waiopehu oldboy
Stirling Mortlock (74)
You are an evil, evil man. Keep it up!
Apparently it's a package deal, Tasesa Lavea will be the kicking coach
Auckland Blues To Infinity and Beyond
- Thread starter cyclopath
- Start date
You are an evil, evil man. Keep it up!
Apparently it's a package deal, Tasesa Lavea will be the kicking coach
Dismal Pillock
Simon Poidevin (60)
As A Man Thinketh: Spotlight on Coach Tana Umaga.
Chapter One
Thought and Character
The aphorism, "As a man thinketh in his heart so is he, not only embraces the whole of a man's being, but is so comprehensive as to reach out to every condition and circumstance of his life." This is the genesis of the infinite wisdom that Dr Umaga brings to his role as Auckland’s rugby savior. A man is literally what he thinks, his character being the complete sum of all his thoughts and Dr Umaga is the sum of the sun, the moon, of all of the suns, of all the other worlds, and of all of their orbiting cakes and biscuits.
Just another day in sunny downtown
Onehunga now that Tana is in charge.
As the plant springs from, and could not be without, the seed, so every act of a man springs from the hidden seeds of thought, and could not have appeared without them. This refers to Umaga’s pre-season training and planning regimen. In laymen’s terms, all the shit that, say, ex-coach Pat Lam never fucken did, at all, ever. This applies equally to those acts called "spontaneous" and "unpremeditated" as to those which are deliberately executed. In laymen’s terms, Umaga’s acts of unpremeditated spontaneity are deliberately executed. Think about that for a minute.
“Before, with the dipshits Kirwan, and Lam, and Nucifora, there were only rains and pestilence. Now we have waterfalls. How about we get my tap all wet, baby?”
Act is the blossom of thought, and joy and suffering are its fruits; thus the last 17 Auckland Blues seasons have been a suffering endured to garnish the joy to follow; and thus does a man garner in the sweet and bitter fruitage of his own husbandry*
*but not animal husbandry. We are not Cantabs. "The dog is all good and well but I shall not wed thee" as Tana may have once said.
Man is a growth by law, and not a creation by artifice, and cause and effect is as absolute and undeviating in the hidden realm of thought as in the world of visible and material things. If you kick the fucking thing out on the full, that is the cause, and the effect is you are Tasesa Lavea. A noble and Godlike character is not a thing of favor or chance, but is the natural result of continued effort in right thinking, the Umaga way, the effect of long-cherished association with Godlike thoughts, revolving around The Blue Day of Coronation. An ignoble and bestial character, by the same process, is the result of the continued harboring of groveling thoughts. Ergo, visa visa, the Cantab.
Tana has brought an idyllic calm, even to the mean & unwed dogtown streets of downtown Mangere.
Man is made or unmade by himself; in the armory of thought he forges the weapons by which he destroys himself. Just ask Nucifora or Kirwan. He also fashions the tools with which he builds for himself heavenly mansions of joy and strength and peace. This is what Tana does. Not that first bit.
By the right choice and true application of thought, man ascends to the Divine Perfection; AKA Gus Pulu’s godhead jailbreak try up the guts versus the dumbo Melbourne Rebels in Round 1. By the abuse and wrong application of thought, he descends below the level of the beast. See Owen Franks with his hand down his gruds, then sniffing the fucken thing. Between these two extremes are all the grades of character, and man is their maker and master. Owen doesn't HAVE to sniff it, under the monster-truck glow of the unmissing halogens. But he does.
Hold on, what the FUCK is that thing on the left?
Of all the beautiful truths pertaining to the soul which have been restored and brought to light in this age, none is more gladdening or fruitful of divine promise and confidence than this - that man is the master of thought, the molder of character, and maker and shaper of condition, environment, and destiny. That man is Tana Umaga and his destiny is a big fucking YES PLEASE.
Holy shit. Even the notoriously hard-to-please Chinese community in Howick are happy with Coach Tana.
As a being of Power, Intelligence, and Love, and the lord of his own thoughts, man, AKA, Tana, holds the key to every situation, go for the 3, take the tap, etc, and contains within himself that transforming and regenerative agency by which he may make himself what he wills. I am Wrath, I am All Worlds, I Am That Which is Wrought Upon Thee, as Tana probably says to himself when he’s on the shitter lately.
JESUS, there's the fucking thing again!
Man is always the master, even in his weakest and most abandoned state; but in his weakness and degradation he is the foolish master who misgoverns his "household" or “Super Franchise.” This refers to a couple of fuck-ups Tana may or may not have made in his first season coaching the Blues. When he begins to reflect upon his condition, and to search diligently for the Law upon which his being is established, he then becomes the wise master, directing his energies with intelligence, and fashioning his thoughts to fruitful issues, like getting rid of shitty players. Such is the conscious master, and man can only thus become by discovering within himself the laws of thought; which discovery is totally a matter of application, talking into the little mouthpiece to get a message to the sidelines, self-analysis, and experience. In summary, that is now, in 2017, for the aligned planets have foretold it Thus spake Zarathustra, etc, etc.
Oh shit, wrong picture, never mind this guy.
Hans from Austria, if you must know.
Only by much searching and mining are gold and diamonds obtained – in laymen’s terms this is known as Tana getting pricks in from Counties Manukau - and man can find every truth connected with his being if he will dig deep into the mine of his soul. And that he is the maker of his character, the molder of his life, and the builder of his destiny, he may unerringly prove: that he will watch from the coaches box, control, and alter his thoughts, tracing their effects upon himself, upon others, and upon his life and circumstances; if he will link cause and effect, yes, even the Tasesa Lavea Effect, by patient practice and investigation, utilizing his every experience, even to the most trivial, whether Prattley is even awake on the fucken bench down there, as a means of obtaining that knowledge of himself. The mantra shall be “let’s get the f**kin thing downtown”, in this direction, as in no other, is the law absolute that "He that seeketh the tryline findeth; and to him that does not knocketh-on, it shall be opened"; for only by patience, practice, and ceaseless importunity can a man – Tana – get these useless pricks to their first fucken Super Rugby title since before baby Adam was shitting fucken goatmilk.
Chapter One
Thought and Character
The aphorism, "As a man thinketh in his heart so is he, not only embraces the whole of a man's being, but is so comprehensive as to reach out to every condition and circumstance of his life." This is the genesis of the infinite wisdom that Dr Umaga brings to his role as Auckland’s rugby savior. A man is literally what he thinks, his character being the complete sum of all his thoughts and Dr Umaga is the sum of the sun, the moon, of all of the suns, of all the other worlds, and of all of their orbiting cakes and biscuits.
Just another day in sunny downtown
Onehunga now that Tana is in charge.
As the plant springs from, and could not be without, the seed, so every act of a man springs from the hidden seeds of thought, and could not have appeared without them. This refers to Umaga’s pre-season training and planning regimen. In laymen’s terms, all the shit that, say, ex-coach Pat Lam never fucken did, at all, ever. This applies equally to those acts called "spontaneous" and "unpremeditated" as to those which are deliberately executed. In laymen’s terms, Umaga’s acts of unpremeditated spontaneity are deliberately executed. Think about that for a minute.
“Before, with the dipshits Kirwan, and Lam, and Nucifora, there were only rains and pestilence. Now we have waterfalls. How about we get my tap all wet, baby?”
Act is the blossom of thought, and joy and suffering are its fruits; thus the last 17 Auckland Blues seasons have been a suffering endured to garnish the joy to follow; and thus does a man garner in the sweet and bitter fruitage of his own husbandry*
*but not animal husbandry. We are not Cantabs. "The dog is all good and well but I shall not wed thee" as Tana may have once said.
Man is a growth by law, and not a creation by artifice, and cause and effect is as absolute and undeviating in the hidden realm of thought as in the world of visible and material things. If you kick the fucking thing out on the full, that is the cause, and the effect is you are Tasesa Lavea. A noble and Godlike character is not a thing of favor or chance, but is the natural result of continued effort in right thinking, the Umaga way, the effect of long-cherished association with Godlike thoughts, revolving around The Blue Day of Coronation. An ignoble and bestial character, by the same process, is the result of the continued harboring of groveling thoughts. Ergo, visa visa, the Cantab.
Tana has brought an idyllic calm, even to the mean & unwed dogtown streets of downtown Mangere.
Man is made or unmade by himself; in the armory of thought he forges the weapons by which he destroys himself. Just ask Nucifora or Kirwan. He also fashions the tools with which he builds for himself heavenly mansions of joy and strength and peace. This is what Tana does. Not that first bit.
By the right choice and true application of thought, man ascends to the Divine Perfection; AKA Gus Pulu’s godhead jailbreak try up the guts versus the dumbo Melbourne Rebels in Round 1. By the abuse and wrong application of thought, he descends below the level of the beast. See Owen Franks with his hand down his gruds, then sniffing the fucken thing. Between these two extremes are all the grades of character, and man is their maker and master. Owen doesn't HAVE to sniff it, under the monster-truck glow of the unmissing halogens. But he does.
Hold on, what the FUCK is that thing on the left?
Of all the beautiful truths pertaining to the soul which have been restored and brought to light in this age, none is more gladdening or fruitful of divine promise and confidence than this - that man is the master of thought, the molder of character, and maker and shaper of condition, environment, and destiny. That man is Tana Umaga and his destiny is a big fucking YES PLEASE.
Holy shit. Even the notoriously hard-to-please Chinese community in Howick are happy with Coach Tana.
As a being of Power, Intelligence, and Love, and the lord of his own thoughts, man, AKA, Tana, holds the key to every situation, go for the 3, take the tap, etc, and contains within himself that transforming and regenerative agency by which he may make himself what he wills. I am Wrath, I am All Worlds, I Am That Which is Wrought Upon Thee, as Tana probably says to himself when he’s on the shitter lately.
JESUS, there's the fucking thing again!
Man is always the master, even in his weakest and most abandoned state; but in his weakness and degradation he is the foolish master who misgoverns his "household" or “Super Franchise.” This refers to a couple of fuck-ups Tana may or may not have made in his first season coaching the Blues. When he begins to reflect upon his condition, and to search diligently for the Law upon which his being is established, he then becomes the wise master, directing his energies with intelligence, and fashioning his thoughts to fruitful issues, like getting rid of shitty players. Such is the conscious master, and man can only thus become by discovering within himself the laws of thought; which discovery is totally a matter of application, talking into the little mouthpiece to get a message to the sidelines, self-analysis, and experience. In summary, that is now, in 2017, for the aligned planets have foretold it Thus spake Zarathustra, etc, etc.
Oh shit, wrong picture, never mind this guy.
Hans from Austria, if you must know.
Only by much searching and mining are gold and diamonds obtained – in laymen’s terms this is known as Tana getting pricks in from Counties Manukau - and man can find every truth connected with his being if he will dig deep into the mine of his soul. And that he is the maker of his character, the molder of his life, and the builder of his destiny, he may unerringly prove: that he will watch from the coaches box, control, and alter his thoughts, tracing their effects upon himself, upon others, and upon his life and circumstances; if he will link cause and effect, yes, even the Tasesa Lavea Effect, by patient practice and investigation, utilizing his every experience, even to the most trivial, whether Prattley is even awake on the fucken bench down there, as a means of obtaining that knowledge of himself. The mantra shall be “let’s get the f**kin thing downtown”, in this direction, as in no other, is the law absolute that "He that seeketh the tryline findeth; and to him that does not knocketh-on, it shall be opened"; for only by patience, practice, and ceaseless importunity can a man – Tana – get these useless pricks to their first fucken Super Rugby title since before baby Adam was shitting fucken goatmilk.
waiopehu oldboy
Stirling Mortlock (74)
Post of the year, hands down. Possibly of any year. Perfect blend of zen & gonzo, yin & fuck yeah. I'm almost ready to believe. Almost (must be the Cantab in me ).
EDIT: yes, saulityvi, I think he's just fine & dandy in those "mean & unwed dogtown streets of downtown Mangare" & "sunny downtown Onehunga (where the broken town clock is right twice a day, every day, without fail)". Just don't wake him up, mkay?
).EDIT: yes, saulityvi, I think he's just fine & dandy in those "mean & unwed dogtown streets of downtown Mangare" & "sunny downtown Onehunga (where the broken town clock is right twice a day, every day, without fail)". Just don't wake him up, mkay?
Micheal
Nicholas Shehadie (39)
He has ascended.
waiopehu oldboy
Stirling Mortlock (74)
So last night we got some Polynesian b-ball & a coupla Paremoremo jailbreaks. Today we get the "All Hail King Tana". When can we expect the "WFT happened to our season?"
Called it, you did
waiopehu oldboy
Stirling Mortlock (74)
I didn't see the game but reading the initial reports I may have been a tad harsh, sounds like Bloos were well in it at 9-15 until Luatua's brain explosion (clear red, even without the latest WR (World Rugby) directives IMO) & dominated the final quarter after their AB-laden bench came on.
zer0
Jim Lenehan (48)
Didn't see the match either, but this also seems to be the case to me. 41-9 after 55 minutes, out come the AB's who are followed by:
60th minute, try Faumuina, 41-14
66th minute, try Tuipulotu, 41-21
73rd minute, try Ranger, 41-26
Given Luatua's HT red card, sending out Kaino and the lads at the ~45th minute might've been a better idea.
lou75
Ron Walden (29)
all credit to the blues for staying in it after losing a man with 40 minutes to go - 41-26 looks bad, but the blowout could have been so much worse - the blues knew it, and dug deep - the Chiefs were strategically, tactically and operationally better in just about every thing they did. They have set a new benchmark for excellence, and barring injuries during the season - awesome game all up.
waiopehu oldboy
Stirling Mortlock (74)
I'd give West one more crack Seriously, though, how good could next week be if Tana & Razor both wheel out all the big guns available to them. Just hoping the Clan don't damage any of my lot tonight.
Seriously, though, how good could next week be if Tana & Razor both wheel out all the big guns available to them. Just hoping the Clan don't damage any of my lot tonight.
Dismal Pillock
Simon Poidevin (60)
West hardly had a hope. The dysfunctional lineout was the loose bolt on the 747. Then once Retallick and Bird started PLAYING WITH THE FUCKING THING she was all over. Loss of cabin pressure, hypoxia, discombobulation, disintegration, the two Chiefs locks on the laughing gas, the whole 9 yards. Then a frustrated Luatua - Blues #1 lineout option – compounds matters by contracting temporary brain dysentery and fleeing down the aisle like a wailing banshee and clotheslining an air hostess. Wft.
Charlie Faumiuina managed to come on and plug his giant arse into the gaping hole in the fuselage to ensure a respectable landing in the end but the damage was long since done.
Charlie Faumiuina managed to come on and plug his giant arse into the gaping hole in the fuselage to ensure a respectable landing in the end but the damage was long since done.
The torpedo
Peter Fenwicke (45)
Dismal, you get all of us through the season.
Teh Other Dave
Alan Cameron (40)
Dismal Pillock
Simon Poidevin (60)
Week 3 and the Blues have already regressed to their status quo, that being a shambolic shartstorm of brown-trousered mummy please, mummy please, the toilet, the toilet, oh God no, too late, rectal probe bumcrack disintegration. Michael Collins at fullback? May as well have had fucken Joan Collins at fullback. He had ONE job to do, ONE FUCKING JOB; catch the fucken bombs. IT’S ALL THE HIGHLANDERS WERE EVER GOING TO DO. CATCH THE KICKS AND FORCE THEM TO GO TO PLAN B, THAT BEING RUNNING THE C**T.
Landers had NO NEED for any Plan B, no need to play any rugby football at all for the entirety of the fucken match. Just hoof it up towards the precious “x-factor” drongos and watch them blouse the whole fucken thing up. Rene Ranger? The x-factor dreads have wormed their way into his x-factor brain resulting in near-total loss of all motor functions x-fucking factor or otherwise.
Nanai carves up all 2016 at fullback so howFT does this Joan Collins prick even GET to waltz in and don the 15 jersey and then proceed to play with such anathematic arrhythmia? The usless c**t’s not even fucken NPC level.
74 handling errors, where were they practicing at all week, the fucken casino?
Oh, sorry, no, “The High Performance Centre”. GTFO
“Hey guyz let’s practice the lineout. Guyz? Is anyone even down here? It’s all pitch-black. Mummy are you there?”
Landers had NO NEED for any Plan B, no need to play any rugby football at all for the entirety of the fucken match. Just hoof it up towards the precious “x-factor” drongos and watch them blouse the whole fucken thing up. Rene Ranger? The x-factor dreads have wormed their way into his x-factor brain resulting in near-total loss of all motor functions x-fucking factor or otherwise.
Nanai carves up all 2016 at fullback so howFT does this Joan Collins prick even GET to waltz in and don the 15 jersey and then proceed to play with such anathematic arrhythmia? The usless c**t’s not even fucken NPC level.
74 handling errors, where were they practicing at all week, the fucken casino?
Oh, sorry, no, “The High Performance Centre”. GTFO
“Hey guyz let’s practice the lineout. Guyz? Is anyone even down here? It’s all pitch-black. Mummy are you there?”
Dismal Pillock
Simon Poidevin (60)
Unnamed Ex-Auckland Blues Assistant Coach Introduces Super Rugby Draft System.
--NZ Herald—
In something of a surprise development, an unnamed ex-Auckland Blues assistant coach has today introduced a Super Rugby draft system that is “effective immediately.” NZ rugby chief Steve Tew was unavailable for comment as he is currently tied up in meetings overseas regarding the future of Super Rugby.
“No, no, I didn’t wait until Tew was overseas before I implemented these changes. Pure coincidence. Unless you’re implying something boy?”
-unnamed ex-Auckland Blues assistant coach.
“Yes, the draft system is effective immediately” said the unnamed assistant. “In fact, in the interests of fairness, I have backdated it to when Carlos left I mean backdated it to a uh a random year, say, 2006, therefore, under this new system, the best player in NZ for the last 11 years is now required to report to the bottom place NZ team. I can give them all a lift to Auckland if they like I mean I can give them all a lift to the bottom placed team for the last 11 years, whoever that team might be, I really couldn’t tell you offhand, um, righto, uhhh, no more questions.”
--NZ Herald—
In something of a surprise development, an unnamed ex-Auckland Blues assistant coach has today introduced a Super Rugby draft system that is “effective immediately.” NZ rugby chief Steve Tew was unavailable for comment as he is currently tied up in meetings overseas regarding the future of Super Rugby.
“No, no, I didn’t wait until Tew was overseas before I implemented these changes. Pure coincidence. Unless you’re implying something boy?”
-unnamed ex-Auckland Blues assistant coach.
“Yes, the draft system is effective immediately” said the unnamed assistant. “In fact, in the interests of fairness, I have backdated it to when Carlos left I mean backdated it to a uh a random year, say, 2006, therefore, under this new system, the best player in NZ for the last 11 years is now required to report to the bottom place NZ team. I can give them all a lift to Auckland if they like I mean I can give them all a lift to the bottom placed team for the last 11 years, whoever that team might be, I really couldn’t tell you offhand, um, righto, uhhh, no more questions.”