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All-Time Crim 1st XV

Dismal you got an updated team list?

1 Parmeet Dabas: murdered 3
2 Zane Killian: cop killer
3 Bees Roux: cop killer
4 Rudi Virage: shot and killed his 19 yo daughter.
5 Michael Quinn ©. Melbourne Chargers. Kiddie fucker. He won’t even survive the first ruck.
6 Pita Wilson: kidnapping and assault
7 Joseph Ntshongwana: killed 3 with an axe
8 Marc Cecillon: performing the eternal willie-away on own wife
9 B.Kelleher: drunk and disorderly + innumerable crimes, many of them against All Black heritage. VICE Captain (haha, "Vice", get it, that's even worse than being regular captain of these arseclowns)
10 Paddy Jackson: rape
11 Eric Rush: careless driving causing death and injury
12 Japie Mulder: teen rape
13 Craig Wells. raping children.
14 Alejandro Puccio. triple kidnap/murderer
15 Glen Ella: nicking 20 million from kids charity

Bench

Tim Bristow: Banned from rugby for life in 1962 for knocking out 8 opposing players.
James Dalton: attempted murder
Henry Tromp: killing a farm worker
Sione Luaaki: trashing motel room/charged in with assault at a Tron bar/charged for careless driving and crashing/guilty of dropping 5 passes in one half of test match rugby football while playing for the New Zealand All Blacks.
Brett Sheehan: DV
Stuart Olding: rape
John Payne: crippling someone in a bar fight.
Matthew Ridge: property development company went bust owing tradies & suppliers millions


Wider training group

Andrew Hore: killing seals
Lorenzo Bocchini: breaking bad meth cook
Carl Hayman: wifebeater
Tony Woodcock: drink driving
Keith Murdock: punching a pom in 1862 and maybe killing some bloke in the outback
Ali Williams: coke bust and general gormlessness.
Joel Everson: druggie blamed for cancellation of entire Japanese rugby season
Selby Rickit: assault
Dillan Halaholo: sustained carpark wanking. Doing it for the kids.
R.Brooke (trying to root some kid up in the islands or something?)
Scott Higginbotham: assaulting cops
Mafi: kidnapping
Lopeti Timani: doing a Begby
Willie Anderson: nicked a flag on tour in Argentina. Think bigger, Willie.
George Smith: charged with assault
Poidevin: stockmarket shenanigans
Cliff Palu: weekend detention for assault.
Matt Henjak: broke Haig Sare's jaw
Mark Catchpole: busted for dealing drugs. 9 months P.D
Jimmy Cowan: assaulting 2 bouncers. Plus stuffing up Auckland Blues backline for a season
Doug Rolleson, pokie machine money fraud: not for personal gain hence no jail
W.Ripia: looting own team dressing room haha.
Stephen Bachop: wifebeater
Steve Pokere, helping fleece his fellow Mormons of $3.9M, 2 1/2 years jail.
John Ryan: busted for an attempted armed hold-up.
Regan King: borrowing chicks $$ to fuel gambling addiction
Sam Burgess: drugs and DV. The only dual international (Alltime Airport XV)
Brian Lima GBH
Losi Filipo: bashing up four, 2 of them women.
G.Moala: bashing people up on K Rd.
James O'Connor: cock I mean coke bust. (VERY handy bench option here, covers fullback, wing, the whole fucken backline. get set for a long tenure here, shit-for-brains)
Mitchell Scott: convicted of assault
Sevu Reece: bashing up his missus
Sivivatu: domestic violence against his girlfriend/wife
Cameron Shepherd: jumping on parked cars outside the Star Casino. Needs to find more cars. A lot more cars. And maybe another casino.
Roger Randle: suspected rape
Doug Howlett: jumping on cars post world cup exit
Khunt: distributing cocaine and not offering me any at all.
Zac Guildford (naked pissing and beating up an old bloke in Rarotonga)
Wendell Sailor: failed drug test for cocaine banned for 2 years
Yamanaka: failed roid test, banned for 2 years 2011-2013. Bonus points for saying he was "just trying to grow a moustache"


tHE sTAFF

Selectors:
Aunty Doris
Aunty Raewyn from up the shops
her niece
Raewyn the babysitter
the baby
a very confused Wayne Gunston

Academy Team:
Arsenal de Zarate (ARG)

Official Team Mascot:
Nick Phipps in a cow costume

Coach:
Rob Howley: gamblin

Referee:
Egon Seconds

Laptop analysis:
Quade Cooper - computer theft

Team Masseuse:
Alan Jones – public bogs gay sex solicitation

Team Psychiatrist:
Merab Beselia, Georgia VP who shoots own players

Video Analysis:
Alan Jones – re; bogs film at 11

Treasurers:
Nick Farr Jones and Rob Howley

Security:
Doug Roake: murder, robbery. although no deaths under his watch at Richie’s wedding. Well done, shithead.

Team Bus Driver:
Dan Carter – drunk driver

Groundskeeper:
Tony Daly - 500 hours community service for serial theft and driving offences

Ballboys:
Dave Alred and Paul Stridgeon (?)

Equipment/ball maintenance consultants:
David Warner
Steve Smith
Darren Lehmann
a few shady backroom bastards from the New England Patriots.

Physio, in charge of, you know, taping stuff:
Cameron Bancroft

Social Media manager:
Israel Folau

Commissioner of Incorrections:
Francis Kean

01-FB-KEAN-COMCOR-1.png
 

Tex

Jim Lenehan (48)
Mates it has been brought to my (/GAGR) attention by Wamberral that Idi Amin was a rugby player.

Per wikipedia:

Amin was an athlete during his time in both the British and Ugandan army. At 1.93 m (6 ft 4 in) tall and powerfully built, he was the Ugandan light heavyweight boxing champion from 1951 to 1960, as well as a swimmer. Amin was also a formidable rugby forward,[25][26] although one officer said of him: "Idi Amin is a splendid type and a good (rugby) player, but virtually bone from the neck up, and needs things explained in words of one letter".[26][27] In the 1950s, he played for Nile RFC.[28]
There is a frequently repeated urban myth that he was selected as a replacement by the East Africa rugby union team for their 1955 tour match against the British Lions.[26][28] Amin, however, does not appear in the team photograph or on the official team list.[29] Following conversations with a colleague in the British Army, Amin became a keen fan of Hayes F.C. – an affection that remained for the rest of his life.[30]

This clearly will force some changes to the squad as to my knowledge none of the current starting or bench second rowers have notched up an estimated body count of between 100,000 and 500,000 people.
 
Think the selectors hammered it out back on page 67 that these infamous pricks (George Bush etc) getting selected just for being infamous and not for being famous for rugby were ineligible?

But it does sound like Amin was quite a good rugby player.....

I'll leave it to Tex to wade through this threads 82 pages of legislative scroll for the definitive verdict.
 

zer0

Chilla Wilson (44)
Idk what GAGR's stance is on name suppression orders but the Hurld let it out of the bag briefly this morning. Though seem to have since bleached it from their site.

He was never a Chuf though. Also has some pretty tough competition on the wing.
 

waiopehu oldboy

Jason Little (69)
^ he's already in the WTG, not sure his latest escapades (DWI ~12mo pre-assault then caught driving while licence suspended ~3mo pre-assault) warrant promotion. Serial dickhead who has long since used up any carried-over sympathy for the circumstances of his father's passing.
 
A change to the bench in light of, uh, nothing in particular.....
Bench

Tim Bristow: Banned from rugby for life in 1962 for knocking out 8 opposing players.
James Dalton: attempted murder
Henry Tromp: killing a farm worker
Sione Luaaki: trashing motel room/charged in with assault at a Tron bar/charged for careless driving and crashing/guilty of dropping 5 passes in one half of test match rugby football while playing for the New Zealand All Blacks.
Brett Sheehan: DV
Stuart Olding: rape
John Payne: crippling someone in a bar fight.
Zac Guildford: getting naked and bashing up old people in Rarotonga, drunk driving, plus repeatedly getting on the piss and bashing people in the face then coming out in the papers all contrite "um, yeah, really sorry about that everyone, I was so wasted, I can't remember a thing about any of it, Your Honour".
 

Braveheart81

James Horwill (77)
Staff member
^ he's already in the WTG, not sure his latest escapades (DWI ~12mo pre-assault then caught driving while licence suspended ~3mo pre-assault) warrant promotion. Serial dickhead who has long since used up any carried-over sympathy for the circumstances of his father's passing.


I am pretty sure I know exZactly who you are talking about.

Sorry, I'm not very good at spelling.
 

Tex

Jim Lenehan (48)
Ooooooh that's a big scalp. The team is full of crooks and psychos, but the kiddie fiddlers are definitely designated as tackle bags and live defenders in ruck/maul drills.
 
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