Let us be absolutely clear about it: Gina Rinehart, Andrew Forrest and Clive Palmer are truly wonderful human beings and any criticism of them is motivated purely by The Politics Of Envy and Old-fashioned Class Warfare.
The truth of this statement is shown by the fact that all three are obscenely rich. If it were not for this irrefutable evidence of virtue it might be possible to see them as thugs, bullies and raving ratbags, but their wealth redeems all.
They are utterly above censure, especially by socialistic peasants such as Treasurer Wayne Swan, whose mewling diatribes are no more than The Politics of Envy and Old-fashioned Class Warfare directed against those whose well-polished Gucci footwear he is not fit to lick. Indeed, Swan's essay in The Monthly denouncing the Holy Trinity as a threat to democracy is not just subversive but almost blasphemous: just ask Tony Abbott as he leads his choristers (Gerard, Janet, Piers, Miranda, Andrew, Alan, Ray, old uncle Paul Kelly and all) in an unfortunately forgotten verse of the grand old hymn, All Things Bright and Beautiful:
"The rich man in his castle,
The poor man at his gate;
God made them high and lowly,
He ordered their estate."
So that proves it.
But what makes Swan's outburst not just another instance of The Politics of Envy and Old-fashioned Class Warfare but almost an act of treason is the fact that Rinehart, Forrest and Palmer (praised be their names) are not just billionaires, but mining billionaires - the gallant, selfless entrepreneurs who saved the nation during the Global Financial Crisis. Well, didn't they?
Well no, actually; according to Treasury figures during the nine months of the GFC, mining contributed just 0.1 per cent of growth to the economy; agriculture and manufacturing each contributed three times as much. And the miners sacked more people than any other sector: if all employers had shed jobs at the same rate unemployment would have ended up at 9.7 per cent, not 5.4 per cent. What actually saved the economy was Kevin Rudd's now reviled stimulus package, which kept Australia's economy in the black as the rest of the world slid into the red.
But the good news is that the miners continued to make profits. Sure, most of them went overseas, but we mustn't be parochial. And this is where we come back to the true altruism, wonder and beauty of Gina, Twiggy and Clive, as we may dare to call them, because they are actually our own people - they are Australians. And that means that when they rape and pillage, devastate and plunder our resources the profits stay here - apart from those that they spend on luxury imports, or overseas holidays, or other minor trinkets to reward their selfless efforts as they continue to be the driving force of our economy. Well, aren't they?
Well no, actually: mining employs less than 2 per cent of the work force compared to 3 per cent in agriculture and 9 per cent each in manufacturing and building; by far the largest employer is the services sector. And mining in 2010 contributed less than 5 per cent to Australia's Gross Domestic Product; even back in 1900 it was worth 10 per cent. Not really such a big player at all.
What the mining industry is really good at is making profits for itself: in 2010 mining profits totalled 33.4 per cent, compared to just 6.5 per cent for manufacturing. Of course, to do so much as raise one's eyebrows at these figures is to indulge in The Politics of Envy and Old-fashioned Class Warfare.
And it should not be forgotten that riches bring their own problems. As one letter writer to the Sydney Morning Herald explained to bemused readers a few years ago, the reason the rich need more money than the poor is that they have greater expenses. Indeed: very few of the poor face the costs associated with maintaining ocean going yachts, private Lear jets, holiday houses on the French Riviera, and the other necessities of life associated with the likes of Rinehart, Forrest and Palmer.
So fortunately an understanding government has come to their aid, and, reasonably enough, the struggling miners are right up there at the front of the queue; to deny them their rightful position would be no more than The Politics of Envy and Old-fashioned Class Warfare. The total value of the subsidies they receive is hard to quantify, but it can be said that in 2009-10 export grants, the diesel fuel rebate, apprentice subsidies and a few other bits and pieces ran out at over $1.1 billion. This is more than $200 million more than manufacturing, which you will recall employs far more people for far less profit, and is regularly lambasted for demanding protection, received in the same period.
But the miners give it all back in tax; I mean, they're always whingeing about taxes and Tony Abbott says he'll repeal the great big new Resources Rent Tax, so they must be paying heaps. Well, mustn't they?
Well no, actually. The miners get a tax break just about every time they breathe. All exploration, all development and operation of sites, transport, environmental measures including rehabilitation, 125 per cent on research and development, fuel tax credits and plenty more, probably including the cost of their anti-government advertising, are deductions. Twiggy Forrest, the fourth richest person in Australia and the 173rd richest person in the world, say he has not yet paid any tax at all on his mining interests; but he plans to this year, the cheque is practically in the mail – unless, of course, his accountants can find a way out.
And in any case, he contributes to charity: why, he has found jobs for quite a lot of the Aborigines whose land he has appropriated for mining. And Palmer donates heaps to the Liberal and National parties, and even Rinehart, the richest of them all, might be a bit mean with her kids but spends a fortune on lawyers and has even bought a slice of the Channel Ten and Fairfax media empires - now that's showing real concern for the needy.
So let's have no more of The Politics of Envy and Old-fashioned Class Warfare; let's all get up to date and be truly Aspirational. And let's start by eating the rich. There's an Aspiration worth having.
