1. Welcome to the Green and Gold Rugby forums. As you can see we've upgraded the forums to new software. Your old logon details should work, just click the 'Login' button in the top right.

Japan

Discussion in 'Everything Else' started by Reddy!, Jun 29, 2010.

  1. Dismal Pillock John Hipwell (52)

    Likes Received:
    8,349
    **Crucial Bidet Update**

    I think I broke the fucken thing.

    With my arse.

    "Yeah, loose washlet, we'll have to replace the whole thing. That'll be $1,000 bucks thanks, you fucken shit maniac."

    FFS.

    I hate the new bidet. And I think it hates me. It's so hi-tech that when you open the bog door the little wanker automatically starts making an evil snake-like hissing noise as it delicately sprays water in the bowl in readiness for my hideous depth charges. Also, a little light automatically comes on in the bowl undercarriage. Like the lights a pimpmobile has under the skirting.

    The abrupt hissing, in tandem with the vaguely satanic glow of the pimpmobile lights, scare me. Especially in the pitch-black of night when I'm half asleep and still half-dreaming. I actually consider it pretty fucken rude to get abruptly jarred out of my drowsy reverie by my own suddenly hissing, glowing, hateful dunny. "I paid $1,000 for you, you insensitive fucken shitface. Learn to read the air. I offered you a kind, warm loving home environment and this is how you repay my kindness? It's 3 o'clock in the fucken morning you rude c**t."

    At this stage I'm pretty convinced this new bidet is a bona fide portal into hell. Yep, fairly sure the bog is actually hissing at me. It's not like it sounds like anything else. It's like that old Stephen King novel called "The Hissing". Maybe the poor captive insentient shitface realises what I am about to do to it. I am literally about to shit right down its fucking throat. Or piss all over it. It's not like it's ever ended any other way for the poor little wanker. I'm guessing Steve Gutenberg was cast in the poorly-received TV-movie version of "The Hissing". I hope he died at the end.

    Also, the new arse clag jet is disappointingly feeble compared to the last one. "You call that Apollo 11? That's barely even a backfiring Skoda exhaust-pipe dripping upwards into my arse." #first_world_problems these days I guess.

    BUT the new fucker does have a power range button. Houston, we have Mach 5 capabilities. I am yet to ramp up the nitro to go full Saturn 5 Krakatoa on my bumkrak though. Need to stabilise my main man ramparts. For $1,000 that bog salesman thief-in-the-fucken-night should be here to personally hold me on the fucken thing and whisper sweet lullabies into the darkness as we explore deep space together and 'Ol Faithful hoses half of fucken Pompeii off my extended rings of Satan.
    cyclopath and Up the Guts like this.
  2. Teh Other Dave Trevor Allan (34)

    Likes Received:
    846
    Expensive clingons. Did your technician show you the going rate of dunny roll on ebay in some thinly veiled threat to your residency status?
    cyclopath and Dismal Pillock like this.
  3. Dismal Pillock John Hipwell (52)

    Likes Received:
    8,349
    #hook_line_and_sinker
    ________________________________

    re; virus, Japan weirdly not as ravaged as Eurpe/US/China. Reckon its the relative lack of fatties as well as the raging stiffy for those fucking facemasks. Mainly though I reckon its the nationally prevalent hikikomori mindset and SFA of the seppo "wahhh, wahhh but what about MY rights, it's in my constitooooootion" selfishness.


    "You mean I'm now actually encouraged to stay home and avoid subjecting myself to the daily societally-crippling twin cornerstones of hatred and resentment upon which Japan's hierachal system of pyramidical bullying and mysogynistic denigration and objectification of women is founded? Oh fuck yeah, where do I sign up u vicious fucking arseholes?"
  4. Teh Other Dave Trevor Allan (34)

    Likes Received:
    846

    I was thinking more along the lines of 'This is how much a roll of your paper costs back home now, foreigner. Just to put the expense and your Japan privileges into perspective.'


    Speaking of Japan privileges, is choco-cro still a thing over there?
  5. cyclopath Phil Waugh (73)

    Likes Received:
    15,485

    Does it come with occy straps to tie you on to resist the 18,000 lbs of thrust up the clacker from this baby...

    https---prod.static9.net.au-_-media-2018-11-26-10-07-0_genevafountainistock.jpg
    Dismal Pillock likes this.
  6. Teh Other Dave Trevor Allan (34)

    Likes Received:
    846
    With the Cyclopath medical skiff in the foreground
    Dismal Pillock likes this.
  7. cyclopath Phil Waugh (73)

    Likes Received:
    15,485
    Floating clinic - pre-ops seated in the bow, "others" prone in the stern.
  8. Dismal Pillock John Hipwell (52)

    Likes Received:
    8,349
    Japan Prime Minister Gripped By Hallucinations.

    –Japan Today–

    Reports are filtering through that Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe is today in the grip of some sort of raging brain hallucinations.


    [IMG]
    “Yes, Mr Emperor. I will attack China immediately and bomb all their shit right the fuck back to the Ming Cu'nt Dynasty. Yes, Your Majesty. Right away, Your Majesty.”

    In what looks to be an eerily similar case to that suffered by his predecessor Naoto Kan spraguedawley.com/japanese-politician-forms-shadow-cabinet/ Abe has seemingly taken complete and utter leave of his senses.


    [IMG]
    “No, Your Majesty. The giant stupid hat you are wearing today does not make you look short, Your Majesty.”




    [IMG]
    “No, Your Majesty. We still cannot find the Shadow Cabinet. We believe it to still be in the shadows somewhere, Your Majesty.”
    cyclopath likes this.
  9. Dismal Pillock John Hipwell (52)

    Likes Received:
    8,349
    Japan Prime Minister's Hallucinations Continue On Into The Night.

    --Japan Times--

    Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe's hallucinations appear to be showing little sign of abatement as they now move into hour 12.

    [IMG]
    "No, Your Majesty. Everything has not gone yellow. Although such a racial slur is still occasionally inferred upon our people in regards to the colour yellow, your mind is not playing tricks on you, Your Majesty. I believe this distinct hue to be merely in relation to the commencement of nightfall here in the Bonsai Wanker Kingdom."




    [IMG]
    "No, Your Majesty. Neither of us have suddenly shrunk in physical size. We are still titans of all that we survey. In fact, if I may be permitted a brief aside, Your Majesty, as we are both mammals of the humanoid persuasion, we have remained roughly the same size and general dimension since the completion of puberty. Perhaps this current visual aberration could be some sort of optical illusion in our mind's eye, Your Majesty. Yes, your Royal Excellency, I shall summon The Royal Ophthalmologist at once, Your Royal Highness."




    [IMG]
    "Yes, Your Majesty, we do appear to be suddenly noticeably larger in this dimension. Perhaps it would be an opportune juncture to take advantage of this sizeable expansion in bodily dimensions and resume the push through Manchuria? Yes, Your Majesty, I agree. In keeping with your Imperial Decree, I shall conscript all able-bodied men commencing at 0600 tomorrow to resume the annexation of Greater Manchuria."
    cyclopath likes this.
  10. Dismal Pillock John Hipwell (52)

    Likes Received:
    8,349
    Japen thinks its over. Schools to reopen. LOL. Plenty eschewing face masks.
    "Mummy, why has all the water suddenly gone from the beach back out into the ocean, mummy? Mummy! Why are you running away from me, mummy?"
  11. waiopehu oldboy Tim Horan (67)

    Likes Received:
    5,301
  12. Teh Other Dave Trevor Allan (34)

    Likes Received:
    846
    Still doing better than we are.
  13. Dismal Pillock John Hipwell (52)

    Likes Received:
    8,349
    Japan Abandons Plan To Scale Down Porn Production

    –Japan Times–

    Japan’s proposed scaling-down of daily nationwide porn film production by 0.000000023% due to Corona Virus fears has been met with a hail of irate scorn by parlimentarians.

    [IMG]
    “…for the safety of the actresses we need to propose a scaling down of daily film production by 0.000000023%…”
    “WHAT THE FUUUUUUUCK DUDE. IT’S NOT GOING TO WHACK ITSELF OVER HERE YOU KNOW.”
    “GIVE ME THAT MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF PAPER YOU AMISH FAGGOT.”
    “Order! Order!”
    “Order your mouth full of my cock you nazi faggot.”
    “I CAN’T BREATHE, I CAN’T BREATHE, SOMEONE PLEASE VENTILATE MY COCK.”

    Prime Minister Shinzo Abe has called for the immediate execution of the Minister who made the proposal. “In a town square, in a 7-11, in a stairwell, corpse biffed in the creek, I don’t give a shit. End him. What this deranged individual is proposing is profoundly un-Japanese. The trains run on time, the commuters cram aboard, some of them cough viral death on each other and then the survivors all go home and whack it. Is that too hard to understand? As Winston Churchill once said, ‘first they come for your granny tranny mags, then it’s the octopii incest vids.’ Or something like that. Anyway, whether it’s a mummy/daughter bukkake gangbang or an outdoors MILF spitroast donkey-felch pastoral picnic scene, our daily new fix of fresh meat vids here in Japan is the societal stress valve lubricant that keeps the entire charade of our straight-jacketed society from crumbling at our goddamned feet. The arabs have oil, we have bukkake. That’s how this shit works. How hard is that to understand? No more questions, shithead. Would you take the arabs oil away just cos some fucker in Dubai coughed up an iron lung on the morning train? You’re not even making any sense now, no more questions you fucking anti-cock lunatic. Execute that prudish amish fuck of a Minister and biff his head in with the ice creams in the frozen food section of a fucking 7-11. Then make a new grot vid out of it, form an orderly bukkake queue, roll cameras, jizz everywhere, oh fuck yeah”.

Share This Page