Auckland Blues To Infinity and Beyond

[zer0]

Season is over. Who gives a shit. Send Moala on a barefooted penance walk from Pukekohe to Cape Reinga. Stick Rieko at centre and let him and his brother to do whatever the fuck they want. Will probably yield better results than whatever the plan was (being generous and assuming there was one) in the second half last night.

 

[cyclopath]

So we're two weeks in, Bloos have picked up two losing BP's & are off to Jo'burg & Cape Town. That's not a good place to be.

Especially if you want a shower.

 

[Dismal Pillock]

List Of NON-DEROGATORY Names For Rd 3 Losing Blues Team​

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1 Pauliasi Manu: an alderman of ill repute​

2 James Parsons: a blaggard ​

3 Ofa Tuungafasi: vegetation of an infoliate nature​

4 Patrick Tuipulotu: the son of a night siren​

5 Scott Scrafton: the spawn of a consort of a known charlatan​

6 Jimmy Tupou: a gelding​

7 Murphy Taramai: a clodpoll for which no poll is required​

8 Akira Ioane: the Mount Cook of burnt broth​

9 Augustine Pulu: a recalcitrant recidivist​

10 Bryn Gatland: a mooncalf by any sliver of darkness​

11 Rieko Ioane: Auckland Blues High Performance Centre​

12 TJ Faiane: Auckland Blues High Performance Centre​

13 George Moala: phrenology test case, exhibit A.​

14 Matt Duffie: a dunderhead if only there were a head​

15 Melani Nanai: a fellow of questionable parental lineage​

 

[Sully]

List Of NON-DEROGATORY Names For Rd 3 Losing Blues Team​

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1 Pauliasi Manu: an alderman of ill repute​

2 James Parsons: a blaggard ​

3 Ofa Tuungafasi: vegetation of an infoliate nature​

4 Patrick Tuipulotu: the son of a night siren​

5 Scott Scrafton: the spawn of a consort of a known charlatan​

6 Jimmy Tupou: a gelding​

7 Murphy Taramai: a clodpoll for which no poll is required​

8 Akira Ioane: the Mount Cook of burnt broth​

9 Augustine Pulu: a recalcitrant recidivist​

10 Bryn Gatland: a mooncalf by any sliver of darkness​

11 Rieko Ioane: Auckland Blues High Performance Centre​

12 TJ Faiane: Auckland Blues High Performance Centre​

13 George Moala: phrenology test case, exhibit A.​

14 Matt Duffie: a dunderhead if only there were a head​

15 Melani Nanai: a fellow of questionable parental lineage​

Haven't seen this game yet but this is gold.

Sent from my Pixel 2 XL using Tapatalk

 

[waiopehu oldboy]

Season is over. Who gives a shit. Send Moala on a barefooted penance walk from Pukekohe to Cape Reinga. Stick Rieko at centre and let him and his brother to do whatever the fuck they want. Will probably yield better results than whatever the plan was (being generous and assuming there was one) in the second half last night.

 

[Teh Other Dave]

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Flamign wheelchair dude etc

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They seem to have given up on #bluesallday.

 

[cyclopath]

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That guy from Flock of Seagulls has aged well.

 

[Dismal Pillock]

NATIONAL DISGRACE.

LEAKING 60 AT HOME TO THE SHAWKS. WHO JUST GOT A MASSIVE TOUCHUP LAST WEEK FROM THE REBELS.

TIME TO SHUT THE MOTHERfUCKING FRANCHISE DOWN.

Whichever direction Tana is facing at the end of that match, he may as well just keep the fuck on walking. The hapless shits are a lost cause mate, no point sullying your legacy further. Fat, unfit, disorganized, leaderless.

The Sharks are a professional rugby outfit. Matched up against such a B-grade amateur outfit, they didnt really have to do that much. WFT was that Alaistair twat doing in the coaching box with his incredibly obtuse little notebook? JUST TELL THE fluffybunnyS TO GO FOR A FUCKEN RUN DURING THE WEEK MATE. THEY CAN'T EVEN BE ARSED JOGGING BACK ONSIDE HALF THE TIME LET ALONE GETTING BACK READY FOR A FUCKEN COUNTER ATTACK. "Oh shit, the camera's on me, better draw a tiny little x in my notebook, all part of the plan as the seas part and we concede our 12th try there. X marks the spot" says fucken Alistair.

Seriously thinking about extricating myself from this fuckhead Groundhogs Day narrative. Miserable Saturdays, miserable weekend post mortems, FFS. Be healthier to go outside and walk around in the rain having a fucken cry. Maybe take up tapestry. Maybe hold up the 7-11 on a random whim. ANYTHING would be less exasperating than having an interest in this garbage shitpail of unwanted offal.

Thats it fuckit I'm not watching any more. It's not good for me fuckit NO MORE sprinting home on Fri nights from work like a bolt shot from the cock of Thor.

Plus, we get TJ.

FUCKING TJ and his sneering unwavering disdain for EVERYTHING AUCKLAND AND BLUES RELATED for 80 full minutes. Would he ever call his Cantab heroes "lame" and "pathetic"? It's beside the point if they are or not fluffybunny, would you viciously excoriate them if they were your beloved Crusaders? Just an excruciating fucken cockHEAD, DOES HE EVEN KNOW WHAT HE SOUNDS LIKE TO THE ENTIRITY OF FUCKEN AUCKLAND GET OFF THE AIR fluffybunny AND FUCK OFF BACK DOWN SOUTH instead of continuously shitting upon the well-and-truly already shat upon

 

[waiopehu oldboy]

April Fools story or, after last night, smart thinking?

"The country's national stadium is being turned into grazing for 10,000 Perendale lambs."

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=12023940

 

[waiopehu oldboy]

Hurld rugby writer (& I use that term in the broadest possible sense ) Gregor Paul has a cunning plan to fix the Bloos:

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/sport/news/article.cfm?c_id=4&objectid=12040827

TLDR: Ian Foster!

 

[zer0]

Ian Foster? Ian I-did-nothing-for-a-decade-and-my-team-won-the-thing-twice-once-I-left Foster?

Get Rob Penney back from Japan. Fire the dipstick in charge of the defence. Keep Umaga as an assistant. Promote Tom Coventry to forwards coach. Keep Afeaki as the scrum coach. Get Feeney or Spencer in as the skills coach (that's the job Spencer did with the Lions, right?).

 

[waiopehu oldboy]

^^^^^^ what I'd like to know is did Paul dream it up or is this a run it up the flagpole & see if anyone salutes type situation? Bloke does seem to be a bit of a mouthpiece these days.

 

[Dismal Pillock]

All Blacks Assistant Coach Holds Emergency Press Conference​

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--Stuff--​

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All Blacks Asistant Coach Ian Foster, having today been volunteered by the Herald to take on a coaching role with the Auckland Blues, has held an emergency press conference.​

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"There I am aboard the gravy train, eating my mid-afternoon weetbix for brekkie, just prior to hitting the chaise for some leisurely book reading, then a bit of wine before yet another day on 666 Locomotive Easy St winds down, having not been required to do a single stroke of work since that sweet euro junket last November, when I pick up the Herald ond OH SHIT, some rude writer prick is stomping up and down between the gravy train carriages, snooping around for me and yelling about volunteering me for bloody extracurricular work, and worse than that it's at the dogshit Auckland Blues team AKA the resume Death Camp train. When all I have to do here in this world's sweetest gig with the AB's is lay low up here in my tastefully-appointed front carriage, be like Steve, talk like Steve, try and get as fat as Steve, yeah baby, let that glory of the AB's winning percentage accrue on my resume in order for it to wax over my actual head coach resume, then sidle on into the head coach gig and continued tenured residence of Carriage 1, 666 Easy St, destination; paydirt."​

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"Like. Fuck. You fucken do it."​

 

[Dismal Pillock]

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Blues 0​

Jaguares: 800​

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1.Pauliasi Manu 0/10. whatever. guilty by association with this dipshit tight 5​

2. James Parsons 0/10. just drop this porcine tit-handed wobble fuck. Captain my cock.​

3. Sione Mafileo. has to play 800 minutes a game because the 2 backup props are cardboard cutouts dragged over from KFC​

4. Gerard Cowley-Tuioti. about the same size as Matt Duffie. Great. Just fucken great.​

5. Josh Goodhue. not bad for an NPC player.​

6. Jimmy Tupou. where is he?​

7. Kara Pryor. slogged away​

Dalton Papalii. uh he's listed as 95 kg. Thats the same as Matt Duffie​

8. Akira Ioane. the iron stallion has played every minute of the season and looks completely knackered. Nice one, Tana. Dry humping the golden goose has got us to 0 and 8 million.​

9. Augustine Pulu. 0/10. oh fffahhk I had forgetten how slow of thought and hand he was. Worst failing, as a supposed leader/senior/captain, he was inexplicably enabling all those shitty little doomed pick and go7s inside their own fucking HALF FOR ABOUT 3 FUCKING DAYS IN THE DRVING RAIN, YEAH, THIS SHOULD WORK, THIS'LL WIN US THE GAME, ONE OF OUR HAPLESS PUDDING DUMPLING PROP MEN WILL BUST THRU AND WADDLE 80 METRES TO SCORE, STUPID fluffybunnyS​

Jonathan Ruru. please God just pick this guy and bench Pulu​

10. Stephen Perofeta. nice job getting us downtown. WAKE UP. Like a 3rd former who's being bullied by the 4th formers ​

11. Tumua Manu. touched the ball twice but at least he didnt rush out of the line like a mental patient looking for his meds in the long grass like fucken Hyland​

12. Rieko Ioane. hey guyz lets put the worlds best winger in a Lambo and dump him in Tokyo rush hour traffic for 80 fucken minutes.​

13. Orbyn Leger. should be screaming at the drain layer outside him re;positioning but he's got too much on his plate as this is all just a bit much for him​

14. Jordan Hyland. shocking liability on D, doesnt know where to go AND THERE'S NO ONE INSIDE OF HIM TO ADVISE HIM BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL FUCKEN 3RD FORMERS​

15. Matt Duffie. coming back into some form. Hat trick coming next weekend vs NSFW​

 

[Rebelsfan]

my faith in the Blues success this season has now dropped to zero - but for the life of me, I can't understand why. They have good coaches, they have good players, yet seem unlucky - but in rugby good players make their own luck, so hence my dilemma - why are they performing so badly in comparison to other NZ teams?
I have read your response to the game, above, DP, but in simple terms, what do you have for me?
(As a Rebels supporter, I saw our team implode under McGahan in 2016 and 2017 and I saw the slow moving train wreck bring us to our knees, but you guys don't have that situation - do you?)

 

[Dismal Pillock]

why are they performing so badly in comparison to other NZ teams?

I have read your response to the game, above, DP, but in simple terms, what do you have for me?

Self Fulfilling Dogshit Prophecy over the last 10 years. The good players nationwide know the whole Blues set-up and scenario is amateur-hour rotten compared to the other 4 franchises so they go there. Ennor. Jack Goodhue ffs. Blues get the dregs. Plus look at the hordes of players once on the Blues books who come right after getting into a proper set-up with some actual organisation and team culture, Waisake Naholo, Fekitoa, even Tevita Li. AARON SMITH FFS​

 

[Inside Shoulder]

Self Fulfilling Dogshit Prophecy over the last 10 years. The good players nationwide know the whole Blues set-up and scenario is amateur-hour rotten compared to the other 4 franchises so they go there. Ennor. Jack Goodhue ffs. Blues get the dregs. Plus look at the hordes of players once on the Blues books who come right after getting into a proper set-up with some actual organisation and team culture, Waisake Naholo, Fekitoa, even Tevita Li. AARON SMITH FFS​

Auckland is the city most like Australia.
That’s the issue.

 

[zer0]

my faith in the Blues success this season has now dropped to zero - but for the life of me, I can't understand why.

It's pretty straightforward really. A massive injury toll -- that has now climbed to about 21, I think -- and easily the toughest schedule in the competition. To provide some more detail:

They have good coaches.....

Eh. Not really. Umaga is still learning and Afeaki seems to be doing well with the scrum. The defence coach is a joke. They have the guy who turned around the Chiefs pack with Rennie sitting unused in North Harbour (one of the provinces within the Blues franchise) twiddling his thumbs. He should be the forwards coach.

they have good players.....

90% of whom are injured.

yet seem unlucky.....

That tends to happen when you have to play literally half your matches against the top four sides in the competition, and only once go more than two weeks without playing one of said sides. Try building momentum from that schedule. Then compound it by having guys like Jamie Nutbrown, Professional Cantabrian (ProffCantab), officiating important matches.

I have read your response to the game, above, DP, but in simple terms, what do you have for me?

They're rolling out the third XV with comfortably the toughest schedule in the competition.

 

[jimmydubs]

But it’s only the toughest schedule because they were the shittest team in the hardest conference last year.
So my pissdalaresistance of insight “if they were less shit it’d be easier”

 

[cyclopath]

But it’s only the toughest schedule because they were the shittest team in the hardest conference last year.
So my pissdalaresistance of insight “if they were less shit it’d be easier”

This might be the best thing I've read on the Internet today.