Shore v Joeys @ Stirling Bridge (Return of the Sith)
(I will try and do as many pre game reviews as possible but for round 1 this will be my only one. Similar to last season I have gone with a Star Wars theme, more information about these pre and post game reviews to come)
Long, long ago in a galaxy not so far away.
The darkness descends on Round 1 at Stirling Bridge. The Force is disrupted.
The Jedi Order — fondly referred to by some as Shore School — once towered in defiance, defeating the Sith Empire in a titanic battle on Old Boys Day. But there would never be peace. Now, from the outermost edges of the galaxy, the Joeys' Sith Lords resurface, clothed in vengeance, greater, more elegant. and utterly ruthless.
And as the Death Star looms in orbit over Stirling Bridge, the question remains: will the Jedi stand strong, or fall to red sabers?
Matchups of Destiny
Frape vs Ghattas (7)
"The Dog vs The Darth"
In strides Ghattas — first of his name, a veteran of the Jedi Trials from the GPS 1s, a Sith general battle-hardened by the stars of his past battles. Last year's defeat to Shore still vexes his battle-hardened heart. Revenge courses through his veins.
But emerging from the shadows is a new hope: Frape — the kelpie-like warrior called only by bad luck, as Reardon goes down wounded. Big Frapey, they say, has the most 'dog' in him of anyone at the Jedi Temple. He battles not for renown, but because it is his fate. His heart burns with wild fire.
Experience or heart?
Power or purpose?
Only the Force shall decide.
Clout vs Taumoepeau (8)
"The Colossus of the Outer Rim vs The Gen Blue Enforcer"
A fight so monumental, the stars tremble.
Clout — Wellington's giant, carved out of rock and national fibre. No bells, no tremors. He will fight to the last whistle howls into space.
But standing in his path is Justice Taumoepeau — a Sith forged in the proving grounds of high-level conflict. Gen Blue. Australia U16s. GPS 1s. A commander's wet dream, a combat veteran of infinite interstellar skirmishes.
Clout is rumored to fight like a rancor. Justice, however, is a Jedi hunter. To survive, Shore will need a bout of unadulterated DOG.
Francis vs O'Connor (13)
"Forbes Ferrari vs Havens Pastures Greek God''
The Jedi Captain, Francis, or the Forbes Ferrari, as he's so-called, is ready to battle with a wounded heart. A pre-season of loss has ignited something wicked — something powerful. He's tired of being weak. He wants the throne.
But the Sith create a gladiator of style and steel: O'Connor, a creature carved by the Gods themselves. A marble body, Wallaby agility. He doesn't play — he dances, he floats. And when he hits you, you fall.
Can the Ferrari reach top gear and derail the Empire war train?
Or will Shore's dreams be swept away in a tide of O'Connor's command?
Dalmeida vs Minto (15)
The Ghost of Jai vs The Youngling Prodigy"
Where Jai Callaghan once held court, there emerges Dalmeida, cloaked in the sacred No. 15 jersey. It is a heavy burden — at least until the master returns. When he does, he may find himself reduced to the bench.
But he's not going quietly.
Having tasted victory last year when they took the Col Windon Shield, Dalmeida now yearns for the Schools Challenge Shield. It is more than an assignment. It is survival.
On his left is an unusual sight — Minto, the child prophesied, still in Year 10 but with a sword worthy of knights. Bright his future, though, is today's battle. To beat today's premiers would ignite his legend among the stars.
It will not be youth vs age. It is fire vs fire.
Tuck Shop (Mos Eisley Cantina of the GPS)
And now, the rumor murmurs of the Tuck Shop. The JOKER awaits.
The Shore mums, renowned for their meat pies, went about feeding the masses once again. Some say they produce the best provisions in the entire GPS quadrant. Others believe in the myth.
This year, the pies have not yet been tasted by this humble author. The hopes are high — perhaps impossible. But if the past is any guide, they will not fail. The Force is strong in those kitchens.
Failure would be. unthinkable.
But trust in the mums. They will not disappoint us.
Prediction: The Will of the Force
Joeys. The Sith. The Empire. They're rolling across the galaxy like a star destroyer that can't be stopped. A good war machine of experience, built on seasons of pain and hunger. They've found cohesion, their fragments meshing together.
Shore? They're still learning the Holocrons. Callaghan and Bassingthwaite — two of their finest Jedi — are still in the healing tanks. The puzzle's unfinished.
All of the Coruscant gamblers are backing Joeys. And they ought to.
But not I, the Wiseman.
I go a different way.
I go with faith.
I go with the Force.
Shore by 5 Wookiee Cookies.
(Rumor has it if they win they will be at the snowy place of The Hoth if you know what I mean)
May the Tuck Shop be with you, always.
Yours in sporting reason, A sane observer
- Wiseman
