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All-Time Crim 1st XV

Beer Baron

Phil Hardcastle (33)
Brendan Mullin (50+ caps for Ireland just prior to professionalism), accused of fiddling €573,000 from a Bank he was a Director of.

The lessor fildding crime.

We must be good for an A vs B trial match. (Each with support crew).

Need a women's team too for equality.

Dismal Pillock

Steve Williams (59)
We must be good for an A vs B trial match.
Looking at the WTG, theyre miles better players than the 1st XV. Hore, Hayman and Woodcock, all-AB front row. But then again, the WTG don't have 6 convicted murderers in their forward pack.....

Would be one HELL of a matchday thread. Perhaps an annual occurence. Someone find a gap in the calendar!
"..... oh God, 1st XV captain Michael Quinn, the notorious convicted paedophile, is now being chased down the sideline by his own teammate! It's flanker Joseph Ntshongwana and he's brought his axe onto the field with him! Make it four, Joseph, make dirty filthy Kiddie Fucker Quinn victim number 4!....."

Dismal Pillock

Steve Williams (59)
If convicted, would Blake Ferguson qualify? He hadn’t actually played a game.
The selectors have issues the following statement.

"The drongo in question was too thick to even negotiate managing to step foot on the field as a rugby union footballer. Therefore he remains a mumgoball moran4life and as such is INELIGIBLE for team selection. Nice try though, shit-for-brains."

Kenny Powers

Ron Walden (29)

Dismal Pillock

Steve Williams (59)

Congratulations, numbskull. Through sheer persistence and repeated offenses you have forced your way into the starting XV.
1 Parmeet Dabas: murdered 3
2 Zane Killian: cop killer
3 Bees Roux: cop killer
4 Rudi Virage: shot and killed his 19 yo daughter.
5 Michael Quinn ©. Melbourne Chargers. Kiddie fucker. He won’t even survive the first ruck.
6 Pita Wilson: kidnapping and assault
7 Joseph Ntshongwana: killed 3 with an axe
8 Marc Cecillon: performing the eternal willie-away on own wife
9 B.Kelleher: drunk and disorderly + innumerable crimes, many of them against All Black heritage. VICE Captain (haha, "Vice", get it, that's even worse than being regular captain of these arseclowns)
10 Paddy Jackson: rape
11 Zac Guildford: stealing money from his own grandad, bashing up the ladies, drunk driving, getting naked in Rarotonga etc etc etc
12 Japie Mulder: teen rape
13 Craig Wells. raping children.
14 Alejandro Puccio. triple kidnap/murderer
15 Glen Ella: nicking 20 million from kids charity


Michael Lynagh (62)

Congratulations, numbskull. Through sheer persistence and repeated offenses you have forced your way into the starting XV.
Zac Guildford been so impressive to maintain his form for many years. Making sure his name is automatically top of the list for selectors. A true professional who has mastered his craft here.


Michael Lynagh (62)
Still in jail in Japan, and probably the last league player who will try his hand at rugby union in Japan. Japanese rugby union will be better for keeping the league players out.

With the record of league players in union you almost want to fast track any league who comes over to union to development squad for all time crim Xv as pretty high probability they will be contention for starting 23.