Clyde Rathbone's battle with depression

[AngrySeahorse]

I've struggled with this illness since I was 15. I had what I assume was a breakdown at 20 and began comprehensive treatment. The good thing is, I'm at a point now where I'm in a stable and happy position for the first time in what seems like years - to the point where I forgot what it felt like.

It's still a constant battle. There are days I cannot get out of bed - physically cannot muster the energy. You're likely the same SFR. It's exhausting to live like that.

But it's a battle that must be fought, and can be won.

100% can't agree enough. I have a friend of mine who is an alcoholic with bipolar disorder who describes having the same issue. He states that getting out of bed, cleaning his teeth, etc, once simple tasks, ended up requiring huge motivation for him to get up & do.

 

[AngrySeahorse]

I'm glad that you were brave enough to be honest. I've been dealing with depression, sometimes very badly, since a very young age. I tried being open early on and it backfired, finding myself actually as well as mentally ostracised, and belittled for my illness and honesty.
From there it took over a decade to even be able to be truly open with medical professionals, and while I think I've pretty much managed to learn openness and communication with my family, most friends and co-workers have no idea.
I have a feeling reading the rest of this thread is going to produce some waterworks. Damn you twitter.

I've very much been in the same position. Unfortunately when we are down we are vulnerable to reaching out to the wrong people (even when they appeared to be alright) - I've done this when I was in my early 20s, I've moved on but god I regretted it at the time. I'm most certainly clammed up about a lot of my going on's as a result.

 

[Sully]

I had forgotten about getting up. I can remember getting up to go to work coming home from work to go t bed and only getting up to get food. Funny how your mind blocks things out.

 

[Ruggo]

I was woken this morning to the news that one of my cousins took his own life yesterday, so figured I would get this thread back to the top.

I said I would write my story and here it is. It's a bit long but hopefully it will help someone out there.

My appologies for the late reply Suckerford. Thank you very much for writing your thoughts, it is inspiring.

My deepest condolances on the loss of your cousin. I can relate to your situation as today is the 13th anniversery of the suicide of my cousin. She was my best friend and the person I trusted to confide my inner feelings to. I dispised her for it for years thinking what a horrible and selfish and it was not until my own battles with depression that I understood just how low and confused she must have felt.

Depression is damn scary from my experiences. One tip I recommend that I find helpful is to keep a diary/journal. I find it valuable to help find perspective during down periods and a reminder that all is not bad.

Thank you to all those in this thread who have shared their stories. You are brave, Insprational and cheers for providing an environment where I feel comfortable sharing my story.

 

[Ruggo]

Quite true. Up until now, Mrs Hornet is the only one who ever knew about my own struggle with it and even then I wouldn't tell her half of what was going on my head.

Did you find yourself scared of burdening those you love with your issues? That is how I felt and being unable to tell those I trusted most I found one of the hardest parts. They know now and they new somthing wasn't right before I shared it with them.

 

[cyclopath]

Terrific to read all in this thread.
At the risk of sounding somewhat sentimental, I have to say that this is my thread of the year, as it shows to me the true sense of community of this place.
It's a credit to all who have contributed (except me).
I have not experienced it first hand, but I have seen it in people close to me. That you have all found the courage to talk about it is no small thing.

 

[The_Brown_Hornet]

Did you find yourself scared of burdening those you love with your issues? That is how I felt and being unable to tell those I trusted most I found one of the hardest parts. They know now and they new somthing wasn't right before I shared it with them.

Absolutely. I still find it hard to do now and it makes me seem to others to be withdrawn and anti-social at times. There are *very* few people I feel comfortable talking to about this kind of thing. The good thing is that I have things I can do by myself that help deal with it and prevent me from sinking into the abyss.

 

[Sandpit Fan]

Terrific to read all in this thread.
At the risk of sounding somewhat sentimental, I have to say that this is my thread of the year, as it shows to me the true sense of community of this place.
It's a credit to all who have contributed (except me).
I have not experienced it first hand, but I have seen it in people close to me. That you have all found the courage to talk about it is no small thing.

Thanks for writing that Cyclo - I have been looking over this thread thinking much the same thoughts but wasn't quite sure how to express them.

 

[Ruggo]

Terrific to read all in this thread.
At the risk of sounding somewhat sentimental, I have to say that this is my thread of the year, as it shows to me the true sense of community of this place.
It's a credit to all who have contributed (except me).
I have not experienced it first hand, but I have seen it in people close to me. That you have all found the courage to talk about it is no small thing.

\

Actually thank you for your work on keeping this forum a great place to come to. When I feel down and lonely, I find it a boost to log on and talk about what I love with like minded people knowing I don't have to feel shamed or afraid of being judged. It is you mods that keep the tone on this forum civil thus providing a comfortable environment. The value of that is immense and I am not sure words can do it justice.

The fact that posters are opening up on some very personal thoughts should serve as a credit to the work you blokes do.

 

[FiveStarStu]

Did you find yourself scared of burdening those you love with your issues? That is how I felt and being unable to tell those I trusted most I found one of the hardest parts. They know now and they new somthing wasn't right before I shared it with them.

You'll be surprised how many people aren't surprised when you tell them. For those that I told, it was pretty much putting 1 and 1 together.

That said, there are many, family included, I still haven't told.

 

[rugbyskier]

For those on the forum who are still on the road to recovery I can empathise with what you are experiencing and can only say "things do get better".

For me, coming to terms with the post-traumatic stress has changed my life for the better. The main thing that I can recommend is to exercise regularly as it really does make you feel better and helps the body cope with the physical stresses. I wasn't unfit as I cycled and went swimming regularly in addition to the ski instructing over winter but during the dark days I also took up a regular 'bootcamp' group exercise programme and five years on it's still part of my sporting regime. I believe that the social interaction and the fitness gains helped me through the recovery and the strength and cardio gains I made convinced me to give veterans rugby a go 12 months later, which was one of the best decisions I've ever made.

 

[suckerforred]

Going through my millions of books and found one that really helped me out a few years ago...

Learned Optimism, by Martin Seliman.

I am not really a self help reader but did get some benifit from this one.

 

[suckerforred]

As part of blueVoices I have been sent a link to this survey.

http://www.mentalhealthcommission.gov.au/report_card/

If anyone has the time and can participate it would be appreciated. Don't have to have first hand experience of mental health, just an interest. In fact it would be good if people without first hand knowledge would have their say. Those of us on the inside tend to have a different view.

 

[p.Tah]

I thought this article gave an interesting view on players with depression. I've always wonder what our criticism of them on forums such as this and in the media may have on them. I'll include refs and coaches in this. Especially refs. I have been quite critical of players and refs this week.

The quote that stood out for me was:

"We are all macho alpha-males who want to be dominant, to be chestbeaters. To have that stripped away and abused publicly is brutal. When it's happened a hundred times you either take the hint and move on, you become immune or you become depressed."

Perhaps we should all think of the person (or their family) when we hurl our abuse in a moment of frustration. In the end it's just a game.

If we are to be critical, perhaps it should be constructive, rather than abusive. I guess the test is, what would I think if someone wrote this (the abusive comment) about me?

http://www.espnscrum.com/premiership-2011-12/rugby/story/163742.html

 

[suckerforred]

Guilty as charged p.Tah. I think we all forget what effect our words can have on others. I like to think that I temper my words towards to players in particular, but I have been known to perhaps say some things I shouldn't, particularly towards refs, particularly on Sunday afternoon. You would think I would know better......

 

[light]

I was never really interested in browsing this thread until yesterday as I didn't really feel it would connect with me personally. Having lost an uncle to depression when I was younger I've always been interested in this topic but never really been able to access the information I have wanted. My family has never spoken about him, understandably I still don't think they have recovered, so it's always been hard to understand what goes on in during these types of times. Fortunately, I have never experienced any form of depression and it hasn't really affected many people around me in my young life yet. I have been skimming over this thread all day and it's really changed my perspective on alot of things. We all have our struggles, some more than others, I may never experience the pain you have endured but to have the honesty and bravery to admit and share your experiences is a real feat and something that you should really be proud of. I am delighted and humbled to participate in a forum which not only stays true to its values, but also ignites topics of conversation that you just can't experience anywhere else on the internet.

To the contributors (of which I wish I could be one), your stories have changed my outlook on many of these issues. To the moderators, well done on keeping this clean and unique. This thread is really a sobering experience and I would have to say it deserves mention as Thread of the Year, not for its content, but for the contributions and stories that you have all shared.

 

[Jethro Tah]

The Black Dog has no regard for fame and fortune. I just found out that the wife of a friend of a friend who died late last year was in fact a suicidal escape from depression - Natalie Reilly, the wife of Australian author Matthew Reilly. You may have read about it in the Weekend Australian magazine recently, here's an excerpt link. I met Matt and Nat a few times, both before and after his success, and found them to be a lovely unassuming couple. I have friends who are/were very close to them and have been silent about the loss.

I have family who have suffered from varying levels of depression but until now have never known someone, albeit indirectly, who lost the fight. Rest in peace Nat, you fought hard but were overcome. May we all learn to never give up hope - there is always someone who will help fight the Black Dog.

 

[rugbyskier]

Great news that Clyde Rathbone is returning to play for the Brumbies in 2013. It's a great example that you can win the battle against the black dog. Good luck Clyde, you're an inspiration.

 

[Inside Shoulder]

Great news that Clyde Rathbone is returning to play for the Brumbies in 2013. It's a great example that you can win the battle against the black dog. Good luck Clyde, you're an inspiration.

he's being interviewed by John Morrison on ABC radio - Statewide Drive.

 

[rugbyskier]

he's being interviewed by John Morrison on ABC radio - Statewide Drive.

I'll listen in on my phone as we have a separate drive programme on 2CN 666 ABC Canberra. I'll try ABC Central West on the TuneIn Radio app. Looks like it's on between 4pm and 5pm.