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Inside the Green and Gold Rugby Network

Dismal Pillock

Simon Poidevin (60)
Gunston Nautical

Hello and Welcome to Gunston Nautical.

I am Gene Gunston, one of the Admirals of Gunston Nautical.

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My fellow admirals are Wayne Gunston, Trevor Gunston and Aunty Doris Gunston as pictured below:

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Aunty Doris Gunston.





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Wayne Gunston hahaha wanker






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Trevor Gunston

We here at Gunston Nautical are a subsidiary of Gunston Shipping; http://gunstonshipping.wix.com/ship

Gunston Nautical has a long and storied maritime history.

Gunston Nautical were founded in 2007.

Let's have a recap of some of the adventurous nautical episodes involving Gunston Nautical

Episode 27: The USS Nimrod Gunston

450 billion dollars of high-speed deep-sea nautical expertise and craftsmanship.

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"To the starboard is China. To the right is more wet shit."



















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Tastefully appointed interiors befitting the regale status of master nautilists.




















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"Steady as she goes Trevor....... steady......."















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"Report to the captains bridge immediately please Wayne, we are listing slightly to starboa












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"Got any smokes on you?"
"F*** up you ***** ugly f***ing *****."









Episode 12: The USSA Gunston

In 2007 we got an order for 850 million octopus-rooting grot mags that were needed in Tokyo **IMMEDIATELY**


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"Looking good Trevor....... yeah mate, fuckit, hiff a few more crates on there."









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"Trevor. Floor it."















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"GAHH, if even ONE of those mags falls overboard and gets into the hands of an octopus down there, the eight-cocked freaks will surely colonize the entire human race within seconds."













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"I wonder if we can use Wayne's hair as a life raft?"
"F**k off."


















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"Wow, look at all these magazines, pictures of octopuses and OH GOD NO"







Episode 18: The Gunston V8 Offroader

The fateful day Aunty Doris attempted to go through Australia instead of around the fat fucker.

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"That sand bit? Just a speed bump. Engines to power Gene-o, you fairy."











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"Stoke the furnace, put your backs into it you cross-eyed little cripples."
















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"Oh Jesus, not these Gunston clowns again"
"Aunty Doris does do a nice scone though."
"Yes, I suppose you are right there."

















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"Wayne. Trevor. Gene. You are all fired."
 

Dismal Pillock

Simon Poidevin (60)
Google InfoMercial

The 15 Richest People Of All-Time


Hi Guyz.

Xavier "X-Man" Jones here.

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Heard it on the X.

A lot of people know who the richest people are in the world right now, but their net worth's often pale in comparison to the richest people of all-time.

This list of the richest people of all-time represents less than 99.9999999999 percent of the people who have ever lived.

These numbers are adjusted for inflation.

So let's get started and take a look at the 15 richest people of all-time, starting with number 15:

#15 Bill Gates ($136 Billion)

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Bill Gates barely cracks the 1st XV with a paltry 136 billion. Bill made most of his fortune by forcing poor little black children in Africa to buy his shitty Microsoft computers. This is how history will judge Bill Gates.












#14 Cornelius Vanderbilt ($185 Billion)

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Cornelius Vanderbilt of the USA got in on the ground floor of shipbuilding in 1776 when aeroplanes were, frankly, in very short supply worldwide. Vanders then branched out into railroads and, if you'll pardon the awesome turn of phrase here, railroaded everyone in America into giving him oodles of money.



















#13 Wayne Gunston ($187 Billion)

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Incredibly, Wayne Gunston amassed his entire $187 billion fortune by stealing urinal cakes from the Redfern RSL women's toilets. He then repackaged the disinfectant pucks with a silly little colourful bow ribbon and shipped them off to Africa to be resold as candied snacks.

They are now the single most popular food on the entire African continent.
So how did Wayne get so many millions of urinal cakes out of the Redfern RSL dunnies without being noticed? It's all in the hair.
















#12 Henry Ford ($199 Billion)

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Henry Ford was like Bill Gates would be with computers: "Buy mine or I'll have you killed".
I mean, "buy mine or go on, build your own then, let's see it then smartarse, haha, you just dropped a lead camshaft right on your tinpot-brained head and died from multiple brain injuries. Ford Rules!"
























#11 Muammar Gaddafi ($200 Billion)

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Muammar Gaddafi led the petrified island state of Libya like a boss for 42 years. Respect through Fear. Reports differ as to how he actually made his money but there are persistent rumours centred around pirate ships, smuggling, the coast of Africa and urinal cakes.



















#10 William-the-Conqueror ($223 Billion)

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William was the King of England from 1066 when some heavy shit went down. Wills won The Battle of Hatings and to the victor go the spoils. He accrued his enormous fortune in a very simple manner. "I am the King. Pay me or die."

Easy. Piece of piss. No stuffing around with contracts or oil or messy negotiations or stockmarket guessing. "Death or Cash."

In later life, William died from full-blown herpes at the age of 12.






















#9 Mir Osman Ali Khan ($230 Billion)

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Mir Osman Ali Khan's family held a tremendous amount of wealth. It might today be considered something of a racial stereotype to say the family were in the Persian carpet business but they actually were in the Persian carpet business.

And business went really, really, really, REALLY well for them.

To the tune of $230 billion dollars.

Flying out the door.





Haha, I knew I could work a flying carpet gag in there somehow.













#8 Gene Gunston ($299 Billion)

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When queried as to how he managed to amass $299 billion to register as the 8th richest person who ever lived, the man himself was somewhat evasive. Finally, after a seeming eternity of him sitting there and staring into space, Gene Gunston blurted out "sell acid to the gun freaks and sell guns to the acid freaks. And sell chainsaws to everyone."

Thus spake the 8th richest person who has ever lived.





















#7 Nikolai Alexandrovich Romanov ($300 Billion)

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Nikolai was the final Emperor in the history of Russia. He was the czar and he was a bastard and he amassed his fortune by using his military to simply kill everyone and take over all their shit. "Piss off it's all ours now. All of it."

Sounds easy when you type it out like that.

Nikky blew his load in 1917 when, in the span of 3 hours and 10 minutes, with one ill-fated war too many, he somehow managed to reduce Russia from being the world?s most thriving empire to an economy equal to that of the Redfern RSL.























#6 Andrew Carnegie ($310 Billion)

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New to a budding America, Carnegie, as a 6-year old immigrant, immediately identified the cornerstones of the future economy and invested in them heavily; railroads, oil, steel, brothels and comically-large rubber sex toys.

He had amassed his entire fortune by the time he was just 9 years old and spent the remaining 81 years of his life pissing around down at the pub.





















#5 John D. Rockefeller ($340 Billion)

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Rockefeller was another flukey prick who lucked his way into oil and railroads in the brand new United States and thus had the entire populace of Jesusland "over a barrel" from the outset, if you'll pardon the awesome and devastating turn of phrase I just used there.

He died in 1862 and his moustache was buried in a separate ceremony in 1994.























#4 Trevor Gunston ($345 Billion)

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Details as to how this one perpetually-drunk bogan from Wollongong managed to acquire $345 billion dollars are sketchy at best.

Some say he still to this day traffics cadaver parts to the Silicon Valley where they are reanimated for use as stock photos on the internet.

Good business if you can get it.

Still others point to multinational petrochemical company payoffs revolving around reenacting a global warming facsimile by having enormous ozone-depleting cook-ups of dead chinamen in the middle of the family quarry.

As for the man himself, all he's saying is "piss off you c**ts, go check what's in Wayne's bloody hair."





























#3 Josef Rothschild ($350 Billion)

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Josef Rothschild opened lots and lots of banks. People deposited their money in his banks and then Josef turned around and said, "thanks but fuckyuz, I'm keeping all your money so piss off."

And he did. He just kept everyone's money. This concludes the story as to how Josef Rothschild acquired $350 billion dollars.

























#2 Mansa Musa I ($400 Billion)

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Mansa was the emperor of Mali for 25 years in the 1300's. His family cornered all the wealth in that bumhole desert region of the world. He ruled with an iron fist from Timbuktu all the way to oh who the f**k am I kidding, I know you're all dying to see who the #1 Richest of All-Time is so without further ado..............









































#1 Aunty Doris Gunston ($401 Billion)

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Yes, the #1 richest person of all-time may come as something of a surprise to a number of you. An even bigger surprise it that this little old lady, Aunty Doris Gunston, actually owns ALL of the oil rigs in the world. And thus, she owns all of the oil. "If I'm not getting it out it's f**kin' stayin' down there" she is fond of saying to visiting Middle East oil baron dignitaries. "Here, have a scone ya ugly ****** **** ******** *****s."
 

Dismal Pillock

Simon Poidevin (60)
Queensland Reds Board Reappoint Richard Graham after he promises them "unlimited access" to biggest drug warehouse in all of Australia.

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"You freaks will not believe this goddamn place. Are you high off the fumes yet? What about now? Holy shit, I think I am!"
















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"Moth-er-fuck-er! Wake and bake my mofos!"




















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"Forget the stupid rugby. I will get you all wasted instead."


















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"Haha! Get down from there! We have not even started smoking yet and you are already a stoned motherfucker!"























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"Colonel Carmichael. You can hold onto me. It's ok. We are already stoned on the future days of tomorrow. Whatever that means."
























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"Holy shit! I think I am already having a drug-addiction vision of the 2016 season! It must be the fumes! The colours! The colours!"
























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"Is our Queensland Reds flag in there? Do we even have one? What about now? Where is our flag? So high I can't see shit!"

























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"Attention, Suncorp motherfuckers! I have good news! We now have enough marijuana tobacco for all of you too! Wake and bake, my mofos! Peace out!"
























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"What the fuck. Can you drongos in the back even hear us? We smoked the whole lot last night. In the parlour. Suncorp is closed today. Go home. Poofs."
























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"So wasted right now."
"Stupid dick. The board smoked the whole season's supply of marijuana last night. We weren't even there."
"I am definitely renewing my season membership if it means more marijuana that we didn't get any of last night."


















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"I am pretending Coach Graham gave me this marijuana cigarette. You should try it too. This drug delirium is awesome. How big does that anchor look to you?"
 

Dismal Pillock

Simon Poidevin (60)
Inside the Green and Gold Rugby Network
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Hello.
Hansen, Henry and Smith here again.
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**CONFESSION TIME**: On his way out, we had the Deans boy install a hidden camera at GAGR HQ Moderators Room.
Here are just some of the feeds we got off the camera:
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L.Grant, telling some poor prick to get him a drink.
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Moderator Cyclopath, drearily deleting 1,312 full-scale photos of the moon a "Dismal Pillock" dumped overnight in the 2012 Western Force thread.
G.Agger seen here mucking around on a rainy day with some of Kurtley Beale's forgotten match day payments.
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H.Jarse, hesitantly pretending he can read but really, he can't.
**STATE SECRET**: the "Dismal Pillock" account is actually just G.Agger playing silly buggers. Here he is belting out yet another meaningless bullshit rubbish nonsensical pillock post:
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B.Arbarian, seen here in a Moderators meeting trying to look unphased and nonplussed and tough in front of the guys as his wife on the phone tells him to "put his bloody pants back on and come back home this instant."
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H.Jarse, seen here reinstating all 308 grannytranny.org nudee shots that G.Agger deleted after D.Pillock dumped the whole lot into the Brumbies vs Natal Sharks 2009 matchday thread.
 

Hugh Jarse

Rocky Elsom (76)
Staff member
Things have gone to crap in the G&GR Server room since B Kellaher left the Pitcairns to open his Haka Corner pub in France, and Gunston Worldwide IT Services Pty Ltd Et Al Op Cit FFS Inc took over.
 

oztimmay

Geoff Shaw (53)
Staff member
I snorted out some of my Coffee when I read that Dismal. Bravo!

I'm surprised you let Reg and Daz off the hook so easily.
 

Pfitzy

George Gregan (70)
He said, tapping away furiously at watches-r-us.com on his computer in the background.
 

Hugh Jarse

Rocky Elsom (76)
Staff member
You haven't been shopping at GunstonMart-on-Line.com again have you @Dismal Pillock?

This is a Saddam Hussein Watch
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Gene and the boys at Gunston Corp have been pushing their Gaddafi watch range under all sorts of <insert Middle Eastern Dictator> names for years.

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This baby was on ebay as a RARE GENERAL KIM ILL JUNG SWISTAR KUARTZ WATCH GOLD PLATED TITANIUM NEVER USED.
The Seller was "Geno" from Wolongong with opening bid of $4000 US
 
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