Auckland Blues To Infinity and Beyond

[Dismal Pillock]

 

[lou75]

Looking at the new three conference draw I see that the Blues do not get off easy with their SA games whereas the other four NZ teams all get the Bulls - that is harsh, but possibly all wins for them - Blues however must face the NZ champions from last year which the Chiefs do not. Further, looking at the finals , this year the Blues could score a place since the formula has changed so that the conference leaders are in along with five other wildcards based on rankings and not designated to any particular conference. Looking forward to the Blues showing some consistency this year, though the start of the draw would be a challenge, three NZ and three SA matches before any joy from the Aust conference, but that should be the start of a winning streak for the Blues - imho and best wishes for the season

 

[Dismal Pillock]

 

[Dismal Pillock]

2018 Schedule

1 Bye. Oh great, so the Blues miss Round 1 points and start the fucken season at week 2 already dead last in the NZ conference. Great. Just fucken great. Season ruined before they even take the fucken field. Why am I not surprised.

2 vs Highlanders AWAY. Oh God not these bastards again. Blues don't like these well-drilled organised teams with their solid team culture & close bonds of comraderie. It confuses them. L.

3 vs Chiefs HOME. surely the Blues can kickstart their home campaign by taking advantage of the Chiffs depleted ranks to eke out a rare fucken win. Actually I predict a Polynesian b-ball jailbreak win for the Blues here. Man the ramparts, open the floodgates, praise the lord and set phasers to WFT. W

4 vs Lions AWAY. oh shit, these fuckers. The sister kissing mummy mummy we don't WANT to play the big bad NZ teams this season lot. And again, I see they stawt the season with 6 of their first 8 games at home at Ellis Pawk ooops hold the phones, bad luck wankers, I also see the Cantabs, Canes and Landers on your schedule for this season. L.

5 vs Stormers AWAY. it'll probably piss down. Blues don't do wet weather rugby. Or hot weather rugby. L

6 Bye. flight home from Cape Town delayed 3 days after Ofa goes missing. Finally found sitting atop Table Mountain. He thought there would be food up there

7 vs. Sharks HOME. colossal no-fucks-given match up. W.

8 vs Chiefs AWAY. Chiffs will have sorted their shit out by this stage and avenge week 3 loss. L.

9 vs Sunwolves AWAY. in April this time so no repeat of the 40 degree capitulation from last season. Revenge match. Blood in the bukkake queue. W.

10 vs Highlanders HOME. Shit, AGAIN? Why? Why do we have to play these pricks every fucken season? L

11 vs Jaguares HOME. oh great these tuff guys and their macho man scrum shunt oops um guyz there goes Melani Nanai and the Duffman tearing off upfield. W

12 vs Warratahs AWAY. NSFW will be riven by their usual overwrought hand-wringing turmoil by this stage of the season. W

13 vs Hurricanes HOME. 4 of the last 6 matches are vs Canes and Cantabs. TIME TO START COMING INTO SOME FORM TO GEAR UP FOR YOUR RUN AT THE PLAYOFFS LADS OH SHIT L

14 vs Crusaders HOME. god here they come. and again. and again. L

15 Bye. another fucked season almost done, currently won 5 lost 8, once again anchored to bottom of NZ conference. Tana, let's schedule a "training run" at Cornwall Park and take some mushrooms

16 vs Rebels HOME. woah those hallucinogens last week really loosened shit up. finally, an easy fucken W.

17 vs Reds HOME. woohoo another aussie team! Mushrooms for everyone! W

18 vs Hurricanes AWAY. back to earth with a brain-scouring bump. U-G-L-Y. L

19 vs Crusaders AWAY. god but it is a fucken freak show down here. L

 

[lou75]

7 Wins may not be enough to make the finals and I sorely hope for the Blues to be there this year. Will have to defeat more NZ teams, possibly the home games. Agree largely with the defeat of the Aussie conference teams - unlucky not to have the Bulls in the schedule for you guys.

 

[zer0]

As you say, game #5 could easily be decided by the weather. So I'll be optimistic and say it'll be sunny and we'll smite the bastards. That edges Tana's drinks cabinet one match closer to the playoffs. I'm also going to say that the Chiefs will suffer without Rennie, so will chalk up game #8 as a win on those grounds. Nine wins. That being the case, game #10 could be winnable off a four match winning streak and playing at home. Ten wins and f*ck you, it's party at Tana's house, because we should be off to the playoffs for the first time since Charles Darwin wrote a blog about visiting some South American islands.

Of course, following the emptying of Tana's drinks cabinet and the copious consumption of both recreational substances and buckets of KFC at said party, we'll forget that there's a playoff match and get smashed in the first knockout by the New England Crusaders.

 

[cyclopath]

^^^^^^^^^^^^
Braingasm ™

 

[zer0]

It only came to me in the aftermath of watching the Patriots run down the Jags in a very 2010-2015 AB's fashion. At first I was reading all the 'Muricans >200km from Boston bitching about the grim inevitability of the Patriot's crushing someone else's super bowl fairy tale. After which I came across your season predictions. That post reminded me that we had to play those Deus Vult-ing bastards twice at the back end of the season. Then it all clicked. Those 'Muricans get bitchy because the Patriots are, inevitably, a fully operational battle station by the back end of the season. I'm/we're getting bitchy about having to play the Crusaders twice at the back end of the regular season for, broadly, the same reason. Thus the unholy moniker of the "New England Crusaders" was born.

Following this theme, I guess that would also make us something like the Auckland Packers; f*cken awesome at the start, but fell off a cliff once the great coach left.

 

[Dismal Pillock]

the Auckland Packers

...... and waltz straight into a slinging torrent of vicious derogatory tems, the meat packers, the shit packers, the packer fuckwits more like. "The Blues" is evocative enough of the misery of this franchise, as the old Belle & Sebastien song went;
"I left my washing in the launderette You can put some money on it, you can place a little bet That when I see my washing The black will be grey and the white will be grey But the blues are still blue"

 

[zer0]

 

[Dismal Pillock]

nah mate just basic Blues Analytics 101.

By week 3 the 1st 5 will be bloody WARREN Gatland.

 

[zer0]

And we'll be digging Michael Jones out to play openside.

The Blues have lost another likely starter ahead of the Super Rugby season kickoff, with openside flanker Dalton Papali'i ruled out for six weeks with a hand fracture.

Following hard on the heels of the broken bone in his hand incurred by young No 10 Stephen Perofeta, Papali'i suffered his injury in the Blues' 26-14 pre-season defeat to the Hurricanes in Warkworth on Thursday.

The defection of the New Zealand Under-20s standout is a further blow for the Blues who will already be without their first-choice No 7 for the season kickoff, with Blake Gibson on the comeback trail from injury.

It's hardly an auspicious precursor to the season for Umaga and his under-pressure Blues who are desperate to fight their way out of the basement of the New Zealand conference. They have now lost their top two choices at No 10 (Perofeta and new signing Otere Black) and their likely first two picks at No 7 in Gibson and Papali'i.

https://www.stuff.co.nz/sport/rugby...es-flanker-dalton-papalii-suffers-broken-hand

 

[Hawko]

Just too inject a bit of hope (or maybe delusion) into the discussion, I reckon the Highlanders are not looking that swish yet. Its early days, but I reckon the Blues will win at least one of these derbies and maybe both. That gives them a real good chance of ending up 4th in the NZ conference and very likely at least one appearance in the finals (Away).

 

[Derpus]

^^^
How long are they saying he will be out for (Perofeta?)

 

[zer0]

Somewhere around six weeks, IIRC. So he won't be appearing until after they return from South Africa.

 

[waiopehu oldboy]

^^^^ could be 0/4 by then if last year is anything to go by.

 

[Derpus]

Legit the only thing seperating the highlanders and the blues was the rule that gets a dude who tackles a guy round the shoulders sent off.

Don't know if this is good or bad for the blues

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

 

[waiopehu oldboy]

^^^^^ yes but there's a pattern here over two seasons & counting of getting and/ or staying close without actually winning. IIRC all their derby losses have been single-digit margins as have most of their losses to non-NZ sides. It's now nearly two years to the day since they last won a derby.

 

[zer0]

Having seemingly half our NZ derbies reffed by one Ronald Mcdonald Nutbrown certainly doesn't help in that regard.

But as for the Highlanders match, playing away, against another NZ side, with half the 1st XV in Middlemore and with the aforementioned referee Ronald in charge meant it wasn't too bad an effort. I have no idea who actually started at blindside, but I don't recall seeing much of them. Missed Kaino for sure. 3rd choice openside went okay. As did Gatland who was great in the first half but went very quiet in the second. Apisai was a bit disappointing considering Parson's effort and the reputation he brought with him from Wellington. Duffie could be worth a go at fullback, and it certainly wouldn't hurt his test chances either.

F*ck that bouncing ball. Screwed us for 14 points.

 

[waiopehu oldboy]

So we're two weeks in, Bloos have picked up two losing BP's & are off to Jo'burg & Cape Town. That's not a good place to be.