who can't count past one to shame. Sanji should be in charge of the catering at least. ;)
 
Dismal Pillock

Dismal Pillock

Simon Poidevin (60)
Pursuant to clause 64b of the tract duodenal, dickheadedish behavior is **NOT** technically criminal behavior therefore ergo visa visor messrs Pulver and Eales are **INELIGIBLE** for the Alltime Crim 1st XV until such time as they rape pillage murder forward slash jaywalk at a time of their choosing pursuant to the future ergo

Raewyn (babysitter forward slash joint co-selector)
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Dismal Pillock

Dismal Pillock

Simon Poidevin (60)
1 Parmeet Dabas: murdered 3

2 Henry Tromp: killing a farm worker

3 Bees Roux: cop killer

4 Rudi Virage: shot and killed his 19 yo daughter.

5 Michael Quinn ©. Melbourne Chargers. Kiddie fucker. He won’t even survive the first ruck.

6 Pita Wilson: kidnapping and assault

7 Joseph Ntshongwana: killed 3 with an axe

8 Marc Cecillon: performing the eternal willie-away on own wife

9 B.Kelleher: drunk and disorderly + innumerable crimes, many of them against All Black heritage. VICE Captain (haha, "Vice", get it, that's even worse than being regular captain of these arseclowns)

10 Paddy Jackson: rape

11 Eric Rush: careless driving causing death and injury

12 Japie Mulder: teen rape

13 Craig Wells. raping children.

14 Alejandro Puccio. triple kidnap/murderer

15 Glen Ella: nicking 20 million from kids charity



Bench



Tim Bristow: Banned from rugby for life in 1962 for knocking out 8 opposing players.

Lorenzo Bocchini: breaking bad meth cook

Sione Luaaki: trashing motel room/charged in with assault at a Tron bar/charged for careless driving and crashing/guilty of dropping 5 passes in one half of test match rugby football while playing for the New Zealand All Blacks.

Mark Catchpole: busted for dealing drugs. 9 months P.D

Stuart Olding: rape

John Payne: crippling someone in a bar fight.

Losi Filipo: bashing up four, 2 of them women.

Matthew Ridge: property development company went bust owing tradies & suppliers millions



Wider training group

Andrew Hore: killing seals

Tony Woodcock: drink driving

Keith Murdock: punching a pom in 1862 and maybe killing some bloke in the outback

Ali Williams: coke bust and general gormlessness.

Dillan Halaholo: sustained carpark wanking. Doing it for the kids.

R.Brooke (trying to root some kid up in the islands or something?)

Scott Higginbotham: assaulting cops

Willie Anderson: nicked a flag on tour in Argentina. Think bigger, Willie.

George Smith: charged with assault

Cliff Palu: weekend detention for assault.

Matt Henjak: broke Haig Sare's jaw

Jimmy Cowan: assaulting 2 bouncers. Plus stuffing up Auckland Blues backline for a season

Doug Rolleson, pokie machine money fraud: not for personal gain hence no jail

W.Ripia: looting own team dressing room haha.

Steve Pokere, helping fleece his fellow Mormons of $3.9M, 2 1/2 years jail.

John Ryan: busted for an attempted armed hold-up.

Brian Lima GBH

G.Moala: bashing people up on K Rd.

James O'Connor: cock I mean coke bust. (VERY handy bench option here, covers fullback, wing, the whole fucken backline. get set for a long tenure here, shit-for-brains)

Mitchell Scott: convicted of assault.

Julian Savea: wifebeating (although upon further reading it sounds like this was an absolute nothing, might drop out if WTfWTG)

Sivivatu: domestic violence against his girlfriend/wife

Cameron Shepherd: jumping on parked cars outside the Star Casino. Needs to find more cars. A lot more cars. And maybe another casino.

Roger Randle: suspected rape

Doug Howlett: jumping on cars post world cup exit

Khunt: distributing cocaine and not offering me any at all.

Zac Guildford (naked pissing and beating up an old bloke in Rarotonga)

Wendell Sailor: failed drug test for cocaine banned for 2 years



Selectors: Aunty Doris, Aunty Raewyn from up the shops, her niece, the babysitter, the baby, and a very confused Wayne Gunston

Coach: Dan Crowley - ?

Laptop analysis: Quade Cooper - computer theft

Team Masseuse: Alan Jones – public bogs gay sex solicitation

Treasurer: Nick Farr Jones – can’t fahkin remember

Security: Doug Roake: murder, robbery, although no deaths under his watch at Richie’s wedding. Well done, shithead.

Video Analysis: Alan Jones – re; bogs film at 11

Team Bus Driver: Dan Carter – drubk driver

Groundskeeper: Tony Daly - 500 hours community service for serial theft and driving offences

Can’T recall how some of the staff ended up there. Rugby wise, looking at the starting forward pack, apart from Cecillon, they are absolutely shit. They will get abused all over the park. Fitting I suppose.
 
jimmydubs

jimmydubs

Dave Cowper (27)
Starting 9 looks soft. Maybe shouldn't be surprised, 9's are all bluff and bluster but don't live up to it.

Still there gotta be a 9 that's done more than get on the piss and annoy everyone?
 
Jon

Jon

Chris McKivat (8)
jimmydubs said:
Starting 9 looks soft. Maybe shouldn't be surprised, 9's are all bluff and bluster but don't live up to it.

Still there gotta be a 9 that's done more than get on the piss and annoy everyone?
Click to expand...

Matt henjack broke Haig Sare's jaw
 
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