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All-Time Crim 1st XV

Dismal Pillock

Simon Poidevin (60)
We must be good for an A vs B trial match.
Looking at the WTG, theyre miles better players than the 1st XV. Hore, Hayman and Woodcock, all-AB front row. But then again, the WTG don't have 6 convicted murderers in their forward pack.....

Would be one HELL of a matchday thread. Perhaps an annual occurence. Someone find a gap in the calendar!
"..... oh God, 1st XV captain Michael Quinn, the notorious convicted paedophile, is now being chased down the sideline by his own teammate! It's flanker Joseph Ntshongwana and he's brought his axe onto the field with him! Make it four, Joseph, make dirty filthy Kiddie Fucker Quinn victim number 4!....."

Dismal Pillock

Simon Poidevin (60)
If convicted, would Blake Ferguson qualify? He hadn’t actually played a game.
The selectors have issues the following statement.

"The drongo in question was too thick to even negotiate managing to step foot on the field as a rugby union footballer. Therefore he remains a mumgoball moran4life and as such is INELIGIBLE for team selection. Nice try though, shit-for-brains."

Kenny Powers

Ron Walden (29)

Dismal Pillock

Simon Poidevin (60)

Congratulations, numbskull. Through sheer persistence and repeated offenses you have forced your way into the starting XV.
1 Parmeet Dabas: murdered 3
2 Zane Killian: cop killer
3 Bees Roux: cop killer
4 Rudi Virage: shot and killed his 19 yo daughter.
5 Michael Quinn ©. Melbourne Chargers. Kiddie fucker. He won’t even survive the first ruck.
6 Pita Wilson: kidnapping and assault
7 Joseph Ntshongwana: killed 3 with an axe
8 Marc Cecillon: performing the eternal willie-away on own wife
9 B.Kelleher: drunk and disorderly + innumerable crimes, many of them against All Black heritage. VICE Captain (haha, "Vice", get it, that's even worse than being regular captain of these arseclowns)
10 Paddy Jackson: rape
11 Zac Guildford: stealing money from his own grandad, bashing up the ladies, drunk driving, getting naked in Rarotonga etc etc etc
12 Japie Mulder: teen rape
13 Craig Wells. raping children.
14 Alejandro Puccio. triple kidnap/murderer
15 Glen Ella: nicking 20 million from kids charity


Michael Lynagh (62)
Still in jail in Japan, and probably the last league player who will try his hand at rugby union in Japan. Japanese rugby union will be better for keeping the league players out.

With the record of league players in union you almost want to fast track any league who comes over to union to development squad for all time crim Xv as pretty high probability they will be contention for starting 23.

Dismal Pillock

Simon Poidevin (60)
Come on dismal Blake Ferguson at least deserves a bench spot as almost the fastest to screw up after the ink not even dry on his contract. Surely he deserves honourable mention status.
haha, surely some sort of "Official International Ambassador to Japan" position in the offing.

ps, selectors have taken the extraordinary step of issuing a statement on "Guilty Guildford".....
"We the selectors are in awe of this young man's consistent application to fucking up not only his own life but also all the lives of those who come into contact with him or even those who try to help him such as his immediate family.

Week in, week out, he just keeps plumbing the depths of human behaviour with thievery, violence, drunk and disorderly, assault, battery, drunk driving, punching ladies in the face, more drunk and disorderly, more battery, yes, there can be no denying this recalcitrant recidivist is an absolutely legendary all-rounder in the Alltime Crim 1st XV scumbag stakes".
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