redstragic
Alan Cameron (40)
Stuff all this, I am really starting to worry Mcgahan will be doing my burger industry related job as well.
Gradual Unfurling of New Wallaby Coaches
- Thread starter RedsHappy
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Stuff all this, I am really starting to worry Mcgahan will be doing my burger industry related job as well.
Bruce Ross
Ken Catchpole (46)
It’s interesting to trace the timeline of the ARU’s signing of “Totality Tony” McGahan, the man who never sleeps. “Totality” is an absolute sponge for work. At Munster Rugby he caused an industrial dispute when he took on so many additional tasks that the cleaners and canteen ladies were made redundant.
Totality joined Munster in February 2005 as Defence Coach. The following year his role was expanded to Defence/Backs/Skills Coach. This came as a complete surprise to Head Coach Declan Kidney who arrived at work one morning to find the additional roles printed on Totality’s office door. The sign writing had been quite professionally done by – you’re ahead of me here - Totality himself.
Declan Kidney was even more surprised in July 2008 to find that Totality had taken over the Head Coach’s office and had issued a memo saying that Kidney’s services were no longer required. This caused a degree of consternation and embarrassment which was resolved in typical Irish fashion by shoving Declan upstairs to coach the national side.
Fast forward to the present and let’s have a look at how we managed to snare the great man. Last Friday, the 23rd, the Irish Times confirmed rumours circulating in the Republic weeks earlier that Totality would be heading back to Australia to be coaching co-ordinator for the Wallabies. They even managed to snatch a few moments in his busy day to get a direct quote:
The “strong administrative side” caused some head scratching until I was told that Totality had volunteered to fill in for JO’N when he travels overseas to lobby for the CEO role at the IRB. Given JO’N’s standing among the other member unions these visits may be frequent.
Two days later Greg Growden picked up on the story in the Sydney Morning Herald:
So the situation is that some months ago the Board of the ARU commissioned an “end-of-season review” into our World Cup performance or lack thereof. Some weeks or more ago someone implemented the main recommendation of the Report by negotiating with Totality Tony. Unconfirmed reports indicate that he drew up his contract himself and when it came to the section headed Duty Statement he simply wrote, “The totality of it”.
After all this had been implemented and the Report’s contents leaked to some of the great minds of world rugby such as Greg Growden, an ARU Board meeting was convened so that the members could consider what they had commissioned and paid for.
Staff at the ARU always know when there is a meeting of the Board because invariably a message blares from a loud hailer – the PA system at Command HQ having gone on the blink some years ago – “Try to make it look like you’re doing some work. The Mushroom Club is coming in.” I don’t know why the Board is known as the Mushroom Club but apparently it always provokes giggling.
Robbie Deans apparently expressed concern about his own role in the new setup but was reassured by Totality: “Just keep doing what you've been doing until I sort it out.”
So the solution to the problem of having a Head Coach who is a “one-man band” is to now have a “one-man orchestra” alongside the “one-man band”.
.
Totality joined Munster in February 2005 as Defence Coach. The following year his role was expanded to Defence/Backs/Skills Coach. This came as a complete surprise to Head Coach Declan Kidney who arrived at work one morning to find the additional roles printed on Totality’s office door. The sign writing had been quite professionally done by – you’re ahead of me here - Totality himself.
Declan Kidney was even more surprised in July 2008 to find that Totality had taken over the Head Coach’s office and had issued a memo saying that Kidney’s services were no longer required. This caused a degree of consternation and embarrassment which was resolved in typical Irish fashion by shoving Declan upstairs to coach the national side.
Fast forward to the present and let’s have a look at how we managed to snare the great man. Last Friday, the 23rd, the Irish Times confirmed rumours circulating in the Republic weeks earlier that Totality would be heading back to Australia to be coaching co-ordinator for the Wallabies. They even managed to snatch a few moments in his busy day to get a direct quote:
“I’ll run the whole training programme while the national side is in Test-match mode from June to December and also run the programme and the players back in their provinces from January through to June.
“So I’ll be dealing with the totality of the strength and conditioning, the medical, the rugby side of things, strategy, the review, preview of the game itself and also the individuals.
“It’s a coaching co-ordinator role I’m going back for and it’s an exciting role. The coaching side of it is one I’m very keen to continue but also there’s a strong administrative side of the programme ..."
The “strong administrative side” caused some head scratching until I was told that Totality had volunteered to fill in for JO’N when he travels overseas to lobby for the CEO role at the IRB. Given JO’N’s standing among the other member unions these visits may be frequent.
Two days later Greg Growden picked up on the story in the Sydney Morning Herald:
“THE Australian Rugby Union's review of the Wallabies flawed World Cup campaign will lead to sweeping changes, including two new assistant coaches, understood to be former Test prop Andrew Blades and Munster coach Tony McGahan.
“The ARU board was presented yesterday with a 2011 ''end-of-season review'', which was prepared by four ARU directors - all former Wallabies - Michael Hawker, Brett Robinson, Mark Connors and John Eales.
“One of the recommendations of the review was to significantly bolster the Australian coaching staff, where it was seen that Deans was often a ‘one-man band’.”
So the situation is that some months ago the Board of the ARU commissioned an “end-of-season review” into our World Cup performance or lack thereof. Some weeks or more ago someone implemented the main recommendation of the Report by negotiating with Totality Tony. Unconfirmed reports indicate that he drew up his contract himself and when it came to the section headed Duty Statement he simply wrote, “The totality of it”.
After all this had been implemented and the Report’s contents leaked to some of the great minds of world rugby such as Greg Growden, an ARU Board meeting was convened so that the members could consider what they had commissioned and paid for.
Staff at the ARU always know when there is a meeting of the Board because invariably a message blares from a loud hailer – the PA system at Command HQ having gone on the blink some years ago – “Try to make it look like you’re doing some work. The Mushroom Club is coming in.” I don’t know why the Board is known as the Mushroom Club but apparently it always provokes giggling.
Robbie Deans apparently expressed concern about his own role in the new setup but was reassured by Totality: “Just keep doing what you've been doing until I sort it out.”
So the solution to the problem of having a Head Coach who is a “one-man band” is to now have a “one-man orchestra” alongside the “one-man band”.
.
POSSIBLE WORK SHEET FOR TONY
Rotating the Chardonnay bottles in JO'N's wine fridge to make sure they are perfectly matched by palate to his lunch, and by honeyed tones to his ties.
Making sure JO'C's hair appointments are locked in, especially on tour as you just never know what products they use in Dunedin or Bloemfontein.
Running through Robbie's speeches to make sure he nods in the appropriate awkward pauses to emphasise the point he just hasn't made.
Resizing the headset Jim Williams used for post-oranges insights so it doesn't fall off the next melon that inherits it. Tony's head might be a perfect fit though.
Getting in the low GI pies for Salesi.
Setting up the cardboard backdrops after matches and making sure the Fox Sports desk is in the right corner of the field.
Testing Anthem singers a la Deltra Goodrem, Seal and Keith Urban with his back turned so he can feel the patriotic fervour and not be distracted by tits or bad teeth.
There may be more.
Rotating the Chardonnay bottles in JO'N's wine fridge to make sure they are perfectly matched by palate to his lunch, and by honeyed tones to his ties.
Making sure JO'C's hair appointments are locked in, especially on tour as you just never know what products they use in Dunedin or Bloemfontein.
Running through Robbie's speeches to make sure he nods in the appropriate awkward pauses to emphasise the point he just hasn't made.
Resizing the headset Jim Williams used for post-oranges insights so it doesn't fall off the next melon that inherits it. Tony's head might be a perfect fit though.
Getting in the low GI pies for Salesi.
Setting up the cardboard backdrops after matches and making sure the Fox Sports desk is in the right corner of the field.
Testing Anthem singers a la Deltra Goodrem, Seal and Keith Urban with his back turned so he can feel the patriotic fervour and not be distracted by tits or bad teeth.
There may be more.
suckerforred
Chilla Wilson (44)
Ahh Bruce.... Do you do stand-up anywhere? People are starting to become suspicious when they come into my office and find me giggling at my desk.
RedsHappy
Tony Shaw (54)
suckerforred, do always remember though that the subject matter here lends itself perfectly to Bruce's crafts. As he has said with all humility in his Part 1 opener above, you could not invent this material if you tried.
Langthorne
Phil Hardcastle (33)
It is a black kind of humour, this thread.
Jnor
Peter Fenwicke (45)
Something to do with being kept in the dark and fed shit? But you knew that already Bruce
RedsHappy
Tony Shaw (54)
Frankly, it's both extraordinary and hilarious that McGahan could be freely announcing his ARU job description from Ireland, and yet here we have today the ARU saying 'it's all still being negotiated'.
Does this mean Totality is aiming for even bigger responsibilities than outlined in the Irish Times last week? Or that the whole situation is causing consternation and unforeseen complexities in St Leonards? Highly unusual for a top appointee to be publicly announcing his arrival but where the employer indicates 'nothing's settled yet'. But, oh well, this is the ARU.
Btw, GAGR has yet again led the conventional media around the park here. Payton's story is days behind ours, and clearly has pinched our pick up of this important stuff (for Aus rugby) and given no attribution to GAGR whatsoever.
Does this mean Totality is aiming for even bigger responsibilities than outlined in the Irish Times last week? Or that the whole situation is causing consternation and unforeseen complexities in St Leonards? Highly unusual for a top appointee to be publicly announcing his arrival but where the employer indicates 'nothing's settled yet'. But, oh well, this is the ARU.
Btw, GAGR has yet again led the conventional media around the park here. Payton's story is days behind ours, and clearly has pinched our pick up of this important stuff (for Aus rugby) and given no attribution to GAGR whatsoever.
The Red Baron
Chilla Wilson (44)
Maybe the ARU is aiming for something similar to the 8 man leadership group at the Tahs.... Rather than head coach and coaching co-ordinator, they should call them co-coaches. Think of it like parents.
Bruce Ross
Ken Catchpole (46)
I'm a little surprised, RH, that the mainstream media haven't yet picked up on the wealth of detail we've been able to unearth about Totality's history with Munster as well as some of the additional functions he's likely to perform in his new role.
I can't speak for the forum administrators but my impression is that they would raise no objection to other media picking up on our scoops so long as there was appropriate attribution to G&GR.
With regard to the ARU's statement that "the (negotiation) process has not been concluded", could it be that the Board is being precious and wants to be updated before sign off? That of course would be both ridiculous and unnecessary as the appointment of a coaching co-ordinator to coach the Head Coach is hardly the sort of thing that would usually be brought to the attention of a Board. In any case they have reportedly had a chance - belatedly I admit - to see the end-of-season report they had commissioned, which is more than the rest of us are likely to have. I'm told that they had to hand back the copies after they had a look at them. It's this constant attention to detail that ensures that the ARU is totally leak proof.
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RedsHappy
Tony Shaw (54)
Just as an add-on to this thread: others may be ahead of me, but I have seen various online snippets that Ashley Jones, an Aussie S&C Trainer with the Crusaders, has been appointed as S&C Coach of the Wallabies. Pieces such as this Jones promo that is up to date and states that Jones is now actually 'with the Wallabies '(don't know if that's correct):
http://www.physioprofessor.com/wpblog/?p=61
http://www.physioprofessor.com/wpblog/?p=61
Bruce Ross
Ken Catchpole (46)
Yes, RH, my understanding is that he is already on board, although this may have been superseded by the news from Ireland. We will have to try to find out the totality of his role.
I have been tracking Ashley's career and ideas for years. He is an outstanding get for Robbie and for the Wallabies. Roll on physical imposition rugby. We've wasted a lot of years exploring the alternative.
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I have been tracking Ashley's career and ideas for years. He is an outstanding get for Robbie and for the Wallabies. Roll on physical imposition rugby. We've wasted a lot of years exploring the alternative.
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Bruce Ross
Ken Catchpole (46)
Totally unnecessary I would have thought, Scarfie. The logical approach would be to ask Totality if there are any jobs he doesn't intend to do. Assuming there are some, they could be divided up among the blokes he is going to be co-ordinating. Piece of piss really.
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The Red Baron
Chilla Wilson (44)
Does anyone know if Totality will be running for the seat of South Brisbane in the by-election? Perfect opportunity to give him some political clout when dealing with the ARU...
Bruce Ross
Ken Catchpole (46)
I think we have a winner, cyclo. "Partialities" is a bell ringer.
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